Masterbation doesn't feel wonderful to me.

[Rachel 1]

fingering myself could feel nice but not feel amazing Sometimes I do know the clitoris feels good but I think there's times where I think the clitoris isn't good enough for me ethier. ive read that pushing on the stomach brings the nerve endings together but I don't think that's a comfortable position to be pushing on my stomach the entire time im rubbing one out or fingering. So does rubbing on the stomach make rubbing the valva feel better? I did notice rubbing the area underneath my bellow button can feel nice. And I did talk to the docter about how masterbating isn't really pleasureable and I agreed to getting two blood tests for the docter to see whats causing masterbating to not be really pleasureable for me. If it turns out they couldn't find anything that can causing touching myself to not feel amazing than I just wanted to know how to make it more pleasureable it just doesn't seem fun or exciting if wanking off doesn't feel that amazing. I don't think the docter called back yet so that could mean there's nothing wrong with me.

[Rachel 1]

And i would masterbate in my bed and watch porn so if I want to try rubbing my stomach that can be difficult even if I have my phone on my bed or lap if I was sitting down it could still keep falling off me I can simply use my imagination but I wanted to watch porn instead. so is there any other ways to make masterbating feel good that doesn't include rubbing another part of my body? I want to try thinking about certain things that I find hot im pretty sure I can that way Its easier to rub my stomach and womanhood at the same time I will let you know how it went afterwards.

[Rachel 1]

I did try rubbing my stomach while masterbating I guess it did give this different feeling on the genitalia and i think I did try using my imagination but I don't know if it felt that amazing I know other people believe touching themselves feels really good I wish it felt really good for me. I do think the showerhead can feel good on that setting or sitting on the washing machine on a certain setting can feel good too but I shouldn't take a long time in the shower and it could be sus to put the washing machine on a certain setting when im not doing laundry I don't have money from my own job so I can't buy my own vibrater and I don't want a job ethier.

[Latha]

Hi Rachel 1

I understand that it can be pretty disappointing when masturbation feels underwhelming. Don't worry, it won't always be like this- often, it just takes some time and experimentation (as you're already doing) to figure out what works/feels pleasurable. It was a good idea to talk to the doctor, though- if they don't follow up on their own, perhaps you could call them yourself.

so is there any other ways to make masterbating feel good that doesn't include rubbing another part of my body?

You know, a lot of masturbation and pleasure is about what happens in your mind. If I may ask, when you masturbate or watch porn, what is your mental state like? Are you very interested, or do you feel distracted?

If you'd like, here is a guide to DIYing your own sex toys.

[Rachel 1]

I don't think a electric toothbrush feels good enough for me it can be because the vibrations aren't strong enough I don't know if I have a back massager. And I guess I can be thinking about the orgasm while I'm masterbating even if im trying to think about something im assuming that I can be less interested if I think it doesn't feel really good since it makes it seem less enjoyable or I didn't want to be touching myself in the first place. Is it possible I just have problems with being aroused enough? Maybe that's why its not feeling super pleasureable for me I think I can feel horny its not impossible for me there's times I have this feeling that feels strong on my vagina or I notice my clitoris might feel a certain way that's seems like being turned on to me.

[Rachel 1]

it can be because I want to keep rubbing on my clitoris fast instead of touched myself slowly to find what feels good to me of why it isn't always super pleasureable but i do try to rub the labia as well. even if I know masterbating is normal I think sometimes i find it werid to rub my genitals from how it feels. I guess I have a hard time being relaxed if i find it hard to not think about the orgasm and to not to focus on what feels good or the fact that it doesn't feel that pleasurable.

[Jacob]

Hey Rachel 1,

I'm so sorry you've found yourself down this path, it sounds pretty upsetting and frustrating. Especially the stress cycle around interrogating how good you think it should feel compared to how good is seemingly doesn't feel.

My take here really is that masturbation really is about exploration, and that exploration itself being enjoyable, with the places that enjoyment takes you being very different for everyone. There's no one way that experience should feel. But it doesn't sound like you are particularly enjoying that exploration right now, and are trying to power through to reach some goal on the other side. That, as you can see, results in piling up a lot of pressure on yourself.

