I am 19, I know I am on the older side when it comes to this group but I am still very young and naive.
A little backstory. I moved out here to Austin, Texas back in October for a job, a friend of mine got me the job. I live with her in this 5 bedroom house along with 4 other housemates, all of us under 25 and all of us work for the same company but mostly different locations.
I am not a virgin, I had two boyfriends before coming here and I stayed monogamous with both. I slowly started to figure out that my housemates have sexual relations together, a bit strange for me at first but I do not judge and none of them ever tried to pressure me on doing something. I will add that none of us do any drugs or drink beer, if anything we drink way too much coffee.
Long story short is that last night I had sex with two of the guys who live here plus a friend who occasionally visits, and here I am right now asking myself WHY I did it.
What bothers me the most is what would my parents think? Like they helped me to come down here and have this awesome life with my friend, they did not help me so that I can have sex with multiple partners.
And how will my housemates look at me from now on? I know they will not judge me, I know this is normal for them, but how do I get myself to being comfortable around them? BTW I left like at 4am this morning because I didn't want to see any of them, I am not at all mad at them, I just don't want them to see me in some kind of different light.
And part of me wants to leave and go back with my parents.
Mostly I feel alone right now.
So, how do I get myself to feel better? What I did last night was okay, I know it wasn't wrong, but I don't feel good about it.
I'm already thinking about my future husband and wondering how I would ever tell him about this.
And FYI last night was good, no pressure and nothing was forced on me, if anything the guys were to nice, but I do wish I slowed WAAAYYY down and allowed myself to think.
Did something new and unexpected
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
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- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Did something new and unexpected
Hi StellaOs,
I'm sorry to hear this is stressing you out to this degree! Though it does sound like this is ultimately an interaction that was consensual and even overall positive, and that what's tripping you up now is some feelings about it that you maybe didn't anticipate.
To make sure I'm understanding right, would you say that your main worries around this are about what people, namely your parents or a future partner, would think if they knew you'd done this? Or are there other elements of the situation that are stressing you out as well.
Too, if it would be helpful, we can talk about that wish that you'd slowed down a bit and given yourself time to think; even if it can't be applied to this situation, learning how to do that is a really, really useful skill to have in navigating sexual relationships more generally.
I'm sorry to hear this is stressing you out to this degree! Though it does sound like this is ultimately an interaction that was consensual and even overall positive, and that what's tripping you up now is some feelings about it that you maybe didn't anticipate.
To make sure I'm understanding right, would you say that your main worries around this are about what people, namely your parents or a future partner, would think if they knew you'd done this? Or are there other elements of the situation that are stressing you out as well.
Too, if it would be helpful, we can talk about that wish that you'd slowed down a bit and given yourself time to think; even if it can't be applied to this situation, learning how to do that is a really, really useful skill to have in navigating sexual relationships more generally.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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StellaOs
- newbie
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2024 5:38 am
- Age: 19
- Pronouns: She/her
- Location: Austin, tx
Re: Did something new and unexpected
Hello back Sam W,
Stres level is down but still high. Took the plan b pill to calm my nerves a bit even though we always used condoms.
The sex was great but it was embarrassing, always wanting more but not understanding why I was doing it. Second guessing myself a million times while having sex but still doing it. I barely ever looked at any of them while doing it, maybe my way of not wanting to believe it???
What hurt the most after we were done is that they all acted like normal guys again, like I was just another thing to play with. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but maybe a hug or something would have been nice, I don't know. It was so normal for them but for me I was putting on this face acting like I was completely comfortable with what I just did.
And last night when I came back home everybody was still normal, nobody said anything. I guess that's a good thing? I don't know what I was wanting when I came home but the NOTHING HAPPENED attitude was weird.
How do they do it? How do they make this such a normal thing? How is sex just a normal part of life for them with whoever they do it with?
Funny enough what is still bugging me the most about that night is that one of the guys left the room and came back with a bottle of water and handed it to me. Yes he was thinking of me but I somehow have it in my head that he wanted to give me that bottle so that I would have the energy to keep going and allowing him to have more time with me.
