Ask Volunteer Kier Anything!

[Sam W]

Hi Everyone! Happy Pride!

I'm Sam, one of the co-directors here at Scarleteen. And I'm so excited to moderating this AMA with the super-rad Kier, one of our volunteers! Kier is a genderfluid, AFAB, queer person living in Chicago! Their pronouns are she/they and they identify as neurodivergent. They are also happy to talk about navigating the medical system as a queer person, having been through hell and back with doctors after a few medical traumas in college, and Kier is very passionate about patient advocacy for lgbtq+ folks and making the doctors office a less scary place.

Let's get this thing rolling! Kier, can you talk a little about your work at Scarleteen, and if there's anything you're extra interested in being asked about?

[Sam W]

Kier, I also have a question for you that popped up when I was putting in your bio! Can you talk a little more about what patient advocacy for queer and trans folks looks like?

[Sam W]

Goodtrouble, "I have questions! Kier! I would love to hear what your favorite tips are for young people navigating sexual healthcare, particularly, in terms of how to feel more comfortable, safe and able to be honest with their providers! "

[Sam W]

Kier, "Hi there, absolutely. I’m a volunteer here at Scarleteen, and I spend most of my time on direct service, working on the message boards, in text, and on live chat! I spend my time helping users with various sexual health questions and concernss, and I love searching our website for the best resources for them. I work alongside the rest of the awesome volunteer team too on these platforms! As you mentioned, I am super passionate about patient advocacy, so anything related to going to the doctor as a queer person, advocating for yourself both in the doctor’s office and out, healing from medical trauma, and trauma-informed care! I‘m also really passionate about sexual literacy with regards to pleasure. "

[Sam W]

Kier, to Sam, "Absolutely! I think of patient advocacy as twofold: having the right tools *with* you to tell the doctor/nurse/provider what you need (and truthfully deserve), and potentially having someone else in the room with you who you’ve communicated with and trust to assert your boundaries in the event you cannot.

A lot of times, I‘ve called ahead in advance of an appointment to have certain care practices put in my record before I even walk in, such as my pronouns, what words I like to be addressed with (for example, I do not like being called sir or dude), what level of trauma-informed care I need (do we need lights low, do we need minimal touching, do we need a patient-directed exam?), what level of pain management I need, and who my *patient advocate* will be.

I‘ve been through so many situations, especially while concussed, where I feel extra groggy and uncomfortable at the doctor’s and don’t want to talk much, or I feel combative, I’ll bring in my partner who I’ve spoken with about my care plan, my pain management desires, and my symptoms and needs for care. That helps me feel like I have someone on my side to assert my boundaries, if all things go haywire.

Though, I think a huge part of patient advocacy, especially for queer and trans folks, is having a network of people who can help you get through red tape. Community care is really great with patient advocacy because of this, the passion with which we can navigate systems that try to make care hard to reach. "

[Sam W]

Kier, to GoodTrouble, "Yes, I love this question! I think a great place to start with this is by understanding that doctors are not there to get you in any trouble, and it truly is a confidential space. Looking up the confidentiality policy at your doctor’s office can help a lot of anxiety too.

Something that has helped me *so much* with feeling uncomfortable at the doctors, especially with sexual health topics, is preparing for my appointment alone beforehand. I usually type into my notes app what problem I’m having, if I’m feeling pain, what questions I have, and what answers I’m seeking. Then, if I’m still feeling nervous, I will say “Okay, this is hard for me to talk about but I brought my notes app. Can I ask you a few questions I had?”. Literally naming the uncomfortability can help so much to opening up space to talk with a provider!

I’ll also say that, if there is any way you can take an active process in choosing your provider, do so! I know this is hard to do and not always possible when you’re young and live with parents or guardians, but at least having the say of “I want my doctor to be x-presenting,” or “i want my doctor to have this specialization” can go a long way. "

[Sam W]

Sam, "Are there things you can think of that are ways queer and trans people can help each other navigate that red tape or otherwise be the advocate the people in their lives and communities? "

Kier, in reply, "Oh, absolutely yes! Helping each other navigate red tape can look like making calls on someone’s behalf, researching out for low-cost clinics, name-change mobilization days, free legal clinic days, even starting fundraisers for friends who are struggling.

I am part of a lot of mutual aid groups, and we work a lot with folks struggling to access queer-affirming sexual health care. There are groups online in most cities called “[city] queer mutual aid,” and that can be a great place to get more heads in on finding a solution! For example, I’ve seen folks post on social media reaching out to mutual aid groups in their city for HRT providers who will work without insurance, and people give their honest opinion about who in the area might be a good fit. The power of many queer minds together!

Ah, another wonderful resource: law schools have free legal clinics, and some have been really amenable to starting name change mobilization days, and legal help days for queer And trans folks! "

[Sam W]

Sam, "are there any tools for finding providers or for finding healthcare advocates/advocacy groups that you really like or use often? "

Kier, "Yes! For therapists and psychiatrists, I like using the advanced search filters on PsychologyToday — there is actually another database too specifically for therapists working in an antiracist framework, I can search for that one too! I also like the LGBTQ+ Health Directory, I use it a lot because they have a set filter for “Patient Approach” that I use to make sure I get trauma-informed care and harm-reduction ."

