Confusion about PIV...

[KierC]

Hi MistahCFS,

I’m glad what Sam said was helpful!

While I cannot predict the chances of finding a partner who enjoys a specific kind of sexual activity, what I can tell you is there are plenty of folks who do enjoy sex with insertion. Communicating interest and desires with a partner, and asking questions in return, is a way you can know for sure if someone enjoys sex with insertion. How does that sound?

I’m glad to hear, too, that you’ve been going to a therapist for some time. Have you spoken with your therapist about some of these anxieties around partnered sex? If not, is this something you feel comfortable bringing to your therapist?

[MistahCFS]

Hey Scarleteen!

This is acually very good news to me! And don't worry, communication will never be nonexistent, and if a partner doesn't want to, I think I can act accordingly.

I currently have a new threrapist, and I haven't talked to her about it. My previous therapist was actually a child therapist. The reason why I went under therapy, is because I suffer from OCD. No need to worry, because the current state isn't as severe as it was back then. With my current therapist, we are trying to figure out if I have some sort of mental health condition (i.e. asd or a personality disorder. I'll try to talk to her about next time!

I know this isn't really relevant to the topic, but the way KierC wrote insertion made me chuckle a bit. It's just I never use the term.

Thanks a bunch,
MistahCFS

[KierC]

Hi MistahCFS,

I’m glad that was helpful! Also, I’m glad to hear about your new therapist and that your OCD symptoms are feeling manageable right now. If you end up having time, I think it would be wise to discuss this with your new therapist, not only because it’s generally a good idea to tell your therapist what you spend a lot of time thinking about, but also because some of these anxieties around finding pleasurable partnered sex could be exacerbated due to OCD symptoms, and your therapist will be able to offer support around some of the deeper anxieties here. How does that sound to you?

Also, it’s okay to chuckle! I know people typically say things like “penetration” so it might sound a bit funny or new. We like to use the words “entry” or insertion more than “penetration” because words like “entry” and insertion imply active participation from both partners. The word “penetration” implies that the receptive partner is passive, and we don’t want anybody to feel passive during sexual activity. So, instead we try to use more empowering words to describe this particular activity.

[MistahCFS]

Heya Scarleteen!

Thanks once again for explaining this puzzling problem to me in detail, and to all the others, since this conversation has had quite a lot of visitors!

There is still one thing I don't get though. You lovely kinfolk, and other netizens have said that plenty of ladies love piv, insertion, whatever you want to call it. But they also have said that because of biological reasons, that sexual act is not that pleasurable for many. In fact, you guys have often been "guilty" of doing this.

So, the thing I want to ask is, which one of this paradox is more true? Is it something that is positively pleasurable, because women still feel it in the upper 2/3 of the vaginal canal (as you have said) or is it non-pleasurable because of the lack of nerve endings?

Thanks again!

[Heather]

It’s actually just not this simple (nor is it a paradox), because what sexual activities people do or do not enjoy will always be about way more than where they have the most sensory nerve endings.

This anatomy also isn’t as simple as you're thinking about it, so what nerve endings are inside the vaginal canal isn’t all that is in play here — for instance, if someone’s clitoris has been engaged and the erectile tissue in it is active, then the internal portions of the clitoris will change how things feel inside the vagina, and if it hasn’t, that will feel a different way, too. Plus, the "how" of activities that involve the vagina tend to really matter, just like, say, that "how" matters when someone is rubbing our backs, talking to us when we're upset or kissing us. We can all be kissed, for instance, in ways that feel amazing and also in ways that feel anything from uninspired to just plain bad, even painful.

With this activity, as with any other way we can be sexual with someone or on our own, it will also be about what other kind of stimulation is happening, what one's relationship is like to one's own bodies, what it is like with a particular partner and with their body and their sexuality and their history and their feelings, what they find psychologically exciting (or don’t), how they are actually going about the activity, what their expectations are a=or their history is with it, what mood they are in at the time…and so on.

Also, there is never going to be one answer to what a group made of billions of people enjoy, whether that is about food, about sports, or about sex.