Feeling guilty because of my fantasies

[mika.m]

Hi, sometimes I really feel guilty because of my fantasies.
In the past year, I was in my friend's cousin's home at night. I was masturbating and thinking that I have sex with her.
Also sometimes I think that I have sex or having BDSM relationship with some women who I familiar with them.

In both scenarios, I really feel guilty about that especially when I masturbate with it too

[Sam W]

Hi Mika,

Can you say a little bit more about why these fantasies, or masturbation that involves them, leaves you feeling guilty?

[mika.m]

So, I feel guilty because I think" what if they don't like what I'm thinking, maybe they get upset when they know what I'm thinking"

[Sam W]

Got it. So, a useful thing to keep in mind here is that people can't know our fantasies--or any of our thoughts, really--unless we tell them about them. What we fantasize about is entirely up to us, and unless we decide to act on a fantasy, it doesn't have the ability to hurt or upset the other person. Does that make sense?

[mika.m]

Yeah but doesn't it effect to my relationships? The women who I think about are nice and familiar, and I don't want to make our relationship more further

[Sam W]

If you chose to interact with these women differently because of your fantasies about them, then yes it could potentially effect your relationship. But fantasizing alone won't do that, and plenty of people fantasize about people they know without it changing how they interact with those people.

[mika.m]

So, is it not bad to think like that even they don't like this?

[Sam W]

No, it's not bad to fantasize about these people or activities, even if you don't think (or you know) that they wouldn't be open to them in real life. Our fantasies are ultimately for us, and unless we start treating people based on our fantasy versions of them rather than how they really are, fantasizing about things that can't or won't happen isn't going to hurt them.

[mika.m]

If so, I will go to have better masturbation thanks for help

[Sam W]

You're welcome!