Can’t get aroused and I can’t feel any pleasure down there

[kitkatk8]

I have a sex drive, and think about sex a lot. But I don’t get aroused or feel a certain way about it. And I’ve never been able to feel any type of sexual pleasure. I’ve tried many different ways to get stimulated and nothing works. My doctor tells me to get off of birth control because that is the reason for my issues but I don’t know what to do!! Why can’t I get aroused and why do I have no pleasurable sensations down there?

[Jacob]

Hi Kitkatk!

I wish your doctor had offered to help you choose a different form of medication instead of simply recommending you quit altogether! That seems ill-advised to me!

In terms of connecting with your own body and pleasure. I would start from the things that you are experiencing... For example when you say "sex drive" what does that mean for you? Might that feeling be a good starting point?

I'd also say it's worth continuing to learn about your body, both by reading and by reflecting on how physical touch feels for you, even if not immediately arousing, especially when mixed with fantasies, not so that an instant source of physical pleasure appears out of nowhere, which would be great but more so you have more tools in your toolbox when an opportunity does arise.

Here's a great place to start:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Here's our mega-resource on birth control options: Birth Control Bingo

[kitkatk8]

Hi again, what I mean by sex drive is that like I constantly think about sex and imagine things , but I don’t get aroused by those thoughts, even when I try touching myself, I feel no pleasurable feelings at all. I really hope there is a fix for this as I don’t feel normal. I’m not rushing to have sex but the fact that I can even make myself feel good dawns on me. Thanks

[KierC]

Hi there kitkatk8,

I’m sorry to hear you’re having trouble feeling sexual arousal and pleasure. I agree with Jacob that it sounds unwise to suggest you get off of birth control entirely. As you can see in the article they sent called Birth Control Bingo, there are some birth control options with more sexual side effects than others, and you absolutely have options if you do feel like your birth control impacts it. That being said though, you don’t have to switch your birth control option if it’s working for you and feels like a good fit for you.

I also have a couple of questions that will hopefully guide us to some options for you to try. When you touch yourself with the intention of exploring or feeling pleasure, do any certain areas or types of touches feel better than others, or does it all feel the same? I ask because, when exploring and experimenting with things like masturbation, it sometimes helps to try to notice any start of the good feelings in your body, and follow the good feelings as you explore your body.

Also, when you say you don’t feel arousal or pleasure, do you mean that it feels like you’re touching any other part of your body (like your elbow), or is it a numb or painful feeling?

[kitkatk8]

Hi! All areas feel the same, it feels like I’m touching my arm or my leg.

[Latha]

Hi Kitkatk8!

Your response isn't all that surprising to me. Arousal has the effect of making your genitals (and the rest of your body) feel much more sensitive. So if you are not in the mood, touching yourself may not feel that interesting. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you are not 'normal'. Many people have periods in their life where they have issues with arousal. This is actually common when people first start exploring sex, just because it can take some time to figure out what you like.

I agree with Jacob that it might be a good idea for you to continue to explore different sensations and fantasies. Don't put pressure on yourself by expecting certain reactions, just try to gather information about how you respond. Building a better connection with your body is always useful, even if this doesn't result in you finding an immediate source of arousal.

On that note, if you're struggling to feel sexual pleasure, you could start by focusing on feeling general physical pleasure. Here is an article that discusses this idea: I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment. Would you read it and tell us what you think?