[Sam W]

Sam, "When we met in person, you were telling those of us there about your, shall we say, creatively decorated bathroom. You don't have to give all the details, though you're welcome to. I'm more curious if you could talk about how you came to have a more playful/more comfortable relationship with things related to sex and sexuality. As we both know from working direct service, that's something that a LOT of young people struggle to build. "

Kier, "OMG absolutely! So my bathroom (and my apartment) are decorated with a lot of art around sex, and a lot of it is really silly, playful, and tongue-in-cheek humor about sex. It started with me taking a door and turning it into a glory hole, like the ones I saw at the Museum of Sex in New York. I painted it to look like a Pride Rainbow dildo was coming out of it, LOL. I doodled a bunch of really silly jokes and metaphors on the door itself, just like a real one, and had my friends come sign it and doodle on it when they use my bathroom! I think it sparked a really fun time in my life in terms of sex-positivity because I think a lot of times we talk about sex very seriously, and in reality we really do get the giggles about sex sometimes. Ignoring the giggles does not make them go away, so I decided to lean into it! It also gives me so much insight on how I *really* feel about sex, because I gave myself a safe space to be uncensored about my views on sex.

I absolutely highly recommend making art about sexuality. It doesn’t have to be literally “let’s draw a penis!”, but more broad ideas about consent, pleasure, reciprocity, identity, etc. can all be expressed through art! I also found it really healing to make funny comics explaining different conundrums in my sex life — it helps me gain more perspective! "

[Sam W]

Sam, "Okay, I'm curious about two things: do you have a favorite piece of that art? And can you share one of the conundrums that became a comic? "

Kier, "

Yes! My favorite piece on the glory hole is something my mom wrote on it actually — very simple and silly, she said “your mom was here” and when I saw it, I screamed laughing for such a long time.

One conundrum I made into a comic was this feeling I had in college that whenever I let my guard down, my sexual vulnerability got taken advantage of by mostly cis straight guys (this was also in the process of me realizing I am queer, and I like my queer partners too). I turned it into a comic where someone built a brick wall for protection around themselves, knocked one brick out so they can see the world, and some guy comes around and well, thinks it’s a glory hole. The comic ends with a big “WTF? I’m trying to see here!“ Again with the glory hole reference, but it helped me so much to realize that my boundaries are *mine* and if someone misreads my vulnerability as promiscuity, they’re not the partner for me."

[Sam W]

Sam, "I really like that as a metaphor for that. And also I applaud your mom for perhaps the best executed joke of all time.

With vulnerability, that's something we see users struggle with a lot too. That tension between wanting and needing to be that way with the very real possibility that someone might take advantage of that or mistake it for something it's not. What would you say to young people who are afraid that vulnerability is only going to lead to the bad stuff?"

Kier, "I would say that sometimes people are going to disregard your boundaries and “block your view” as it were, but there’s also going to be a lot of people who will see the brick wall you’ve built and instead of violating it, will ask you why it’s there, how you like it to be respected, and protect you from people trying to violate your boundaries. Too, I know it can feel helpless in some moments like you’re boxed in, but you are in charge of that box, the boundaries that bind it together, and what happens to that box. You can break it down too, If that makes any sense

Too, I would say that you can always arm yourself with the knowledge that people are *not allowed* to violate your boundaries, and that you are well within your right to protect your boundaries too! I think if I were to continue the comic, I’d make a way for them to get that guy out of their space, and have a friend come along to help them feel less boxed in. "

[Sam W]

Sam, "If you could design your ideal version of sex education--the resources available, where and how it's delivered, what's included, all that jazz--what would it look like? "

Kier, "

I love this question so much! I think first, I would make the resources available more accessible for people with different reading levels, different tech access, and different physical abilities. I think that would look like different view options for text, and different ways of distrubution including print AND web, like QR codes and such. I would also go to the internet overlords and make them allow comprehensive, inclusive, and accurate resources to show at the top of search engines, hehe.

I also have a lot of feelings about what activities to do in sex education classes — I’d love to see teachers give students more of an active role in the knowledge they’re learning. Student-led presentations, student-made art, student-made zines, DISCUSSIONS, etc. There’s so much lecturing in “formal“ sex ed classes, and I would love for it to take a more activity-based format.

In terms of what’s included, oh boy! Consent, consent, consent. Sex readiness is a big one too, I really wish it were more normalized to talk about when sex is something we’re ready for or not. Also I would love for sex ed to focus on language — particularly what the words we say indicate about how we view sex and sexuality. For example, I REALLY wish the words virginity, hymen, and penetration would leave the sex ed classroom.

Lastly, I think I don’t even like the idea of a sex ed “classroom” as the only ”formal” place we learn about sex. I think educational conversations about sex and sexuality should happen way more often, and maybe a part of sex ed should be teaching more people to talk about sex with peers!

[Sam W]

Sam, "Since we're still in pride month, are there any pieces of media--movies, music, etc--that you find yourself always returning to as a means of celebrating pride? "

Kier, "

Ooh, I love reading Pleasure Activism during pride month, and my beloved collection of Audre Lorde poems — both very empowering and reminds me of the work others have done to create the space I’m in now. There’s also a YouTube video of Audre Lorde reading “The Uses of the Erotic,” and that’s basically my anthem.

My music right now (and always) is very sapphic-focused, and I’ve been hopping it more and more recently, especially Chappell Roan

Lastly, I’ve also been playing my favorite queer video games on twine, and watching Trixie and Katya react to Netflix shows on YouTube! It’s so refreshing to see reactions to shows made by queer people who I identify and resonate with, it’s so relatable and they’re both so hilarious in those videos!
"