I can only orgasm with a vibrator and my bf is not the problem

[Hobogirl]

As I stated in the title, my boyfriend is doing everything right. He's rubbing my clit the right way, he'll eat me out the right way, etc....but I just don't feel anything. I think something is wrong with me and Idk what to do because everyone just tells me I'm "doing it wrong" and that is one of the most annoying things to hear.

I feel broken. I've never been able to orgasm just from using my hand. I've tried everything: riding pillows, using my fingers, using my bf's fingers, you name it but it just doesn't work. I can only orgasm using a vibrator. Penetration is fine, I just don't feel this crazy overwhelming sensation that everyone else does (penetration + a vibrator I like though). I think I'm not a sensitive person, which is ironic because I'm always SUUUPER horny around my boyfriend. That being said, even if I'm insanely horny I still hardly feel anything from my clit being stimulated in a normal way.

I am taking wellbutrin and vyvanse so maybe that has something to do with it (I'm not going to switch meds because I've already switched meds so many times that I had to be sent to a psychiatrist because my primary care at the time ran out of pills to have me try lol). I've also always been medicated with ADHD meds my whole life so maybe I just don't know anything different? When my clit is stimulated with anything besides a vibrator I feel a sensation (not good or bad) for a split second and then it's gone.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried everything and I feel like it makes my bf sad that he can't make me finish. HOWEVER, there was ONE TIME I came without a vibrator and that's when he was rubbing his dick on my clit from behind. I still don't know why that happen, but I'm not complaining.

Is my clit too small? Am I not sensitive like other people? Hell I have 0 feeling in my nipples too so maybe??? When my bf licks my nipples I can see his tounge coming into contact with them, yet I have 0 feeling. It's like they're numb. Apparently my mom's the same way.

I'm just yappin at this point, I just feel so lost and frustrated. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Sam W]

Hi Hobogirl,

I promise you're not doing anything wrong, and that you're not; the ways we do, or don't, experience sexual pleasure are incredibly varied. The trouble is, we're often presented with this idea that there are things that "should" help us reach orgasm or be incredibly pleasurable, and that can leave us feeling crummy if our bodies don't align with those "shoulds."

You mention that you think your medication might be playing a role, and that's entirely possible, as some medications do have sexual side effects (though my understanding is that wellbutrin specifically isn't known for that). But it also sounds like there are things, like combining a vibrator with vaginal sex, that feel really good to you and lead to orgasm. So, I think it's worth focusing on why you feel like the things you do enjoy aren't enough, or why you feel like you somehow need to be able to orgasm from just manual stimulation alone. You mention you feel like this is making your partner sad. Has he expressed that to you, or is there something in his behavior that suggests that's what's going on?

[Hobogirl]

My boyfriend hasn't said anything verbally to indicate that it makes him sad, probably because he doesn't want me to feel guilty about it. However his body language when it doesn't work and I give up and tell him to stop shows that he seems to beat himself up over it mentally. He's the kind of person who really wants to make me feel good, but feels it's unfair he gets to orgasm every time we do anything and I don't.

[Willa]

Hi Hobogirl,

If you are together and using a vibrator with or without other stimulation, then that is just as valid of an orgasm as an orgasm from oral or PIV intercourse. As Sam said to you it may be worth it to explore the things that do make you feel good rather than trying to force other things to feel good when they do not. Trying to do that just sets everyone in the situation up for disappointment. Many people with vaginas enjoy stimulation from toys such as vibrators and rely on them for pleasure and orgasms.

Opening up this conversation with your boyfriend may be helpful, as it seems assumptions are being made on both sides. Communication with our sexual partners is vital to a happy and healthy sexual relationship. Communicating with your boyfriend about how you feel lost or frustrated can open a conversation where you can honestly work together instead of assuming how these situations make him feel.