Risk of pregnancy? (Penis on vagina)

[etty]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now, and we've gradually had more and more heated sessions, but we've been avoiding intercourse. We got the closest recently when I put my tip on her vagina but did not insert it. It was for a few seconds, and then I took it out. She said it was the most pleasurable act so far, but I'm concerned about the risks involved. I did not ejaculate on her vagina, but I had ejaculated earlier. So, I would like to know the probability that she got impregnated. In light of this incident, and her rising enthusiasm for such acts, I'm considering buying condoms but I'm unsure of what to expect and if I should buy lubricant. In addition, we're still minors so I don't know how buying these items would pan out (and just concealing them in the house). Thank you.

[Nicole]

Hi etty,

Thanks for reaching out and welcome to the boards!

The lifespan of sperm is short outside of the body so if you had ejaculated earlier, there should not be any remaining sperm to worry about; however, there is always a risk involving pre-cum.

To get into more detail, here is some information taken from one of our resources: Could rubbing my vulva with his penis have gotten me pregnant?

"ANY direct genital contact that is unprotected ALWAYS puts you at a potential risk of pregnancy (when your partner has the genitals that could co-create one) and sexually transmitted infections.

The vulva is a wet place, and sexual fluids like ejaculate and pre-ejaculate are also just that, fluid. What sperm need to move in, so they can get to your uterus, is a sexual fluid. So, when your partner rubs his penis on your vulva -- not just inserts it into your vagina -- if he either has any semen (the fluid which contains sperm) on his penis, or emits any sexual fluid (potentially including pre-ejaculate, which neither of you is likely to feel), then sperm have the capacity to slide down or around parts of your vulva to get inside your vagina."

Depending on how recent this was, there may be time to look into emergency contraception (Plan B) just in case. Do you need any information on going about this?

I think it's a great idea to be proactive and look into purchasing condoms and lubricant. Here are some of our resources that focus on this:

• All the Barriers! All the Time!

• Your Map to the Condom Aisle

• Condom Basics: A User's Manual

• Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer

Let me know what you think of these articles and if you have any further questions.

I'm going to finish off my response with some questions. After hearing all of this, how are you doing? How is your partner doing? Could you explain some concerns you have about concealing condoms and lubricant at home?

Please let me know if any of this was helpful and if you have any further questions.

[etty]

Thank you for the quick response! Your articles were very helpful. Though, I do wonder if there is any risk of developing an STI as this is our first sexual, especially for oral sex. I wouldn't mind using a barrier for oral sex, but I would prefer not to use one because of the slight hassle (bad excuse, I know, but I'd rather not use one).

Other than that, I believe I know where to find the condoms in my local supermarket (and thanks to you, I know what to expect). But, I don't know where I would find lube in my local supermarket, as I haven't even seen any lube products. I don't have any questions about Plan B, although I think it might be a little too late, which is a mistake on my part. I didn't even think that contact could pose a risk until I thought about the logistics of it later. I do know (or at least believe) that there's about a 120-hour period where it's effective, and that it's an over-the-counter prescription that's accessible to all ages.

Finally, to answer your questions: I'm doing very well, thank you. I'm not very panicked by the fact. Rather, realizing that we took a risk, and I should be more cautious in the future, and my girlfriend feels the same way. I told her about the potential risk, and she took the news well, even joking that we'll see in 20 weeks, lol. In case I missed your intentions, overall, we have a relationship that I would consider healthy. We're very communicative about our concerns, desires, and general life, and we've been working towards creating a healthy sex life (which is why I'm on these forums).

About concealing the condoms and lubricant, my mother is religious, and my father is atheist. My father isn't very opposed to me having sex, but I know my mother would oppose it out of principle. However, I would rather not clue them in on my sex life because it's well... awkward to announce that I'm sexually active. Logistically, I know I could hide the items from sight, but I don't know how I could dispose of the used condoms discreetly other than to throw it in the trash bins outside. There's also the risk that my parents could find the items by chance. While I'm lucky that they don't snoop around my room, I feel that there's always a risk they'll accidentally discover such items, and that's a conversation I'd rather not have.

