Should I be worried?

[Crow]

(First off I wanna apologize for submitting my question to the wrong place initially, I haven't been on here in a while and got a lil mixed up.)

Recently, I've started having some thoughts I'm a little bit worried about. I've started imagining scenarios that focus on child characters exploring sexuality. Usually, this is in the form of a child character asking an adult character questions about sex, but I have also thought about two child characters discussing, or even exploring sexual thoughts, feelings, and actions together.

I gain no sexual pleasure from these scenarios. I usually find them to be comforting, as I generally find stories about characters learning something new and being treated gently as they are taught something to be very nice and even cathartic at times. Still, I often feel guilty for these thoughts, considering they center around children and sex.

Should I be worried about these thoughts? Would it be best for me to stop exploring these scenarios?

[KierC]

Hi there Crow, and welcome back to the boards

So, I first want to say there’s nothing you’ve said here that sounds bad or wrong — it sounds like these are just comforting fantasies for you to explore. Fantasies, which don’t have to be sexually arousing, are a part of being human, and it’s healthy to engage with them as fantasies. You’re thinking about young people, uncoerced, learning and discussing sexuality, and I think that’s a very natural and hopeful fantasy of a better experience for youth. I know that sometimes people will view *any* topic of sexuality and children as taboo, but that’s incorrect considering how natural and necessary sexual exploration and learning is for young people.

All that to say, you don’t have to be worried at all, but I’m curious why you feel worried about these thoughts. Could you say a little bit about what emotions arise while you’re thinking about this?

[Crow]

I think a lot of my worry stems from what you said, that often anything involving childeren and sexuality will be seen as taboo. I think a lot of it is coming from a general feeling of "this is wrong" even while knowing that there's nothing inherently wrong with the idea of children exploring sexuality.

I think most of my deeper worry comes from concern that this will develop into something sexually gratifying, that it already is and I (somehow) don't realize or am in denial, or just that I am going "too far" in what I imagine even if it doesn't bring me any sexual pleasure. I think especially because it's become a topic I think about a lot, and will sometimes dedicate a few hours to simply imagining scenarios, I'm also worried about the fact that it's become a fixation. The degree to which I have become invested in these scenarios makes me sometimes worry if I am actually receiving some kind of pleasure from it and am in denial about it.

Generally during these scenarios, I again tend to feel very comforted by them, and the feelings of guilt usually only arise afterwards. I also have a tendency to get a feeling in my chest and stomach in response to intense comfort that is sometimes very similar to arousal, but I usually am able to distinguish the two. Occasionally, while imagining these scenarios, I feel like I can't tell with complete certainty which feeling it is, which can be worrying.

Lastly, though I don't know if it's important or not, I feel the need to add: usually in these scenarios I imagine myself in the "position" of the child character (though, they are not intended to be me). Though obviously since everything occurs in my own head, I have full control over all characters involved, I tend to focus most on what the child is thinking and feeling, and have a tendency to imagine myself in their position in the discussion. I suppose I feel a bit strange about this, given that I'm an adult who knows a decent amount about sex and certaiy wouldn't need any of it explained to me in the way I imagine in these scenarios. Still, again, I find it soothing to think about myself in that position.

[Sofi]

It sounds like this is healing an inner child for you, perhaps one that didn't get to talk openly about these topics until adulthood, and a part of you wishes you could've been able to discuss and explore that more openly. I will say, it's a touchy subject and there's a thin line that I can tell you're aware of, so if this is causing you distress perhaps my question would be - what if you tried to think about something else instead, would it be something that you can just not think about? That can help you gauge if it's as consuming as you're worried it is/is becoming. Does that make sense?

[Crow]

If I'm understanding the question correctly: I can just think about something else. I don't feel like it's an uncontrollable urge, so much as something I just enjoy. It's also not the only type of scenario that I will sit and imagine, as I've always been a bit of a chronic daydreamer, so I could easily imagine something else in its place (and often do, I'm definitely not so consumed with it that's its all I'm thinking about).

I do also think the inner child angle would make sense. I wasn't taught about sex as a child so much as I was exposed to it, without guidance and in explicit detail. I do think a part of me wishes I could've been taught about it gently rather than being exposed to it without much explanation.

[Sam W]

Hi Crow,

I'm glad Sofi's explanation made sense to you! I think the fact that this is just one fantasy in a rotation of them is another indicator that this isn't something that's cause for a concern. It sounds much more like a scenario you enjoy visiting from time to time, rather than an obsession that's making it hard for you to focus on anything else.