Need guidance about dildo size (first toy)

[Rose99]

Hi,

Asking this in new thread because it is not related to my previous thread as this is about toy not sex with the guy. And my that thread is still active about those things so didn’t want to add this to the mix on that thread. I hope it is ok to ask so many questions back to back. You can reply a week later, if answering questions back to back is not part of policy.

I want to buy a dildo but there is 1 problem so I want to ask for guidance about that. I’d rather order online than ask for help in-person at the in-person store.

Anyway, I want a dildo because I just want to know what it feels like to have something inside because fingers don’t seem to do much for me. And with a dildo I don’t have to worry about guy pulling my hair or choking me (colleagues experience not mine but it still worries me), nor do I have to worry about STI and pregnancy and side effects of birth control nor do I have to worry about taking in too big of a size. I can start small and even stop without worrying about someone else feeling rejected if I don’t feel comfortable with penetration and I can slowly work up in size instead of having to deal with big size right off the bat. I can take it at my own pace.

The Problem
So, I have inserted my 2 fingers several times but my fingers are really thin so my 2 fingers combined are 1 inch width. And I have seen my opening, it is really small like pinky finger size. It is just when I am physically ready I can put my index finger and I was able to work my way up to 2 fingers but over a period of 1 year. But I have never been able to add the 3rd finger in, no matter how ready I am physically and mentally. I did try once (adding the 3rd finger), but I ended up getting a burning sensation inside my vagina and near the opening so I pulled out. Although I did like having 3. I do trim my nails before doing this so it can’t be my nails causing tear that feels like burning sensation. It is just adding 3rd finger causes burning sensation despite physical and mental readiness. I think I get the burning sensation because my opening can’t stretch further than 2 fingers?

Problem is that the smallest dildo comes with 3.14” girth which is 1 inch width. However, given that my fingers are flat but a dildo is round that means it will stretch my opening to 3.14”. The problem is that adding 3rd fingers causes burning sensation, and my 3 fingers combined is 1.5” width. So although dildo’s width is 1” but since the girth is what’s going inside, the dildo seems bigger than my 3 fingers.

Questions
1. Am I right that even though the width of dildo is same as my 2 fingers, but since it is round and the girth is 3.14” it might stretch my opening by 3.14” as in it is bigger than my 2 fingers?

2. If I am right about my assumption in 1st question, then should I actually start with dilator set? If so what size? Like girth being same as my 2 fingers width (1 inch)?

3. The only thing is dilators that I have browsed are made of hard materials (1 online store gave hardness rating) and I am not comfortable with putting something that hard inside. Dildos are mainly softer and made of medical grade silicone and hence flexible (I don’t like glass dildo because those ones are hard). So, I feel like a dildo may not hurt me when inside because due to its flexibility it can take whatever shape my vagina is. But dildos don’t come in smaller size than 3.14” girth which might cause same burning sensation inside vagina and around opening as adding the 3rd finger (yes I browsed multiple online stores and in beginner dildo section no matter the website, 3.14” was the smallest size. And smaller size than 3.14” was only available in dilators). Only problem with dilators is that they are hard so I am afraid they might hurt my inside and end up poking. Do they hurt due to hardness and end up poking the walls due to hardness?

4. The small dilator also has small length although it does have a base but I am afraid the base is not big enough to prevent losing the dilator in there. For dildos the base is bigger and there is something else too if you know what I mean to prevent it from getting lost. Will the small base of smallest dilator with nothing else there still prevent a dilator from getting lost inside?

Thanks!

[Sam W]

Hi Rose!

We're happy to answer multiple threads from the same user, especially if they're on two unrelated topics!

So, when you've tried inserting fingers, how much lube were you using? I ask because, if there's not a lot of lubrication present, inserting anything into the vaginal canal unlikely to be comfortable and can get pretty painful. Too, when you try inserting your fingers, how aroused would you say you are? That's another big factor in how comfortable it is to insert things.

