My mom wants to force me to get a virginity test as well as a pregnancy test at the gynecologist

[random957]

My mom likes to believe things with no evidence, so she no matter what I say wants to get a virginity and pregnancy test at the gynecologist. This is so that she can use it as evidence to falsely sue my boyfriend of VAWC. He has never harmed me in any way. Can the gynecologist tell her anything at all that she can twist even if he can’t confirm anything? And what can I do to protect myself and my boyfriend?

[Heather]

Hi there, random.

I'm having a little bit of trouble ascertaining exactly what the legal rights of a minor in the Philippines are when it comes to this kind of medical treatment, but let me start with what I know for sure first.

There is no such thing as "virginity testing," and that's because there is nothing that having any kind of sex can do to the body that can be tested for with the exception of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

There are archaic beliefs that with vaginal intercourse, the hymen breaks, but that's something that the modern medical community has known not to be factual for a couple decades now. It's long been known that, instead, the hymen -- thin tissue tethered just inside the vaginal opening and attached to the vaginal canal -- wears away over time, a process that speeds up once someone starts menstruating. That wearing away process is lifelong, and while vaginal sex can speed it up, that tissue is also very, very elastic, so not only can people have intercourse and cause no change to it, there are even cases where people with a lot of their hymen tissue left have given birth and it has just stretched around the infants head, for real.

Like I said, I can't get a strong read on your rights, but my sense of things is that from 15 up, you probably have the right to refuse medical treatment. However, something you could do even if you don't have that right is to talk to the gynecologist about this before you have any kind of exam and let them know you do not want an exam. It is actually unethical for any doctor, anywhere, to perform tests (and certainly to perform things that are not real tests to begin with) on patients who do not need them for their health. Telling a GYN that you would like to refuse what your mother is asking her for should make it so that they, too, refuse to examine you.

I can't speak for what protects your boyfriend because I don't know the situation that endangers him. Can you fill me in a little more on that? VAWC as I understand it is a violence against women act: does your mother earnestly believe your boyfriend has abused you in some way, or is this a situation where she doesn't like him or your relationship for some other reason and is looking to try and use this policy dishonestly?