First time advice

[jmonet]

I was very close to having ‘intercourse’ for the first time with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I was willing to let it happen but could not bare the pain. We used a condom and lube and im not even sure it even went in much but I literally let out a scream because how bad it hurt. Im 19 yrs old. I was told that discomfort is normal when losing your virginity but pain isn’t. Is pain like that normal ? Ive never had anything in there and that includes tampons, fingers, etc.

[Nicole]

Hi jmonet,

Welcome to the boards! I'm really sorry to hear about the pain you experienced while attempting to have sex. Before moving forward, we have two articles that I think you might benefit from reading. I'll link them here:

• Is sex supposed to hurt?

• From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

Both of these may answer your question and address the possible causes of the pain you experienced. I do want to ask, if you feel comfortable answering, did your partner perform any foreplay on you, or did you both go straight into genital sex?

Please take a look at these articles and let us know what you think of them and if you have any further questions.

[jmonet]

Thank you and yes there was a good amount of foreplay involved before trying penetration. I seemed to be pretty aroused so I thought since it was pretty wet down there. I don’t think I was relaxed i may have been pretty nervous and tense. However, like I mentioned the pain was not what I expected. It felt like I was being ripped open and that’s no exaggeration lol. I really liked the articles though. I will look more into them to rule out what may be causing that pain and possibly go get checked out down there.

[Latha]

Hi there, jmonet!

Glad you liked the articles! Getting a check-up once in a while is a good idea in general anyway.

I believe you about the pain, and it absolutely shouldn't hurt like that. Being relaxed should help, and so should taking your time. Good luck with finding a solution! Let us know if you need more help.