Like I said I only had two partners before this, I didn't even have sex until I was 17. I have been here since October 27th and didn't have sex at all but now I have been with three guys in one night. How the heck does that happen???
I need to go to work in 10 minutes, sorry for jumping around with everything I just typed down, maybe I needed to vent a bit more.
Last thing. How normal is it for girls to have group sex? 1 in 30? 1 in 40?
Thanks for this place. Glad i found it.
Stres level is down but still high. Took the plan b pill to calm my nerves a bit even though we always used condoms.
The sex was great but it was embarrassing, always wanting more but not understanding why I was doing it. Second guessing myself a million times while having sex but still doing it. I barely ever looked at any of them while doing it, maybe my way of not wanting to believe it???
What hurt the most after we were done is that they all acted like normal guys again, like I was just another thing to play with. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but maybe a hug or something would have been nice, I don't know. It was so normal for them but for me I was putting on this face acting like I was completely comfortable with what I just did.
And last night when I came back home everybody was still normal, nobody said anything. I guess that's a good thing? I don't know what I was wanting when I came home but the NOTHING HAPPENED attitude was weird.
How do they do it? How do they make this such a normal thing? How is sex just a normal part of life for them with whoever they do it with?
Funny enough what is still bugging me the most about that night is that one of the guys left the room and came back with a bottle of water and handed it to me. Yes he was thinking of me but I somehow have it in my head that he wanted to give me that bottle so that I would have the energy to keep going and allowing him to have more time with me.
Like I said I only had two partners before this, I didn't even have sex until I was 17. I have been here since October 27th and didn't have sex at all but now I have been with three guys in one night. How the heck does that happen???
I need to go to work in 10 minutes, sorry for jumping around with everything I just typed down, maybe I needed to vent a bit more.
Last thing. How normal is it for girls to have group sex? 1 in 30? 1 in 40?
Thanks for this place. Glad i found it.
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Willa
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2023 1:03 pm
- Age: 23
- Awesomeness Quotient: I think I am silly and love making ppl laugh
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: bisexual woman
- Location: washington dc
Re: Did something new and unexpected
Hi StellaOs,
Thank you for sharing all of that further. Navigating from sexual interaction one-on-one to a group setting can be a big step for many people. It also sounds like a step for you from sex in a monogamous relationship to more "casual" sexual interaction. This is not to say that in casual sex there should not be communication about feelings and aftercare, which there definitely should always be and does not sound like was present. Recognizing these feelings moving forward can help you communicate for better sexual experiences in the future.
It also sounds as though another aspect here is reckoning with this type of sexual interaction and what it means about you or the people you engaged in it with. Making sure to honor how you felt it can also be important to check in and understand that when everything is consensual and pleasurable, there is nothing morally wrong about engaging in sexual activities such as group sex. It is a natural part of life and sexuality for many people. In regards to the "normal" question, it is a very difficult question to answer as people define group sex in many different ways and will look different for different people. Does that all make sense?
Thank you for sharing all of that further. Navigating from sexual interaction one-on-one to a group setting can be a big step for many people. It also sounds like a step for you from sex in a monogamous relationship to more "casual" sexual interaction. This is not to say that in casual sex there should not be communication about feelings and aftercare, which there definitely should always be and does not sound like was present. Recognizing these feelings moving forward can help you communicate for better sexual experiences in the future.
It also sounds as though another aspect here is reckoning with this type of sexual interaction and what it means about you or the people you engaged in it with. Making sure to honor how you felt it can also be important to check in and understand that when everything is consensual and pleasurable, there is nothing morally wrong about engaging in sexual activities such as group sex. It is a natural part of life and sexuality for many people. In regards to the "normal" question, it is a very difficult question to answer as people define group sex in many different ways and will look different for different people. Does that all make sense?
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Did something new and unexpected
In addition to what Willa said, do you feel like you can talk with the guys about what happened and how you're feeling?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.