Squirting??

[Viennakuko]

I have been trying to finish while masturbating for at least a year now, to no avail. What confuses me reddit told me what always happen is squirting but idk..
Basically i can feel myself getting to the edge and i feel myself literally crossing a barrier and it feels nice but it is obviously not an orgasm. If i try to keep going, firstly my clitoris is so incredibly sensitive that it isn't enjoyable. Secondly when i do keep going i suddenly have to pee sooo bad and yes you would think this is squirting. I have to run to the bathroom to let it out because one time i let myself do it in bed and it soaked thru 2 towels all the way thru my bedsheets. How is that squirting it straight up feels like pee with that amount, it doesn't feel any different from peeing, but desperately having to pee right after a non orgasm every time makes no sense, and either way after all that liquid it doesn't even feel good anymore and i just give up. If i hold it in i feel uncomfortable and either way whether i let it out or not i don't orgasm so i am disappointed every time. What is this?? I have tried other forums and was unsuccessful... thnx

[Nadine E.]

Hi there Viennakuko,

Welcome to the boards! It can definitely be confusing when you’re expecting a specific outcome or experience when masturbating. I want to point out that each person’s body is different, and that while we get told a lot of messages about what pleasure or orgasm ‘should’ feel like, the reality is that human bodies are extremely diverse, and there are many ways to experience pleasure that isn’t one size fits all. Like you shared, for some people, rubbing their clit isn’t pleasurable because it feels too intense for them. Have you tried masturbating in other ways besides clitoral stimulation that you’ve found enjoyable or pleasurable? I’d also be curious to know more about how you’re feeling when you try masturbating? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable? Keep in mind that your thoughts and feelings when you’re trying to masturbate can be just as important in shaping your experience. I will say that if your your main focus and goal is to orgasm when masturbating, that can create a lot of pressure and make it harder to fully relax and give into the experience. Here are some other resources on orgasm and masturbation that might be interesting to look at:

• Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide

• How do you masturbate?

When it comes to the fluids you’re describing, it could be urine but it could also be ejaculate (squirting). Do you usually pee before masturbation? Have you noticed any difference between the release of this fluid when you’ve peed before masturbating versus when you haven’t?

It’s important to note that ejaculating/squirting is not the same thing as orgasm, and is a separate process from orgasm. It could happen to coincide with orgasm, but it can also happen before or without any orgasm at all. It has its own sensation and doesn’t necessarily have to feel a certain way to you. It is also very possible to release a lot of fluid that it would soak through towels and sheets. I get that it can feel uncomfortable or not be something you enjoy, and that’s totally okay. People have different feelings about squirting. Have you noticed this fluid being released when you’re stimulating a specific part or touching yourself in a certain way?

I recommend this resource on squirting as well, for more information on what it is and isn’t.

[Viennakuko]

Hi thank you for the reply.
I often try putting a finger or 2 in but i feel next to nothing. Any other forms of masturbation are the same, i feel nothing.
Using my clitoris feels great, but as I said i get to a point where it literally feels like im pushing past this barrier which i imagine one would feel when orgasming, except it lasts about 1 second and isn't all that exciting.

I did think i was enjoying the moment normally and not just focused on the end but i mean maaayybe i wasn't? But i believe i take my time and enjoy it....

I do usually pee beforehand but nothing changes. I can basically feel my bladder filling up suddenly and it is incredibly full when i usually run to the bathroom at the end. It is so full i have to bend over cuz it kind of hurts.

I try but i feel 0 difference between what might be squirting and when i just pee normally. It isn't exactly squirting out either it just kinda "pours out" just like if i were peeing the bed.

I have seen things saying it might be before an orgasn that is coming, but after it is all out everything is covered in pee down there and i know longer feel anything if i keep going. So i always jsut give up.
Thnx

[Sam W]

Hi Viennakuko,

Can I ask if you have any issues with incontinence or feeling like you have to urinate constantly more generally?

Too, when you feel like you're pushing past that barrier when masturbating, is that one-second sensation a pleasurable one? And when it passes, do you feel your interest in continuing to masturbate kind of fading away?

[Viennakuko]

No real incontinence issues that i have noticed no..

