How to get over fear of penetrative sex

[starryskies143]

Hi everyone, this is the first time I've found this website and I thought maybe it could help me talk through some of my fears. Essentially I am 23 years old and a complete and total virgin. No sex, no relationships, Ive never even held someones hand. I know its nothing to be ashamed of but I do feel sometimes like I'm being left behind by my peers who for the most part have at the very least been in relationships ergo have likely also experienced sex. My main reason for turning to these message boards is that more and more though I'd like to have sex I just have this constant feeling that I won't enjoy it. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I have masterbated but rarely tried penetration and the few times I have I've never felt any pleasure from it. It's not painful or anything but it's mildnlly uncomfortable and just doesn't do anything for me. I'd like to try and find a way to get pleasure from it even just so that I can finally figure out if I truly don't like it or if I'm just afraid. Any tips on how to conquer that fear or to help myself feel more comfortable with it?

[Willa]

Hi Starskies143,

A good rule of thumb for masturbation is to do things that feel good or pleasurable, and if something is uncomfortable or painful to stop or take a break from it. There are a few different ways to approach what you are asking. One thing I want to start with is that not everyone enjoys insertion, and it does not need to be present for sex to "real". When we make these decisions for ourselves and our bodies, it is best to think deeply about what we desire and what arouses us. When we make decisions based on feeling "behind" sexually or like we are adhering to some sexual timeline, we are much less likely to have a pleasurable experience because we are more likely stressed and not relaxed/comfortable. Does that all make sense?

One question I want to ask is your experience with masturbation in general. Is it something that you usually feel is a pleasurable experience? One thing about insertion is that it is most pleasurable when the person is aroused and relaxed first.