So I'd suggest slowing down your expectations a little, and asking yourself what does feel good. There's no need to be doing anything that feels uncomfortable or upsetting, nor a step-by-step process that can transport you to imagined super-pleasure land.

A lot of life tells us to be goal-oriented, and to tolerate discomfort or pain, so that we can have some reward later on. But I think in this case, as in many others, starting and staying with the good feelings, listening to your own pleasure not pressure, is the way to go.

Part of honoring your own sense of pleasure might involve saying "this doesn't feel good right now, so I'm not going to do it"... that is a way of showing care to yourself, just as much as anything else.

So when you say right at the beginning that things feel nice but not amazing, or that the clitoris isn't 'good enough' I wonder if taking this pressure to 'get-there' away, you might find it easier to explore that original whisper of a nice feeling. There might be very very small changes that make that nice feeling take a different shape, or with the pressure subsiding, trying other things could become exciting again or easier to navigate.

Do you think this kind of change in pace could be helpful?

[Rachel 1]

I don't know if rubbing other parts of my body would actually make me have a orgasm thats why I wanted to rub my genitals instead of the neck or the nipple because I know rubbing the private parts can actually make me have a orgasm even if nipple orgasms exist its just difficult for me to have that type of climax and i was talking about fingering myself when I messaged that it felt nice but not really good. what you posted can be helpful but at the same time I generally don't like change because the whole situation about trying to take things slow while masterbating doesn't feel okay for me but sometimes I have to do things I don't want to do especially if it helps. also im sensitive so my feelings get hurt easily and I get upset at certain things as well I do have ocd and my ocd can stress me out I overthink about certain things an example is wondering if I threw up on myself or pissed myself when I probably didn't but I still wonder if it did happen. do you think these examples about what overthink about can be the reason why rubbing my vagina isn't super pleasureable for me which can be becsuse of stress? I still need pills for my ocd to be honest and what do I do if I literally never want to masterbate how do i get more into the mood? that could affect it being less enjoyable If I don't want to touch myself often.

[Rachel 1]

Plus it can be hard to enjoy the nice feeling if I don't like change and I want it to feel really good it doesn't seem that fun if it doesn't feel that pleasurable to me. I know other people believe masterbating doesn't feel good for them ethier from the post other people made on here I think I used to read those post about Masterbating not being pleasurable for them because I would relate to it before I even made post myself. And I remember this post on reddit that said some people have sensitive valvas and some have sensitive clits or some are only sensitive from penetration so it can definitely be true that everyone experiences pleasure in there own way im only eighteen years old as well to be honest.

[Heather]

You know, it sounds to me like you might be a little hung up on the idea that masturbating, or doing so certain ways, is something that you have to like or should like. But they aren't.

Generally if something optional just doesn't feel good to us we can and tend to just not do whatever that is. Jacob gave you some really good advice in their reply to you.

I think your best bet is to stop focusing on this at all, honestly. If and when it does feel like the right thing to touch any part of your body, in whatever way, for pleasure, then you'll feel that way. And what feels good to you is what will feel good to you, and what doesn't probably just doesn't for right now: anyone's best best, though, is just to lead with whatever does feel good to them, with whatever body parts, and whatever ways of engaging with them. And if none of it feels good or right right now, why spend time on it instead of exploring ways of being in your body or living like that *do* feel good for you? Sexual pleasure isn't the only means to pleasure and joy out there, after all.

It also sounds like in the meantime, it might be helpful to you when it comes to all kinds of pleasure -- not just sexual! -- to work with your mental health team. It sounds like that's one arena that might be creating barriers to you to a range of pleasure and touch, not just sexual.