And yes exactly as you said the sensation is nice, just not an orgasm level pleasure by any means.
And also yes the interest does slowly fade, i mean i do sometimes keep going till my bladder fills again, but it doesn't feel anywhere near as nice anymore nor do i feel excited.

[Latha]

Hi Viennakuko,

Hmmm, I'm wondering if you are experiencing an orgasm, just one that isn't as strong as you expect it to be. There is this idea out there that orgasms are always incredibly intense, but that doesn't have to be the case. If you're experiencing a sort of peak in pleasure, followed by a sense of release or fading interest, that may be an orgasm.

Do you think it would help to take a bathroom break when your interest starts fading, so that you can come back and try again?

[Viennakuko]

I tried that recently, but i am no longer wet of course and nothing is sensitive anymore so it took ages for me to start enjoying it again after "finishing" the first time.

It has crossed my mind that that could be the orgasm but if so i would be crushed to be completely honest... it isn't satisfying, it is barely anything.
I always get worried that maybe i have something like anorgasmia or something similar if that is possible because it is so incredibly mild and short (if that really was an orgasm)

[Sam W]

Can you say a little more about why you would be crushed if this was the average intensity you had with orgasm?

Too, when you masturbate, would you say you're really engaged in a fantasy or something else that makes it easy for you to get and stay aroused? I ask because if that isn't a process that's easy for you, it makes sense that taking a break sort of kills whatever arousal was there in the first place.

[Viennakuko]

Well, i in my heart definitely feel that isn't an orgasm because it is barely even a release it just ends feeling ever so slightly better than it did during for 1 second, so I would be crushed if this is how it is always going to be for me because i really want to experience the real thing.

I typically read things on reddit which keep me engaged constantly because i am always reading smth steamy durig, si no it isn't really difficult....

Other than losing arousal i also struggle to keep going because peeing or whatever it truly is just washes everything away down there so after i am done in the bathroom there is nothing to assist me because it is all dry.

[Latha]

Hi Viennakuko,

I want to gently challenge this idea you have about the 'real thing'. Orgasms have a lot of great publicity, so I understand why you would want to experience strong ones. But they are not necessarily the most important part of sex- after all, they only last for a few seconds. The satisfaction that people experience from sex can depend a lot on their experience before they orgasm. And if their experience leading up to orgasm isn't very pleasurable, the orgasm itself often won't feel that good either. If you're looking to feel more pleasure during sex, this might be a good place to start. That is, you could explore ways to feel more pleasure before you orgasm.

Also, this isn't necessarily how it will always be for you. Your experience of your sexuality can change throughout your life. Just because you are not having strong orgasms now, that doesn't mean you will never have them.

I think the idea presented in the following excerpt might be useful for you. It is from this advice column: Ask not what your body can do for you, but what you can do for your body!

When our bodies just won't do or keep doing certain things, it's often because they just can't do or keep doing those things, or can't without risking injury. When they act like they're worn out, it's usually because they are. And when they will not do what we want them to, it can be because they are doing what our brains and all the systems of the body -- who have greater wisdom than our wants -- are directing them to do. Continuing vaginal intercourse, for example, when you're not lubricated enough or when your vagina, as an organ, is just done for the time being not only is unlikely to feel good, it also risks injury, so how smart is your vag to be like, "Hey, seriously, no more like this: I'm trying to tell you every way I can," when that's the case? Very smart.

That doesn't mean that you can't still explore and experience pleasure when that happens, though. It just means you need to listen to your body and try to answer it by meeting its needs, rather than trying to push it to do things it's resisting that you might want without making any changes or accommodations. If the sexual ideas or pre-written scripts we have for our bodies don't work with how our bodies actually are, we can't usually change our bodies to suit them (and I'd posit that we usually shouldn't try to, either). What we can change are those ideas, those scripts, or our approaches. We can choose to think about and do things differently that both accommodate our bodies and the pleasure we're seeking.

How does this sound to you?

after i am done in the bathroom there is nothing to assist me because it is all dry.

If things getting too dry down there is a concern, maybe you could try to use lube.

Have you ever checked in with a doctor about the feeling you get of having to pee?