I can get aroused but when I try to masturbate it goes away? (and other questions)

[snakesarecoolB)]

I'm in highschool right now, and I've been able to get sexually aroused for a while now. However, whenever I try to masturbate that feeling goes away and I just feel awkward instead. Everyone else around me doesn't seem to have trouble with it. I think it could be that I'm being too sudden because most times I automatically try to go straight to fingering myself? How do I ease into it and actually be able to enjoy it? I'm also a bit worried because I can't really fit more than one finger inside my vagina. Do I just need to practice? How can I help increase the capacity? How do I know if I enjoy penetrative sex/masturbation, or if it just isn't for me?

[StephR]

Hi snakesarecool,

Are you using lube when you masturbate? And have you tried things besides fingering yourself, such as rubbing the clitoris or other parts of your body?

[CaitlinEve]

Hi snakesarecoolB)!

It's definitely possible that you aren't preparing yourself, body and mind, for masturbating and that's why you're having trouble maintaining your arousal. Unfortunately I can't give you a one-size-fits-all response, as everybody has different things that work for them. What I CAN say is that it may help to explore to see what works for you as an individual. This can take many different forms from fantasy to foreplay, or even just setting the mood by dimming the lights and lighting a candle!

As for your concerns about being able to finger yourself with more than one finger, the more likely explanation is that you may just not be aroused enough to be able to relax your muscles. Penetrative sex/masturbation definitely isn't for everybody and it is possible that it's not for you (and that's okay!), but exploring can go a long way in discovering whether or not it is! Here is an article that you may find helpful in exploring what masturbation can be.

Please feel free to respond with more questions or even if you'd just like more information!

[snakesarecoolB)]

Hi snakesarecool,

Are you using lube when you masturbate? And have you tried things besides fingering yourself, such as rubbing the clitoris or other parts of your body?

Usually for me by the time I get to that point there's already enough slip to where I usually don't use lube, but I have a few times. I still can't get the other finger in, though. I have tried rubbing the clitoris, but I'm not sure if it's helped? Idk, lol

[Andy]

Hi,

thank you for the additional information. As for lube, it can often be helpful even when it seems like there is enough natural lubrication, it doesn't have to be a replacement of it but rather just an addition to make things more slippery and comfortable.

To get a better sense of what might be behind this: How do you feel mentally when you try to masturbate? Are you excited and comfortable or do you feel stressed or frustrated about it not feeling like you expect it to? Something else?
I’m asking because our brain is actually our biggest sexual organs, our feelings and emotions at a given moment can greatly affect the physical feelings and responses as well. Do you notice how some people tense and raise their shoulders when they are stressed without being aware of doing that? The vagina can work similarly but with the difference that we can’t relax the muscles there voluntary.