Difficulty finishing

[Lime_time]

I'm in my late teens and having a lot of difficulty reaching orgasm when I'm working with just myself.
Whenever I just use my hands, I'll either get too tired to continue or I'll suddenly get very oversensitive and it will hurt to continue. I've used a few toys before, and while they do feel great I very quickly become numb to all of them.
I am on an anti-anxiety medication known for causing sexual issues (lowest prescribed dose possible of Zoloft) but it doesn't really seem to be the only issue.
I've found a similar thread on here but the recommended solution was to see a gynecologist, but that's not really something I can do without bringing up a lot of questions with my strict religious parents and I can't ask for a change in medication either because this has been one of the only things to help me manage my anxiety.
Me and my boyfriend (both of us are trans guys) have had a lot of discussions about this and have looked for solutions together but nothing we find seems to work.

[CaitlinEve]

Hi Lime_time, welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm sorry to hear that you're having difficulty reaching orgasm while masturbating! You may be right that it can be attributed to your anti-anxiety medication and I'm sure you know you're not alone in that; it's a common side-effect! If you and your boyfriend are having partnered sex, have you been able to reach orgasm through that? If you can, it may be possible that you are simply less aroused when you masturbate, which is leading to this frustration. If applicable, have you noticed that your partnered orgasms feel different than any you may reach solo?

You mentioned sensitivity and numbness, which may mean that you just need to explore a different avenue of masturbating; however, is it possible that you may be having smaller/different feeling orgasms than you expect which is leading to your sensitivity? Orgasms don't fit a mold, they come in all shapes and sizes, and it's not impossible that you may just be having less eventful climaxes than you expect or that you've experienced before.

At the end of the day, you know your body best though! If you're feeling up to some reading (and it's safe to do some research on this topic in your household), I would recommend reading this article.

[Lime_time]

Thank you for such a quick response!
Neither of us have actually ever had partnered sex before, but we are planning ahead to try it out together in a few days. He finds it rather easy to orgasm, while I am having a lot of difficulty with it and have actually never gotten there to begin with.
I believe maybe the arousal thing you mentioned might be part of it, because I have noticed that I will get a lot more aroused when I'm with him than when I'm working alone. (We've done foreplay and a lot of teasing before but have been too nervous to take things any further.)

[CaitlinEve]

Thank you for your quick reply as well!

As you plan to try partnered sex, is there any information you and/or your boyfriend would like or any topics you're curious about? Feel free to ask us questions; we're here to help, whether it's reassurance or education.

Back to your original topic however; when you are solo, do you try to engage in foreplay? It may help you with your arousal to pinpoint things that 'work' for you! Have you tried to engage in fantasy, particularly about your boyfriend, to see if it helps your masturbation and potential orgasm?

[Lime_time]

I've tried foreplay on my own, but nothing really seems to work, even if I'll do the same things we do when we're together. I can get aroused easily, but I find it very difficult to get as aroused as I do with him when I'm on my own, even though I do have a very active imagination.

On the topic of partnered sex, my partner and I have purchased a small toy (a couple's vibrator) to help us get into things. We're both very open to trying new things, but neither of us really know any kind of technique when it comes to pleasing someone else, especially since we're both AFAB.

[Sam W]

Hi Lime_time,

With masturbation, I think some of what you're experiencing is basically a learning curve; if this is all fairly new to you, you're still probably in the process of figuring out what your body and brain do and don't find pleasurable while masturbating. So, as you continue trying things out, and you explore sex with your partner, you may end up learning things that help you orgasm. Too, while orgasm can be nice, it doesn't have to be the sole focus of masturbation, and in fact focusing more on your overall pleasure through-out the process, rather than on reaching orgasm, tends to result in a more enjoyable time.

As far as partnered sex, the biggest piece of advice I can give is to communicate before, after, and during. Learning how to create a mutually enjoyable sexual experience involves a lot of, well, learning. None of us go into sex with a person the first time knowing exactly how to please them, and that's okay! In fact, I'd argue that part of the fun of sex is getting to learn those things. If they'd help, these are some great tools for navigating that process:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... een_zine_0