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how to stop myself

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naurmi008
not a newbie
Posts: 124
Joined: Thu May 25, 2023 5:55 am
Age: 16
Pronouns: she/her
Location: Indonesia

how to stop myself

Unread post by naurmi008 »

ok so i know i shouldn't pursue this one guy. i know he'll only take advantage of me and i know i shouldn't try to pursue anything with him. but i can't. i can't seem to stop myself. help please!!
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: how to stop myself

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Naurmi,

Thanks for picking this up after chat! So, as we've touched on before, the fact that this is yet another adult in a position of power hitting on you is a big part of why pursuing him is a bad idea (and why he shouldn't be directing any sexual or romantic comments your way in the first place). I really like the way Heather talks about having crushes on teachers or other people who it's not a good idea for us to act on our feelings toward here: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... t_pursuits

I do think, given everything you've talked about with us, it might be beneficial to you to start or nurture places or activities where you can receive positive attention that isn't tied to men flirting with you. If you have other places where you feel appreciated, affirmed, or otherwise like you're getting positive attention, the easier it can be to remind yourself that relationships--including ones that those guys shouldn't be pursuing in the first place--aren't your only option to feel like people are noticing you. Can you think of some things in your life that would help you get that kind of attention?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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