Need for Plan B?

[thechemicaleyes]

today is the first day of my period, I started bleeding this morning. tonight I was fooling around with my partner. he ejaculated between my butt cheeks while I was on my side but I rolled onto my stomach to grab a towel for clean up, and it seems like some cum leaked downward because when I went to take my tampon out, the string was wet and sticky with a clear-to-whitish substance that was sticky between my fingers (I could make it string between my fingers if you know what I mean). my tampon was pretty dry so I don't think it was my vaginal fluids. my boyfriend said maybe it was from the lube he used (when he was rubbing against my butt). he didn't seem concerned and said he felt he'd cum pretty far up my back.

would this be a situation in which I should take plan B? as far as I know, the cum only got on the tampon string, but when I went to take the tampon out, the string was pushed right up against my vagina. I did do a visual inspection in the mirror afterwards and couldn't really see anything except some blood.

I'm a little paranoid admittedly as my partner got his ex pregnant by accident (although I believe that was from actual penetration/pulling out too late).

[Heather]

Hey there.

This is really one of those things where it's just about what you want to do and what you feel best about. Between the timing of your period and the situation you have described, I'm not seeing a likely pregnancy risk here, but I also can't speak to what would make you feel most comfortable.

It does sound, however, like you do not want to become pregnant and like this partner could stand to start using condoms. I would not suggest ejaculating between someone's butt cheeks who could become pregnant without some form of contraception on the mix, and there are potential STI risks here as well. Withdrawal is the least effective of all methods, but just using condoms properly -- one of the cheapest and easiest methods with the least side effects for anyone -- is very effective in preventing both pregnancy and STIs.

Do you need some help or support in talking to him about this?

[thechemicaleyes]

Thank you so much for the reply. I did message my doctor about it and she said to take Plan B. Do you think she's just covering herself in terms of liability?

Because I agree with you that it seems like such a low risk considering a) I'm on my period, at the very beginning, and I've had consistent cycles the past few months (June 25, July 26, now Aug 22), and b) there was no ejaculate inside of me, and c) we don't even know for sure if what I touched on the tampon string was actually ejaculate and finally d) I'm 31, I believe my risk for pregnancy is lowering every year now as I get older, no?

I'm hesitant to take the Plan B as I don't want it to cause mood swings and other uncomfortable symptoms. I'm leaving tomorrow for a Zen Buddhist retreat this weekend and want things to go well, I don't want to be a weepy mess. It's been years since I took Plan B so I can't remember how it affects me but people on the internet seem to think it's a pretty crazy assault on your body. I did go out and buy it, but haven't made a decision yet.

I would like to talk to my boyfriend about it to better understand where he saw the ejaculate on my back and if he thinks it traveled, etc, but he also has a really bad memory and is sensitive to conversation about this considering his history of impregnating someone (who apparently was both on birth control and also took Plan B after the fact, which is confusing to me how she got pregnant/if she was telling him the truth about being pregnant).

As far as the condom thing goes, we haven't had penetrative sex yet. We are not to that stage in our relationship just yet. We have discussed it, and he said he is practicing wearing condoms at home but is having trouble maintaining an erection with them on. He's used to not having to use them because his past partners have been on birth control (I'm not). We discussed it last night and he said he would keep practicing. As far as STD/STIs, we've both been tested since previous partners.

I think the path forward for us is for him to cum on my face or elsewhere on my body rather than between my butt cheeks. It has caused anxiety for me in the past before as well, although this is the first time I've considered taking Plan B. I just feel like the risk is so super low between my period and everything but my doctor's recommendation sort of scared me.

[Sam W]

Hi thechemicaleyes,

We can't say for sure why your doctor gave the answer she did. As Heather said, there doesn't seem to be a likely pregnancy risk here, but whether you choose to take Plan B depends on how comfortable you are with that remaining bit of uncertainty. I certainly understand not wanting side effects of a medication while on a retreat, but it's up to you whether avoiding those is worth not taking something that might help you feel calmer about your risk from all this (technically people in their thirties are in the "decline" of their fertility, but plenty of people in their thirties still get pregnant pretty easily).

When it comes to condom use, you and he might want to read this article if he's having trouble with erection and condom use: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... o_together. Too, if you really don't want to be pregnant, if you do decide on vaginal intercourse and he's not able to get the external condom to work, internal condoms (aka "female" condoms) are also an option. I will say that if he's unintentionally co-created a pregnancy in the past and doesn't want to again, that should actually make him more open to seriously talking about condom use, because that's a huge thing he can do to make that risk much, much lower. Too, while it's awesome you two are keeping up to date on testing, there are some STIs, like HPV, that don't really have a test or aren't commonly tested for in an STI screening. So using condoms would also give you added protection there.