[Rachel 1]

i know where the foot massager is now I was thinking about masterbating with it but will my sister be able to hear it? Because her room is near where my room is And it can make a loud sound what if others ask where the foot massager is? Doesn't it seem kinda sus to be bringing it to my room without water in it and having it turned on if im not actually using it to put my feet on? It is similar to a bath foot massager where you put water in it Even if I do have the foot massager I still want to know how to make myself feel super good between my legs. especially if I wouldn't be able to have a orgasm from the vibrations unless it's strong enough for me and I generally need that orgasm to get out that release. because I don't know if I had a orgasm from the vibrations on the washing machine. so that's why I'm not one hundred percent sure if the vibrations from the bath foot masseger would actually make me climax but it could turn to a really high setting. I think I just need something that has strong vibrations which can be why the electric toothbrush wasn't feeling really good for me. Is there some people that need really strong vibrations to feel good enough? since I know some people say that the electric toothbrush feels good for them.

[Rachel 1]

And I don't want to go my whole life not masterbating at all ethier some things can feel good from masterbation like examples is the washing machine or possibly the showerhead. its possible I just like vibrations more than my hand that's why I wanted to try the foot massager. and for my mental health im not a happy person that often I do have neagitive thoughts about myself with thinking im horrible or thinking about killing myself which is something I haven't talked about here untill now. I think I might have a sex addiction which could explain why I want to masterbate it just seems like I have this obsession with anything sex related I didn't want help for it because I guess I liked being obsessed with sex or just wanted to be. which sounds like that could already be a sign of a addiction if I don't want to stop being obcecced with sex. its like how I don't not want to change having sugary drinks everyday because I generally love sugar I can have a sugar addiction as well I litterly drink soda or cool aid everyday I guess I keep craving sugar.

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel 1,


So, with the advice both Heather and Jacob gave, they're not saying you should go your whole life without masturbating; they're saying that for right now, the way you're approaching this is causing you so much stress and also isn't producing the result you're hoping for, and so it's a good idea to take a break from it for a time. And when you do try again, you try with a different mindset and approach, one that isn't putting so much pressure on yourself.

I'm not a huge fan of the language of "sex addiction" because when there is an issue, it's about compulsion rather than addiction. Since you have a diagnosis that includes compulsion in as a feature, if you've noticed the way you think or feel about masturbation seeming compulsive, that would be something to bring to a mental health team. But there's also the fact that, when something feels good (or we're convinced it will if we could only do the right thing), it's natural for us to think about doing it or want to do it again. Seeking out pleasure, even if we do it often, isn't in and of itself a sign of addiction or compulsion.

[Rachel 1]

Why the hell do I keep finding stuff stuck to my pubes? It hurts to pull it out I think this happened twice already and I thought it was shit because it was black or brown Back to the other subject what mindset do I need to have if I want to masterbate again? i need to know so I can remember. it can be hard to change how my mind is and my last two questions is how long do I stop masterbating for? Will it feels better with a different mindset?

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel,

While I can't say for certain what you're finding in your pubic hair, sometimes vaginal discharge can get stuck in your underwear and then shifted into your pubic hair (there can also sometimes just be lint from your underwear that gets stuck).

As for mindset, I would go back to Jacob's reply, as they lay out some really clear steps for how to think about masturbation in a way that's less likely to lead to frustration and more likely to lead to pleasure. But the short version is to see masturbation as an exploration of pleasure, rather than a means to to orgasm or a process that has to go one, specific way. I can't guarantee that framing it that way will automatically make it feel better, but at the very least coming at it with a more relaxed mindset will probably cut down on the frustration.

I also can't say how long of a break you need to take. But if you find yourself wanting to masturbate and able to approach the process in the way Jacob suggests, that's a sign you could try again. But if the thought of it still frustrates you or makes you anxious or anything like that, then that's a sign to keep holding off for awhile.

[Rachel 1]

Okay, I will make sure to read Jacob's reply thanks for letting me know. I probably should stop masterbating right now untill I have a different mindset. Especially if these days don't feel right for me I swear recently everyday felt boring.

[Rachel 1]

So I'm just trying to understand this is that to see masterbating as exploration and not only what feels good? Is there any steps to not think about the orgasm or what is pleasureable for me? Because It can come back to my mind even if im trying my best not to think about it and it could stress me out to focus on those things when I do masterbate and the whole point is to not be frustrated or stressed out.

[Amanda B]

Hey Rachel 1,

Just wanted to pop in here and let you know we can continue discussing this in the other question thread you have about orgasming without touching yourself.