idk if I like boys

[el298]

I've been questioning my sexuality for quite a while now, but I can't still figure out what I like
in the last months I've been thinking I might be a lesbian? even though there's a few but..
bc I had boy crushes, but I spoke to only one of them, the others I still don't know if they were proper crushes or idk what else (I don't know them)
also sometimes I imagine stuff with males but it's just imagination?? if I think about it irl I get the ick
it's like I could totally be with a girl (even thought there's the problem of my family being homophobic), but with a boy? idk.. still I imagine stuff and that's so confusingg

[Sam W]

Hi el298,

We can certainly help you tease out some of how you're feeling, although ultimately you're always the expert on how you feel and what words, if any, you choose to use to identify your sexual orientation.

On the topic of crushes, you don't actually have to interact with, or even know, someone in order to have a crush on them (that's how you end up with so many people having crushes on celebrities). So, if you've felt desire for or attraction to guys you didn't know, that can still be a useful data point when it comes to thinking about your sexual orientation.

With those fantasies about guys, am I right in that when you think about them entering into real life, they lose their appeal, and that when you think about who you'd actually want to date or be sexual with, it's only women? Too, would it be helpful to you to hear the experiences of other folks who have gone through the process of questioning their sexual orientation?

[el298]

hii,
on the topic of crushes, I forgot to mention that im also confused bc it's like I didn't know if I wanted to be in a relationship or just friends with them? if that makes sense
for the fantasies , it's more like I would feel uncomfortable? tbh idk how that would actually be with them actually entering real life since I haven't experienced
and yes I would see myself happier dating women
it doesn't make much sense :/
and yes hearing other experiences would be so much helpful

[Latha]

Hi El298

I think it is understandable that you're confused about whether you want romance or friendship with these crushes- it really isn't always easy to tell. You can try to imagine what kinds of relationships would make you happy, and examine your preferences, but that can only get you so far. I want to mention that you have time to figure this out- it can feel uncomfortable to not have answers, but you're not on a deadline. And you're correct that getting actual experience may clarify things a bit.

I wonder, do you have a sense of what exactly it is about dating guys/having things you fantasize about happen in real life that makes you uncomfortable?

Here is our series on the experiences of people who have gone through the process of questioning their sexual orientation: The Answers, For Now

And here is our article on being questioning

[el298]

hii,
to be honest it's more like a general feeling , I don't think there's something in particular
thank you so much for the articles and for the help

[Sam W]

You're very welcome!

And you know, it's totally okay if those feelings about who you do or don't want to pursue relationships with are just a general, floating sense of what you want. If we don't have much, or any, relationship experience, often those kinds of feelings are what we're drawing on when we try to describe our sexual orientation.