Kinks

[CatMatRat99]

When do kinks go to far? Like what ones i understand that some could be harmless like bdsm but what ones are unsafe

[Latha]

Hi there, CatMatRat!

I think with any kink, it is important to make sure both participants are safe and can give informed consent. As you may know, even BDSM can be unsafe if it isn't practiced properly. Does that make sense?

[CatMatRat99]

Yep!

[Sam W]

I'd add that, really, any kind of sex, even the kinds considered "tame" follow this same logic; they can be harmful if done carelessly or without attention to safety (both physical and emotional). That's one of several reasons the framework of "kink" often isn't all that helpful; not only is a broad term that can mean different things to different people, but it also creates a false idea that "vanilla" sex is inherently safer than whatever the person is defining as "kinky."

[alriune]

in my personal opinion, that depends on a lot and depends especially on context. also keep in mind that i'm just an individual and not a sex expert or educator.

i agree with what sam and latha have said, even vanilla sex can be unsafe if certain precautions aren't taken. on the topic of kink, it gets more complicated.

as sam & latha have also said, bdsm can be dangerous if proper precautions aren't taken. there have been plenty of instances of people trying autoerotic asphyxiation (choking yourself) and dying because they didn't do it safely. when it comes to bdsm more broadly, if the people involved are careless someone can become genuinely injured physically or hurt emotionally.

with other kinks, as i said it really depends. a good friend of mine has multiple kinks that would be considered weird or strange and would be undeniably physically dangerous to do in real life, so they'll always remain fantasies for him.

and this is a more controversial opinion, but i think engaging in certain kinks could be psychologically damaging too---again, this heavily depends and pretty much any kind of sex can be psychologically damaging if you approach it from a bad angle. let me provide a specific example:

a loooooooooong time ago there was a copypasta being spread around that detailed the writer fulfilling a kink of her's that was very unsanitary and very unsafe to perform and she did it anyway, and had to be hospitalized for it and has permanent organ damage from it. the story was so crazy that many people just assumed it was totally fictional and written for shock value. i'm not going to detail what exactly the story was about though i bet there are probably some people here who already know what story i'm talking about, but i found the blog of the woman who wrote it and i can say with certainty that the story was probably real.

and the reason i'm mentioning her is not to shame her, but because after looking through her blog it's pretty obvious (and even by her own admission) that the reason she had this kink was because of severe self esteem issues, depression, and trauma. my controversial opinion is that even if she hadn't been harming herself physically through her kink, she wouldn't have been doing herself any favors by indulging in it since it originated from such a horrible mental state.

another example is this one guy who became infamous for having a weird (but imo harmless) kink that he was utterly obsessed with to the point where it very clearly interfered with his life and how he interacted with people, he mentioned at one point that he'd been sent to a mental hospital for his obsession, and eventually he just quit posting online out of the blue so no one knows what happened to him.

there's also other nuances, like how some kinks might not be emotionally distressing or physically harmful but might still be harmful in other, subtler ways i.e reinforcing questionable values (which is another source of controversy). i think whether a kink goes "too far" is really mostly up to your discretion, but if you're looking for a reference point or to gauge someone else's opinion those are my thoughts (which should be taken with a grain of salt)