Regression After Orgasm

[Crow]

For a little while now, I've found myself (not always, but frequently) experiencing age regression after I orgasm. The feeling itself is non-sexual, but I feel a little bit strange that orgasms are triggering such a childlike state in me. I'm not sure how to feel about sexual acts leading to myself feeling like I'm a child.

So I'm wondering: why might this feeling be triggered by orgasms?

[KierC]

Hey Crow,

I hear you that you’re feeling a little weird about orgasms and pleasure triggering age regression. As you know, age regression is not a sexual thing, but it can certainly be triggered by sexual situations. Too, there’s nothing wrong with age regression unless it bothers you, as it is often a self-soothing or self-protective measure.

Age regression can be voluntary or involuntary, and it can happen for a lot of reasons, including stress and trauma, a desire for control, a desire for comfort or security, or as self-soothing. Do any of those reasons resonate with you? Too, when you’re experiencing age regression, how does that make you feel?

Finding the root cause of age regression may involve thinking more about how you felt when you were at the developmental stage you’re regressing to, and whether your experience of age regression is a soothing experience, or a negative experience. For example, are you regressing to an age where you felt particularly safe and comforted? Or is it more regressing to a previous traumatic state?

[Crow]

I definitely feel a desire for comfort when it happens. I consistently feel lonely once it happens (since I don't really engage in partnered sex, and usually don't want to), but I also struggle to convince myself to seek someone out to soothe that feeling.

Whether it's a positive or negative feeling seems to alternate. Though that feeling of loneliness is consistent, aside from it I sometimes find regression to be very soothing, and in this situation I have a tendency to just grab a stuffed animal and fall asleep.

It is also a negative feeling frequently though, usually if that feeling of loneliness starts to feel unmanageable. I usually feel like that loneliness spirals into something unrecognizable, until I no longer really understand what I'm upset about, only that it must be some big problem that I'm struggling to manage on my own. Once I feel upset, I find it particularly difficult to consider seeking someone out for comfort, or to just have company. I tend to just keep myself in my room and either wait to feel better, or go to sleep.

Even when upset, I struggle to think of it as a response to any sort of trauma. I can't think of anything that may have happened at that point in my life that would be making me feel that way. Either way, it is an extremely strong feeling when it is negative, and I find it very difficult to manage and calm myself down from it.

At the same time, I don't feel like it was a notably comforting time in my life either. I struggle to think of any period of my childhood that was comforting as a whole, so much as there were individual, small moments of comfort. I didn't find my childhood uncomfortable at any points, and I don't think of it in that way when thinking back on it, my feelings on it are just generally neutral.

[Sam W]

Hi Crow,

Thank you for those additional details, they're all really helpful!

There are actually two paths I think are helpful to take in this conversation. The first has to do with the connection between regression and orgasm. When you say you end up feeling like a child, what does that entail? Is it about feeling vulnerable? Like you want someone else to be the adult in the situation (I'm using "adult" here to mean "a person who makes decisions and is in the role of care taker")? Be taken care of? Something else? Too, do experience age regression in other circumstances, or has it only ever happened with orgasm?

The other line of questions I have involves that loneliness that you mention. Do you feel lonely a lot of the time, regardless of what you're doing? Or does it only seem to arise, or be really intense, post-orgasm?

[Crow]

I would say it's just generally about feeling vulnerable and wanting to be taken care of and feel comforted. I've experienced it some under other circumstances, sometimes as I'm going to bed if I'm particularly exhausted, but sometimes seemingly at random. I just have found that I experience it much more consistently after orgasm than I do any other time.

I mostly find myself feeling very lonely when I feel highly emotional or vulnerable, and then regression can create a bit of a loop that slowly makes that feeling worse. I regress because I'm lonely and emotional, I feel more lonely and emotional because I'm regressed, until it slowly becomes overwhelming and difficult to manage. So while I absolutely feel a similar loneliness at time, especially if I'm already upset, I find that the feeling is at its strongest when I regress, especially post orgasm.

