don't know what to put here (tldr im horny)

[name_pending]

Wrote up a longer post but reloaded by accident and my browser ate it so you're getting the bullet points.

[*] I'm on SSRIs, AFAB, and pre-transition. This might be impacting things.
[*] I don't know what orgasm is meant to feel like, or if I've ever even had one.
[*] I'm aroused all the time. Masturbating feels good, but it doesn't really satisfy my long-term needs.
[*] This is my first forum post, so please let me know if I did anything wrong here.
[*] I am kind of awkward about this, sorry.

[Sam W]

Hi name_pending, welcome to the boards!

With orgasm, one of the tricky things is that it can feel different for everyone to some degree. And for the majority of people, their orgasm can feel different from instance to instance in terms of things like intensity. If you haven't already seen it, I'd give this article a read and see what it describes orgasm, and the resolution stage after orgasm, as entailing to see if it matches with your own experiences: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

In terms of not feeling long-term satisfaction from masturbation, can you say a little more about what need or desire doesn't feel like it's being met? Or is it more that you'll masturbate and then find yourself feeling aroused again a fairly short amount of time later?

[name_pending]

It feels like I just plateau, and than... stay there. I'm still aroused, but I rarely feel any sort of release. Sometimes I feel satisfied, but I often just feel horny again soon after. I don't think I feel any involuntary muscle contractions, and I don't really notice any liquid other than the usual for me.

[Latha]

Hi there, Name_pending

If I may ask, how long do you stay at the plateau stage? And what is your mental state like? Are you usually very focused on the sensations or a fantasy, or are you distracted/bored?

[name_pending]

I don't really know the exact time. It feels good, and I keep going, but there's nothing particularly special about it, no specific point where I feel release. Sometimes I'm focused on fantasies, sometimes I'm just trying to deal with an urge. Eventually I stop, either because I need to do something else or because I'm not really feeling like it anymore, and in a few moments I'm feeling horny again.

[Latha]

Hi Name_pending,

Let me go back to your first post for a moment. Just to check, have you noticed any feelings of gender dysphoria that could be impacting your experience with masturbation?

SSRIs can have sexual side effects, so speaking to your doctor about adjusting your medication is an option. But if they are working well it might be best to try other strategies first.

How would you feel about experimenting with new ways of masturbating or different fantasies? Doing that could include exploring sexual media. This article provides a list of ways in which people masturbate if you would like some ideas. And this is an article on DIY sex toys.

[name_pending]

Honestly, masturbating often makes me feel *less* dysphoric. The fact that there's something in my pants is often enough for me, even if the thing in question is a hand or vibrator or whatnot rather than a dick.

I'm feeling pretty good on the SSRIs, and adjusting them plays havoc with my mental health for a few weeks while I acclimate. Plus, I don't think I could work up the nerve to tell my psychiatrist about my solo sex life.

I think the main problem I'm having is that I'm horny a lot, and I can't really relieve that very quickly, and I often end up in the very awkward situation of being really horny and wanting to masturbate but also being in public and not knowing how to satisfy that urge. Like, I can't exactly take out lube and a vibrator at school and spend an hour in the bathroom.

[name_pending]

The closest I've come to talking about my sex life in person was a parent asking me "what's that" about my vibrator while I was unpacking my luggage. I awkwardly told them, and they basically went "Oh. Sorry, that's your business, and I'm glad you're taking care of your needs", and than dropped it (the topic of conversation, not the vibrator). Which I'm thankful for, because that could've been a lot more awkward.

[Amanda B]

Hey name_pending,

I'm glad that person didn't shame you for having a very common item! I'm hearing a few things here. First, you're experiencing sexual pleasure, but just aren't sure how to get out of a plateau stage, and experience that 'release'. Second, I'm hearing that this horniness often comes at times when it may not be great to masturbate, and that's really frustrating.

To the first point, oftentimes when orgasm, or the big release, is top of mind, it feels almost impossible to achieve. It's super common for everything to be feeling great, but to just not be able to get there. The thing is, if we're so focused on orgasms, we may take away from focusing on the sensations of pleasure just as they are. Have you tried masturbating in ways that feel good, and just seeing where things go, rather than fixating on an orgasm? Relieving yourself of that pressure may help.

To the second point, it is a reality that we're going to get horny at times when we can't do anything about it. This is really important for consent too. When you get horny at school, what have you tried to relieve this? It could be helpful to tell yourself something like "wow! I feel so horny right now, but it's not the time to explore. Tabling these feelings is important, and I will have plenty of time after school to masturbate." How would these little self-talk scripts help?

[name_pending]

Thanks for the advice. It helps.