Masturbation

[TodorokiLuv]

Hello, I was wondering if there are any masturbation tips that you have for an asexual female with a low libido?

I've been masturbating for years, and I'm starting to get bored with the same old thing. I have a pretty low libido, and it's hard for me to get 'wet'. I've used lube, but it doesn't make masturbating that much better, even though I heard that it was supposed to

I also use 'toys' sometimes, but I still don't feel satisfied or as good as I want to, and it's somewhat frustrating.

Anyway, sorry for the super long question; I was just wondering if I could get some masturbation tips

[Sam W]

Hi TodorokiLuv,

When you masturbate, would you say your brain is particularly engaged in what's going on and you feel pretty aroused? And do you generally masturbate because of a desire to, or because you feel like you "should" be masturbating?

[TodorokiLuv]

No. When I masturbate, I usually watch... sexy things, but even though I like watching those things and get turned on from them, I'm still not engaged? I'm not sure if that makes sense, sorry. Like, I feel the arousal through my body, but my mind just isn't fully into it, so my body is only half aroused? As in, I don't/can't get wet, and the orgasms are lackluster; I mean, they feel good, but not THAT good like other people make it seem. I don't see "stars", i don't get an "out of body experience", I don't "c*m", it's really just a one and done type of thing And yes, when I masturbate, sometimes i do it when I'm bored, but most of the time, I do it because I want to... I'm literally so sorry if none of this makes sense! I'm still trying to figure it all out myself

[Sam W]

No need to apologize! Honestly, a lot of what you're describing is pretty common in terms of struggles with masturbation.

It sounds like some of what's happening has to do with expectations. Orgasm can and does feel a lot of different ways, not only from person to person but for a given person from instance to instance. And some of those ways can feel pretty mild or underwhelming (too, with something like ejaculation, that's something that not everyone with a vulva even experiences). So one thing to do is focus on whether or not something feels good in general, rather than on whether it compares to some supposedly amazing sensation other people are experiencing.

The other big thing a play seems to be the fact that your brain isn't all that engaged in what's going on. Our brains are our biggest sexual organ, so if they're not interested in what's happening, it's unlikely to feel all that exciting or pleasurable. When you're masturbating, what would you say your brain is thinking about or focusing on? Is it kind of wandering? Do you feel stressed or in a rush for some reason? Something else?