[Sam W]

Do you have people you can reach out to in moments when you're lonely? Or is part of what contributes to that loneliness the feeling that there isn't anyone you could reach out to?

I will say that feeling down, vulnerable, or otherwise in need of comfort after sex or masturbation is a more common experience than people might think. For one thing, sexual response and orgasm involve some rising and falling of hormones, which can in turn lead to changes in mood, including ones we didn't expect or that seem out of sync with the experience overall. Too, if you wish you had a partner, are missing a partner, or otherwise have something going on in your life that masturbation/orgasm brings to the forefront, that could also set off those feelings which, for you, may then manifest as regression.

Do you feel like you have ways of managing those feelings and taking care of yourself?

[Crow]

I do have people I could reach out to, but as I mentioned before, I struggle to get myself to actually reach out. I have friends with experience with regression, so it's not out of any sort of fear of judgment. I just can't seem to get myself to seek out their comfort, which I don't generally struggle with nearly as much.

I don't really feel like any sort of desire for a partner's presence is at play here. I definitely don't want a partner during sex, and I really just want any sort of comfort once I've regressed, regardless of who it comes from, so long as I'm comfortable with that person already.

If I'm finding the feeling too overwhelming then I can't really manage it or take care of myself. If it's a more positive experience, I still don't really find myself able to take care of myself well, which is why I usually just end up sleeping.

[Andy]

Hi Crow!

I hope it’s okay that I’m stepping into the conversation.

I’m glad you have friends who would be understanding regarding this. I’m wondering whether when it’s hard to reach out when you are not feeling well, it would help to schedule talking with a friend beforehand. This might be deciding on either a given day and time regularly every week or asking if they have time to talk later that day before you masturbate. You don’t have to tell them is has something to do with orgasms or masturbation, just that there are times when you need comfort from someone close and how they can best support you at these times.

And for the times when reaching to someone isn’t possible or you simply don’t want to do that, are they any things/activities that generally bring you comfort or distract you from the loneliness? This might be anything: listening to music, crying, taking a bath, putting on comfy clothes, imagining comforting scenarios etc. If you ask me, even curling up with a stuffed animal or going to sleep are good ways of taking care of yourself! It might be hard to bring yourself to do these things once you are feeling crummy but trying out what helps and what it easy to do at times when you are feeling better can make it easier. Does this sound like something you can try?

Edited to add: We also have a great article about aftercare: Taking Time to Care: Empowered by Aftercare
It’s focused mostly on partnered sex but includes ideas that can be easily adaptable for aftercare after masturbation!

[Crow]

I think trying to schedule something like that would probably cause a significant amount of anxiety for me. I don't think it would be very beneficial. Generally, I'm not even entirely sure if I really do want to interact with anyone once I do regress, despite feeling lonely. I guess I desire the idea of comfort or being taken care of, but not actually having to involve another person?

I can sometimes soothe myself somewhat by imagining soothing scenarios, though this doesn't always help. I usually don't find that much else helps me very much.

Overall, though it does feel bad sometimes, I'm not even sure that I necessarily feel a need to make it better. I do feel like I'm probably just processing emotions and would rather let myself just feel them until it passes. I mostly just want to understand why orgasms in particular seem to so consistently be the trigger for it.

[Latha]

Hi Crow!

Fair enough, you don't have to involve anyone else if it doesn't feel right. Since there isn't much that helps you in the moment, do you think it would help to plan in advance to give yourself what you need? You could make your room or bed very comfortable, and make sure you have things like water or a snack.

To me, it isn't particularly surprising that orgasms can trigger regression. Let's think about the sexual response cycle for a moment: Before orgasm, you might feel very focused or notice an increase in tension in your body. The arousal and plateau phrases also involve chemical changes, like the release of endorphins and adrenaline. All of this drops off after an orgasm, and your body will try to return to a more neutral state. As Sam suggested, many people experience a kind of low mood or increased vulnerability at this point- it is just manifesting as regression for you.