A puzzled ace

[fynn_arcana]

Hey hey, I’m new here, so lemme know if I did anything wrong in this post. But that aside—

I’m a 19-year-old AFAB who’s somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I was raised religious/“save sex for marriage” so I do have a bit I’m working thru when it comes to proper mindsets. As of now, I have zero interest in partnered sex, but I’m super interested in masturbation.

Only problem? I can’t seem to figure out how to get aroused.

I have the mental desire to try it out, and think I feel libido during certain times of my menstrual cycle, but I have no idea how to trigger arousal. Am I able to get aroused since I’m ace? I would love any advice.

[Andy]

Hi there and welcome to the boards!

Don’t worry, your post is perfectly okay! As for your question, when you talk about arousal do you mean just physical arousal (things like penis getting hard or vagina lubricated), mental one (wanting to masturbate, feeling excited), or both?

It will vary a lot from person to person but there are definitely people on the ace spectrum that can and do experience arousal. Sometimes people who are asexual as well as those who aren’t just haven’t discovered things that is arousing for them and if they want, further exploration of their feelings and fantasies might help with that. Sometimes there can be other things keeping us from experiences arousal or pleasure like stress, medication or internalized messages we got about sex and sexuality. And sometimes it’s just that our bodies and minds don’t always work exactly like we expect them to, and that’s okay.

(Also, if you want to talk/read about more about dealing with being raised in a environment that was not sex positive, we can definitely talk about that and we have some great articles on that topic as well, so let us know what would be helpful for you!)