Concern with anatomy

[Jax-in-the-box]

Posting for a friend that can't, this is what they said “How do you know when Tight is Too Tight. I’m a female, 14, and am concerned something’s wrong, or maybe it’s just natural for my specific body. I cant even fit one finger in my vagina without it hurting. 2 were forced in me at one point, but I couldn’t take anything after. I’m concerned.” friends pronouns he/him

[Sam W]

Hi Jax-in-the-box,

So, while there are conditions like vaginismus where painful insertion of anything into the vaginal canal is a symptom, right now it sounds more like your friend is having a really common experience, which is that if we're not aroused or relaxed, inserting things into the vaginal canal isn't going to feel all that great, and can even be painful (though he might want to read about vaginismus just to see if he has more symptoms and might need to get checked for it: The FBI Files: Vaginismus). After all, the vagina isn't a static size and shape, it's a muscle that has the ability to tense and relax depending on what else is going on.

Too, if two fingers were forced in, it doesn't surprise me that there was pain in that instance, because that sounds like a circumstance where that wasn't wanted contact, and being tense or unaroused goes along with that (if that incident is something he wants to talk more about but can't get to us to post about it, we might still be able to provide some resources to help support him).

[Jax-in-the-box]

Is there anyway I can get the info to those resources to give to him?

[Sam W]

Absolutely. Are you able to tell me if that force was in the course of an assault? Or something else?

[Jax-in-the-box]

They said "Yes, It was an assault. I never consented to it, and the person knew it, and now I have no idea what to do"

[KierC]

Hey there Jax-in-the-box,

I’m really sorry to hear about these circumstances. But I’m glad you’re here to help your friend — supportive community is incredibly important.

In this case, does your friend have an adult in his life that he could trust with this information? If he feels like he may want to tell a trusted adult, this may be a good first step to getting direct resources for support. Also, we can certainly help figure out what that conversation could look like, if that’s a source of concern.

Too, do you know why your friend may not be able to post here? Only asking because depending on why, we may be able to help him get here so we can offer support directly. <3

[Jax-in-the-box]

1. he can't tell anyone due to the situation, I won't say more than that for his privacy. 2. He can't make an account since his mom would find it and he would get in trouble. It may be through me but it's somewhat direct since I text him every reply and he texts me what he wants me to say. (Ik the tone is off I'm not trying to be rude I'm tired, sorry)

[Sam W]

Got it, I'm glad he at least has you as someone who can help him get support and information! Would he be comfortable contacting a local rape crisis center or similar resource if we could find him one? They could offer him support with some degree on anonymity, and could also help him navigate his potential next steps based on the laws and similar in his area.

Too, do you have a sense of whether he's able to at least access web resources and read them? If he can it will make it easier to pass on some of what we'd be giving him if he were able to be on the boards.

[Sam W]

Hi Jax-in-the-box,

I just wanted to follow up and add a few things. One is that, if you're able to be physically near your friend, we'd be okay with them using your account to ask questions and get support from us, as long as we knew that's what was happening. Two, if your friend thinks his mom would find an account with us, and he's under the kind of surveillance at home where his devices are being monitored, do you two have a way of you passing on information from us to him that's secure? I ask because if you've been texting back and forth about our conversations here, there's a good chance his mom ends up seeing that conversation.