I have never orgasmed or cum and it's causing tension in my relationship

[BabyKay]

I female 25, I've been sexually active for the past 6 years however I have never had an orgasm or even cum.
In my previous relationships or with the father of my child it has never been an issue since they all focused on themselves cumming during sex.

However in my recent relationship my mans main goal sexually is to make sure I reach the peak he wants me to cum he wants me to orgasm and I can tell the disappointment on his face when I dont.

What can I do to help me and what can I do to reassure him that he is giving me the best sex I've ever received because he really is there are times I even have to push him away that's how good it is at times.

Ever since having my daughter 2 still breastfeeding I have also lost nipple sensation I can't feel anything but biting on my boobs.

I've also noticed that ever since having my child I can be in the mood mentally to have sex however my clit will not swell up like it did before.

Any help or advice will be appreciated.

[Latha]

Hi BabyKay, welcome to the boards!

It sounds like your partner really cares about making sure you feel pleasure during sex, but he has this idea that being a good partner means he has to make you orgasm. I can see how that would cause some tension! I know orgasms can seem very important, but they don't actually have to be the goal during sex. In fact, having strictly defined goals can sometimes make it harder to reach orgasm. It is better to focus on what feels pleasurable in the moment.

Talking to him about how much you enjoy sex with him is a good idea, but if he isn't responding to that, it might help to provide him with other resources that support your point. That way, he will be able to understand that you are not just sparing his feelings when you reassure him. Here are some articles:

• If Sex Has to Have a Goal, It Should Be Pleasure — Not Orgasm. Here’s Why | Healthline

• Want to Have Better Sex? Stop Worrying About Orgasms | Allure

If you want to learn how to orgasm, it can really help to start by masturbating on your own, and to experiment with different fantasies and sensations. Being on your own may give you more time to explore what feels good without an audience, and it might make it easier to show your partner what works for you. What do you think of this?

There is a good chance that the changes with your nipples and clit may go away on their own in some time. Are you still able to feel sensation in your clitoris?

[Sam W]

Hi BabyKay,

In addition to all of Latha's advice, I want to ask: do you have a sense of why this is so important to him? Is it that mutual pleasure and reciprocity in sex are important to him? That he only feels like he "succeeds" at sex if you orgasm? Something else?