I would start with looking at those two factors before getting dilators. Too, because dilators are often used for pelvic health issues, if you think the pain and discomfort you're experiencing is severe enough to merit them, you'll want to check in with a healthcare provider to see if there's an underlying condition that needs addressing. You can read more about that here: Debunking Dilators: The What, Why, and Which of Dilation (Part One)

Dilators, like tampons or anything else, can't get lost inside the vaginal canal, because the cervix is on the other end of it, forming a dead end for everything but sperm. Now, sometimes something that's been inserted goes all the way in without something hanging out to grab; that can be frustrating, and may mean you need to put your fingers in further than you're used to in order to get it back, but it can't go far.

[Rose99]

Yeah when I mentioned being physically and mentally ready I meant mentally aroused and lots of natural lubrication I just didn’t want to be unnecessarily explicit. And no I didn’t use artificial lube.

And good to know dilator won’t get lost in there.

Can you also please answer my questions about the dildo size that I asked, provided that you don’t think I need to get dilator?

Problem is that the smallest dildo comes with 3.14” girth which is 1 inch width. However, given that my fingers are flat but a dildo is round that means it will stretch my opening to 3.14”. The problem is that adding 3rd fingers causes burning sensation, and my 3 fingers combined is 1.5” width. So although dildo’s width is 1” but since the girth is what’s going inside, the dildo seems bigger than my 3 fingers.

Questions
1. Am I right that even though the width of dildo is same as my 2 fingers, but since it is round and the girth is 3.14” it might stretch my opening by 3.14” as in it is bigger than my 2 fingers?

2. If I am right about my assumption in 1st question, then should I actually start with dilator set? If so what size? Like girth being same as my 2 fingers width (1 inch)?

And also the question about burning sensation when adding 3rd finger?

I did try once (adding the 3rd finger), but I ended up getting a burning sensation inside my vagina and near the opening so I pulled out. Although I did like having 3. I do trim my nails before doing this so it can’t be my nails causing tear that feels like burning sensation. It is just adding 3rd finger causes burning sensation despite physical and mental readiness. I think I get the burning sensation because my opening can’t stretch further than 2 fingers?

Thanks

[Sam W]

So, with the burning sensation, it's not necessarily a sign that the vaginal opening can't stretch further than two fingers, since the vaginal canal can actually stretch/expand quite a bit to accommodate things that are inserted. I do think it's worth trying some additional, store bought lube to see if that helps with the sensation; even if we're someone who produces quite a bit of lube when aroused, sometimes we still need more in order for things to be comfortable. But if you're noticing that that doesn't help either, or if inserting things like tampons has been tricky in the past, then it may be worth checking in with a gynecologist for an exam, just to rule out underlying physical causes.

With the dildo size, it does sound like the diameter of that small one might be uncomfortable for you given your experiences so far. I don't know how much browsing you've done, but it may be worth looking at insertable vibrators as well; they can sometimes be narrower, since the assumption is the person is getting their main stimulation from vibrations rather than size.

[Rose99]

Ok then I will try store bought lube. Is there anything like one lube being better than the other? Or in terms of effectiveness they are all the same, and the only time it matters is when using it with toys. Like avoiding silicone based lube with silicone toys. But if not using on the toy then water based lube is just as effective as the silicone based lube?

I don’t use tampons, so maybe that’s why my vagina isn’t used to insertion. I had always been afraid of losing it in there or it coming out without notice so steered clear of it. But you mentioned it is impossible to lose things in there.


Oh cool. Mostly the vibrators I have browsed it says “for external use only”. Upon your mention of insertable vibrators, I found one but it is too small to do anything. It’s a lipstick one. Do you know any insertable ones that aren’t too small but also aren’t as big as a beginner dildo?

Thanks!

[Latha]

Hi there, Rose99!

In terms of of effectiveness, silicone and water-based lubes are pretty much the same, but they have different strengths: Silicone lubes tend to last a bit longer, while water based lubes are easier to clean up and tend to be less expensive. You can read more about this here: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer

On the subject of vibrators: I'm not sure if we can provide specific toy recommendations. Let us know if you have other questions though!