Intimacy and Growth

[Unicornia]

Hello!
I am 22 (almost 23) and I have neither had a romantic relationship with someone, nor have I had a sexual relationship with someone. I came from a very small school growing up, and LGBTQ acceptance was... murky at best. I also have struggle with self image issues which have made it hard to see myself as a sexual being worthy of love and affection.

I have been on anxiety/depression medication now for around 8 months, and it has done wonders for my self image, and even before I started taking it, I have made an effort to accept myself and have a conversation with myself to understand my needs and wants.

I am growing in ways that are normally expected of a teenager - exploring what I find attractive, and longing for a relationship (sexual and romantic) but seeing as I have missed a crucial window, I worry that I'm going to have trouble finding a relationship and navigating one if/when I find one. I'm not even sure how to flirt or how to know when someone is flirting with me.

I have also had difficulty with my "virginity" among my peers. While they have had partners and even started families, I haven't even had my first actual kiss. Though I try to be positive about the journey, I can't help but feel that there is something wrong with me, or that I am undesirable/too naive.

Thank you for reading,
Kitty

[Sam W]

Hi Kitty,

Congrats on finally having the space, and the treatment you need, to feel more confident and able to explore your sexual and romantic interests!

I want to start out by noting that, while it can definitely feel like you're behind or have missed an important part of the dating learning experience, there are actually a LOT of people who are in the same boat as you. High school, and even college, doesn't always present a ton of dating opportunities to begin with, and things like queerness, mental health, family demands, school demands, and a whole host of other things can make it that much harder to find the time, or the partners. In fact, it's such a common experience we have a whole piece talking about how to navigate it: Embracing Newbiehood: How to Approach Dating and Sex in Your 20s with Little or No Experience

It sounds like you're doing your best to view all this as an exciting, new experience and to be positive about the fact that you're in a different place in your relationship journey than a lot of people you know. That's an awesome and helpful mindset to have! Would it be helpful to talk about ways to find and navigate the kinds of relationships you're looking for?