accessing specialized therapy

[dollparties]

my current partner is encouraging me to seek sexual assault specific therapy following my previous relationship but i feel as if i don't qualify for it despite knowing very clearly that i was raped. i have like... rape impostor syndrome though. i feel as if i made it all up and that i'd be accessing services i don't deserve. am i in the wrong?

[Carly]

Hey dollparties -- if you are in the wrong with anything, I'd say it's thinking that you don't deserve access trauma specific services. <3

Can you walk me through the conflict you're feeling internally? You say you know deeply that you were raped, so what makes you feel like you made it up or you don't qualify? What makes you question the experience?

[dollparties]

i think it’s in part a feeling of ‘it wasn’t that bad, so i shouldn’t be in spaces for survivors’. even though my partner insists it Was that bad and consistently tells me it was sickening what happened to me i just feel like it wasn’t bad enough to seek help. even if i get triggered to the point of nausea and suicidal thoughts i feel as if i am just making it up. i don’t feel like i experienced anything ‘that bad’

[Logan W]

Hi dollparties,

I hope it's okay that I'm jumping in here. Firstly, you mentioned suicidal thoughts and I want to share this helpline for you to contact when you are experiencing these thoughts, as your safety is the most important thing: https://talksuicide.ca/

You mention that your partner is insisting that things are bad but I want to ask how you feel about the situation?

I also just want to say that we live in a society that downplays and often minimizes sexual assault. If this is something on your mind, it would be best to seek help and talk to a professional.

[dollparties]

absolutely no problem, i appreciate the response. :] i am okay at the moment but when i experience flashbacks it tends to trigger suicidal tboughts so i will definitely bookmark that link, thank you.

i don’t know how i feel. on one hand i know he’s right but on the other hand i don’t want to accept it, i guess? either way, i reached out to the therapy place for a group therapy thing, i don’t feel ready for individual therapy.

[Sam W]

Hi dollparties,

Good on you for reaching out for group therapy! That's a big step when it comes to taking care of yourself.

You know, I actually used to run a group therapy sessions at a rape crisis center, and the feelings you've expressed in this thread are ones I definitely heard from folks in that group. As Logan said, there's still a tendency to downplay or minimize survivor experiences, which leads a lot of survivors to feel as if they're accessing services they don't deserve or that someone else may need more. But, something I noticed in that group was that they never downplayed each other's experiences. They never saw each other as somehow stealing care they themselves needed; instead, they saw each other as deserving of care and support, which they, and you, absolutely are.

I do also want to validate that feeling that seeking support, like therapy, is accepting that someone assaulted you. Because in some ways it is, and that acceptance in and of itself can bring up some big, scary feelings on top of the trauma we're already dealing with. A metaphor I find helpful is actually to think about horror movies; in most horror movies, characters are in denial about what's happening/has happened. Which makes sense, because accepting "oh my god my house is haunted" is pretty intense emotionally. But often, what helps a character survive those experiences is that they accept what's going on sooner rather than later, because that helps them move on to making a plan, or protecting themselves, or whatever else they need to do to survive. Obviously, life is more complicated than a movie, but I find that acceptance often has a similar outcome; it makes it easier to tackle the thing that's harming my well being. Does that make sense?

[dollparties]

in a sense it’s nice to know that i’m not on my own in minimizing my own experiences, i think i was worried that it would be just me.

that metaphor makes a lot of sense, thank you. i have an intake call this coming week and i intend on following through with the group. my partner is really happy that i’m doing this. they also have a group for supporting survivors of sexual assault so i might refer him to that if he’d be willing, i think it would be beneficial. not that he’s not supportive or anything, but it’s always nice to learn i think?

[Heather]

I hope both of these go well for you this week, dollparties!

[dollparties]

thank you very much! i’m really nervous for the intake call as i’m unsure what they’ll ask and what it really entails, so i’m going to have my partner with me as comfort. i just worry it will become triggering or graphic, i guess.

[Jacob]

Hey dollparties,

I just want to add that if you have fears around things being triggering or graphic, that it could help you to bring this up early in the intake call, this itself could be a topic of conversation and any good professional would use it as on opportunity to understand how you're feeling and make the space feel as safe as it can for you.

Well done for thinking this all through!