Does being into BDSM make me a bad person?

[Hi :)]

So this is kind of a weird question, but does being into BDSM make me a bad person?

When I was younger I used to watch a lot of porn and scenes in movies portraying pain and I was really interested in it. I used to masturbate to, like, torture and death scenes in movies/TV shows. I didn’t like the actual severe hurt and death part of them, I liked them because most of the time the scenes included stuff like tying someone up and making them afraid. And I am interested in less severe pain like whippings and spankings (which is what a lot of those scenes included). Does this make me a bad person?

I know I wasn’t ever interested in causing someone severe harm or death, but the fact that I have masturbated to scenes that included really extreme stuff like that makes me feel really guilty and ashamed of myself.

I’ve also recently heard of sexual sadism disorder and that makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I’m a psychopath or something.

[Sam W]

Hi Hi ,

So, there's nothing inherently bad or harmful about liking BDSM. It's just one of the many forms that human sexual fantasies and activities can take, and enjoying it/fantasizing about it isn't a sign you're a bad person or want to hurt people. I'd say how you treat people and how you react to real people in distress tells you way, way more about yourself than what kind of sexual media you consume, you know? I also generally caution people away from attempts to make things enjoying components of BDSM--like sadism--into a disorder, because the history of that is so tied to trying to separate human sexual behavior into "normal and good" and "weird and bad," which just isn't reflective of the actual diversity and reality of human sexuality.

The one thing I'm hearing that might be worth changing up is the kind of media you use to masturbate. If it's causing you distress or leaving you feeling guilty afterwards, it might be worth exploring to see if there's media out there that you find arousing but doesn't trigger those feelings of guilt afterwards.

[Hi :)]

Thanks for answering!

I already stopped watching the scenes from movies because some of it was scary and disturbing to me, I only really masturbated to that stuff a few times when I was younger (9-13) and a few times last year when I discovered a new kink. I was mainly just exploring the internet. I watched a lot of BDSM porn during that time as well and afterwards as I got older, but I feel guilty about the scenes from movies/TV shows because they weren’t supposed to be sexual.

They portrayed pain and suffering in a way that was supposed to be disturbing and it was for me to an extent, but I did get some pleasure out of the less extreme parts of it. (The bondage, threats, and the scenes portraying whippings and such, ect.)

I just still feel guilty knowing I got pleasure out of something that wasn’t supposed to be sexual or pleasurable. It was just supposed to be hurtful. Does this make me a bad person?

[Latha]

Hi there, Hi! (That name is really just delightful)

As Sam said, I think how you treat people tells you much more about yourself then your reactions to these sorts of scenes. Too, I wouldn't be quite so sure that those scenes were not meant to be sexual at all- to my knowledge, sometimes even extreme violence in media can be... eroticized in a way? Anyway, I think being good is less about our immediate thoughts and more about how we choose to respond to people. Don't worry, this doesn't make you a bad person.

[LightUpTheStage]

I hope jumping in here just as another user and not a volunteer is kosher, but, assuming it is, may I add: I saw that you were worried that you might be a "psychopath" and that really resonated with me because that's a worry that I've had in my past too (it wasn't related to sexual stuff, but it still affected me a lot), and when I talked about it to someone they told me that worrying that you're a psychopath and that you might hurt people because of it is the #1 sign that you are absolutely NOT a psychopath, since worrying about hurting others is mutually exclusive with being a psychopath. I hope that helps, and I'm willing to talk more if you would find that helpful.

[Hi :)]

I hope jumping in here just as another user and not a volunteer is kosher, but, assuming it is, may I add: I saw that you were worried that you might be a "psychopath" and that really resonated with me because that's a worry that I've had in my past too (it wasn't related to sexual stuff, but it still affected me a lot), and when I talked about it to someone they told me that worrying that you're a psychopath and that you might hurt people because of it is the #1 sign that you are absolutely NOT a psychopath, since worrying about hurting others is mutually exclusive with being a psychopath. I hope that helps, and I'm willing to talk more if you would find that helpful.

Hi LightUpTheStage,

Thanks for replying! What you said was very validating to hear and it made me feel better, I appreciate it. It’s really nice to know that I’m not the only person who’s struggled with that type of thinking, you know?

Also, sorry for not replying earlier. I read it a while ago and I promised myself I would respond, but I completely forgot about it tbh.

[LightUpTheStage]

No big deal! I’m surprised that you replied at all, I kind of thought that this thread was dead. It’s nice knowing that I was useful to someone!

[Hi :)]

So this is kind of a weird question, but does being into BDSM make me a bad person?

When I was younger I used to watch a lot of porn and scenes in movies portraying pain and I was really interested in it. I used to masturbate to, like, torture and death scenes in movies/TV shows. I didn’t like the actual severe hurt and death part of them, I liked them because most of the time the scenes included stuff like tying someone up and making them afraid. And I am interested in less severe pain like whippings and spankings (which is what a lot of those scenes included). Does this make me a bad person?

I know I wasn’t ever interested in causing someone severe harm or death, but the fact that I have masturbated to scenes that included really extreme stuff like that makes me feel really guilty and ashamed of myself.

I’ve also recently heard of sexual sadism disorder and that makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I’m a psychopath or something.

Edit: i came to this conclusion a while ago, but I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t actually remember masturbating to these scenes. I think I only thought that because my brain tricks me into believing I’ve done something I didn’t do, especially when I worry and think about it often.

[LightUpTheStage]

That happens to me too, sometimes.