Risk?

[Mediapd]

I ejaculated and like wiped it all off my hands with a paper towel, after about like 15 ish minutes i started performing manual sex on my girlfriend, if there was nothing on my hands there’s no risk of pregnancy right, thank u all

[aarija]

Hi Mediapd,
What you're describing poses very little risk of pregnancy. Sperm are very fragile, and need optimal conditions to survive. Wiping semen with a paper towel will both break down the cells and dry the area, making it nearly impossible for any sperm to remain. Just to be safe in the future, I recommend washing your hands with soap and warm water, which will be even more effective in clearing the area.

Here is an article with more information about sperm cells:

Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?

[Mediapd]

Thank you, wasn’t very sure, y’all’s site is amazing I’m way more educated now and intercourse isn’t a scary thing for me anymore, thank you all

[Mediapd]

I guess one question I do have is that if my fingers never actually entered the hole, just touched the outside, does that affect the process of fertilization, or does it make sperm unviable because they never go inside, not that that happened because it didn’t (like actually) I just like see different things online and wanted to know an actual answer lol

[aarija]

Sure, that is a great question - It is possible for sperm on the outer parts of the vulva to make their way into the vagina, but it isn't very likely, especially in this scenario, where the semen was wiped away. It would be more of a possibility if you ejaculate directly onto or near the vulva, or when having unprotected anal sex.

[Mediapd]

Okay thank you

[Mediapd]

Just like asking again, I’m not at great risk even if she was ovulating right, like does that change anything

[Sam W]

Hi Mediapd ,

No, there is no risk of pregnancy from this, even if she was possibly ovulating at the time. You can read more about why that is here: Let's Dial Down Some (Maybe) Ovulation Freakouts

Too, since it sounds like this pregnancy scare is persisting for you, I would go through this piece and follow the steps it recommends:

The Pregnancy Panic Companion

[Mediapd]

Thanks, yeah we are remaining abstinent from sex completely because both of us are too worried, this was just like a lapse of my judgment but thank you. Your guys advice is amazing

[Sam W]

You're welcome, I'm glad we were able to help!

[Mediapd]

Hey, your advice actually made both of us feel better a lot, one last question, despite that act not being a cause of risk, and us not doing any other acts during the month that could cause risk, her period is now 2 days later than the predicted date on Flo with pretty regular cycles, usually only varying a day maybe two, and she has no symptoms of pms and she usually does, is it worth it to take a pregnancy test? Or do you think we are good. Thank you

[KierC]

Hey there Mediapd,

I’m glad that Aarij and Sam were able to help!

You know, the predicted start date on a period app isn’t the most accurate measurement of when you’ll get your period — in the same way that it’s hard to detect when you’re ovulating, it’s also hard for an app, or anyone for that matter, to predict the exact day you’ll start menstruating. The first day of menstruation can naturally vary by a few days, and it sounds like you’ve seen that variability happen before with your partner’s period varying by a few days.

In terms of if a pregnancy test is worth it: In this case, I think that has to do more with if taking a pregnancy test would help you put these worries to bed. Since there is no pregnancy risk here but anxiety is persisting, sometimes taking a test may actually help relieve some anxiety. If you feel like it would help just to see the negative result staring back at you, then I would certainly go for it. But, if you feel like taking the test would prolong any anxiety about this, I would steer clear from engaging any more with this particular risk (or lack thereof).

If it helps at all to practice this as a self-soothing exercise: If a friend came to you with this exact scenario, given the information you know now from Sam and Aarij, what would you tell them about the risk or lack thereof in this situation?

[Mediapd]

Okay thank you, yeah I didn’t realize like 4-5 day variability was normal

[HannahP]

Hi Mediapd, I'm glad that was helpful information! I know it can be stressful to be relying on someone else's body for information, especially if you don't completely understand how those bodily functions work. If you'd like to learn more about fertility cycles and menstruation, I'd recommend this article: On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation. And if you just need something to remind you not to panic about a late period, you and your girlfriend could take a look at this article: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?. I'm so glad you're both feeling better and less anxious now!

[Mediapd]

Yeah, I think we were just worried because it says she’s late now, and she’s been experiencing pms symptoms but no period has came, I’m feeling better about it now, but she seems to be really stressed out, is it normal to still experience PMS symptoms the day or two before a period is expected and still now?