Thank you, by the way, you've been very helpful in directing me to very valuable information. I'll be sure to reach out again if I have any more questions.

[Nicole]

Hi etty,

You're welcome! If anything, those who are sexually active and are not interested in utilizing oral barriers typically try to get tested for STIs every 6 months or so, just to keep it safe! Even if this is your's and your partner's first time, some STIs can still spread through some "non-sexual" contact or even possible infidelity. Overall, it's good to be careful, that's all!

Regarding lube, it should be found in supermarkets, but if that isn't the case for you, it might help to look online. If you feel uncomfortable with it being shipped to your house, then we can brainstorm other options to get it to you. What do you think about that? Also, you are very correct about Plan B and it's good to hear that you've had direct communication with your partner about all of this and want to improve on safety precautions during sex!

Thank you for explaining your concerns about concealing condoms and lubricant! A good way to dispose of a condom is by wrapping it in toilet paper and throwing it away in the trash bin. It's best to avoid flushing it down the toilet at all costs! With that being said, do you have a trash bin in your room? If not, then it could help to get one, so then you can just discard the toilet paper-wrapped condoms in there and take the trash out separately from your parents. I remember when I was in high school, I knew some people who would discard their toilet paper-wrapped condoms in public trash cans to avoid even the slightest possibility of their parents finding out about them having sex. I'm not entirely sure how great of an idea that is. Anyways, if you have some concerns about your parents finding condoms and lube being stored in your room, then do you think it might be safer for your partner to store them in her room? That's always an option unless she has the same concerns as you.

I hope this helps in any way!

[etty]

Oh alright, I'll keep that in mind. How can I get my STI screenings, by the way? I've never put any thought into it yet. I'll be sure to ask my girlfriend if she's committed any infidelity every 6 months, though, lol! In all seriousness, I'll make sure to talk to her about using a barrier in the future.

I don't think finding lube will be that big of a problem in my local supermarket. Although, I do want to know which section it's generally at.

Regarding the condom situation, I do have a personal trashcan, but it gets dumped into the kitchen trashcan, which then gets put into the bin that the garbage truck collects. So, my previous comment about putting it in the outside bin was referring to that one. It's quite funny to hear that other teens had the same anxiety and went to a ridiculous length! On my end, I think I'll go with wrapping it in tissue paper or toilet paper, and I'll pray that my parents don't find the mounting tissues in the trashcan suspicious (I use them to wipe off ejaculate too and dispose them in the trashcan). Anyhow, I think it would be more risky to hide the items in my girlfriend's room, as her parents are more stringent about relationships and people walk into her room more. I think I will end up hiding it in my room as I have a few places in mind.

Putting that aside, I'm realizing that I don't know as much about sex as I thought. I'm a bit worried about the actual moment of deflowering. I've heard that it's not supposed to be painful for the recipient as long as they're very much sexually aroused and comfortable, but the actual moment when I put my penis on her vagina was very hard to get a hold of my senses. I don't know if that's normal, but my mind was very, very muddled in the moment and I wonder if there's anyway to prepare for the time when we have intercourse. It might very well be the case that we won't as she seems more than happy enough with what we're doing already, but if I've got a grasp on pattern recognition, it feels like we're on that path and I'd like to be prepared for that.

[Sam W]

Hi Etty,

When it comes to finding lube, it's usually in the personal care aisles, sometimes in a section called "family planning." Usually, if you're in an aisle where you see things like tampons and condoms, you're close to the right spot.

As far as those concerns about what to do when/if the two of you decide to have intercourse, I think this article might be helpful: Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry. Too, that's one of those times where making sure you're both really comfortable in your sexual communication is important, so both of you might want to check out this article: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner