Why does a cucumber hurt when I tried inserting it in my vagina?

[Rachel 1]

I wanted to try to masterbate with a cucumber but it hurt and it didn't even go in that deep its possible it didn't even go in my vagina at all that can explain why it didn't go in there really deep. Does the cucumber really feel that good? It hurt for me I have put both lotion and spit on the cucumber for lube it still didn't go that far into my vagina. ive seen in porn this girl was able to put the cucumber in her vagina deeper than I can why are other women able to penetrate themselves with cucumbers? I can finger myself easily that's probably because my fingers are thinner. is it my hymen that's making it difficult to insert the cucumber if it isnt even going into the hole? and I threw out the cucumber after trying to put it in myself.

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel 1,

So, to be blunt, this kind of choice is the exact thing we've be cautioning you against in several ways during our conversations here. For starters, we've talked repeatedly about the fact that masturbation just isn't likely to be a pleasurable experience for you any time soon, and that taking a break from it is going to be the soundest choice right now. We've also talked about how it's going to be better for your acceptance of your own body and sexual response to stop seeking out places--including sexual media like porn--that present sex in narrow terms or feed into the idea that "X always does/should feel good."

At this point, I think it's worth asking yourself why you feel the need to keep trying to masturbate even after everything we've discussed here. Too, I've noticed that in past conversations, when we hit a point where we're talking about things like mental health, or even looking at pleasure in some radically different ways than you've run into before, you tend to leave those conversations and start a new thread right back at the question of why masturbation or another form of sexual stimulation does/doesn't feel good to you.

I'm naming that pattern in part because that can be something people do without really noticing, but often it indicates that some kind of need isn't being met by the conversations that we've already had with them. So, it might also help to think about what you're looking for when you post here. Do you see what I'm getting at there?

[Rachel 1]

To be honest rubbing the vaginal opening does feel good when I masterbated in the past so I actually can experience pleasure from masterbation. I just thought what I was feeling was pain and not pleasure so that's why I haven't talked about that untill later the vaginal opening does have nerve endings from a reply on the message board thats how I know what I was feeling probably was pleasure. And I just wanted an answer to this post because I wanted to know the reason why the cucumber hurt and I don't know if it's only because of porn I think its because of youtube videos of why I wanted to try penetrating myself with a cucumber. than I started watching porn videos about it I just wanted touching myself to feel amazing thats why I made that post about it not feeling really good but clitoral stimulation can feel good too. I got a blood test yesterday so it seems like they still couldn't find anything from the last one for why masterbating isn't super pleasureable.

[Sam W]

Can I ask if differentiating between pain and pleasure is something you struggle with more generally? Because the vast majority of our body parts have nerve endings, so just the presence of those doesn't make a sensation pleasurable; it's our experience of that sensation. Too, if you have trouble telling if a sensation is painful, that may be something to talk with a healthcare provider about, just because we do need our bodies to be able to sense pain as a way of avoiding injury.

As for why the cucumber was painful, it's most likely because that kind of masturbation has consistently been unpleasant or painful for you; that pattern is not going to go away just because you used a different object for insertion during masturbation. Really, this all goes back to what I said above about the soundest choice for you being to just steer clear of masturbation for awhile. You say you keep trying in part because you want it to feel amazing, and while that's an absolutely okay way to feel, at a certain point the way to do that is to take a break and stop trying, rather than continuing to try and try in ways that you know don't feel all that great and just leave you frustrated.