[HannahP]

Are you asking if it's normal to experience PMS when your period is a few days later than you expect? Absolutely! Even for people whose cycles are very regular (which is not the case for many, probably most, teenagers and young adults), PMS symptoms can be affected by all kinds of different internal and external factors. And one of those factors is stress — if you take a look at the Where's My Period? article that I linked for you, you'll see that stress is one of the things that can mess with a person's cycle.

I know that it's stressful that period apps often use very confident language like "your period is late," but I want to reiterate what Kier said: period apps are only making guesses about a person's cycle based on averages. In order to know for sure where someone is in their cycle, you have to gather a lot more information every day than simply how many days has it been since their last menstruation. It is extremely common for people's cycles to vary in length by several days every month, so a period app's guess for when you'll start menstruating is just that, a guess.

[Mediapd]

Thank you, yeah I did take a look at those articles and I found it very interesting, I always thought that the FAM method only considered counting your days, not the other stuff, she is stressed about it, I’m going to share this info with her, I’m sure she’s been “late” before; it just puts the pressure on whenever you are sexually active. Especially as the female who is holding the baby for 9 months, I can understand why she’s anxious. She is feeling better now though, I do have one question, we live in Texas and she is not in a position to talk to her parents due to religion about her intimate life, is there any options for hormonal birth control or an IUD that don’t require parental approval in Texas? She is 17 if age matters, thank you.

[HannahP]

I completely understand — when you're already feeling anxious about pregnancy (and living in a place that restricts reproductive healthcare can really add to your anxiety, for good reason!), it's easy to become hyper hyper aware of your body and all the ways it's maybe acting differently than normal. I've had similar experiences myself, thinking "oh no, my period has never been this late before!" only to check my tracking and realize that it absolutely has, I just didn't notice because I wasn't worried then. I'm glad that you're planning on sharing the articles with her and I hope it helps both of you!

When it comes to contraceptive options, remember that you can always purchase condoms over the counter, without any kind of parental permission. That's a form of birth control that you can be completely in charge of, which could help ease your own anxiety and share the burden of managing birth control with your girlfriend. For birth control options for her, would she be willing to make her own account and talk to us directly? I understand she has concerns about her parents finding out, but maybe she could access our site using whichever device you are? I know that when someone we're close to is dealing with anxiety, it feels so tempting to want to take the problem off their plate and solve it for them, but it's really best to help them help themselves. That lets them have agency and control over their life and leaves you free to focus on the aspects of the situation that you can take complete responsibility for. Does that make sense?

[Mediapd]

Yeah I’ll ask her if she’s interested in that, she might not be because she doesn’t want birth control to mess with her cross country running, but I’ll ask her and she’ll probably make her own account, thank you!

[KierC]

Hi Mediapd,

We’d be happy to discuss any of these concerns with her directly. Though, if your girlfriend doesn’t want to take birth control for any reason, that is okay. It’s her body and her decision. The good news is that, as Hannah mentioned, you can take your own responsibility for preventing pregnancy by using condoms. After all, the responsibility of pregnancy (and preventing it) falls equally on both partners, regardless of who could become pregnant. Does that make sense to you? Too, are you able to acquire condoms, and are you comfortable with using them properly?

[KierC]

Also wanted to add this: If your girlfriend is finding that the period app Flo is causing anxiety (particularly with its fertility tracking), it may be helpful to switch to an app that doesn’t give info on fertility, more just for tracking menstruation. This is also something we can discuss with her if she’d like! For example, the apps Clue or Euki may be better options to explore, if this is something she brings up. Hope this helps!

[Mediapd]

Yeah, every time we’ve had intercourse we’ve used them, extra protection is always nice but definitely, doesn’t really bother me buying them, as a guy I think it’s good to take every step I can in preventing it, even though it sucks that all hormonal methods are female (for now). I’ll talk to her about switching apps! I think she’s more worried about the menstruation being late than fertility, she’s at school right now and doesn’t have her phone but I will talk to her about it later!

[KierC]

Absolutely. I’m really glad to hear you’ve been using condoms, and you’re right to take every step you can to prevent pregnancy alongside your girlfriend, too. It really does suck that the only hormonal birth control methods for now are for people assigned female at birth, but as you know there are things you can do to minimize that burden for your partner. Fingers crossed for the future of male birth control pills!

[Mediapd]

I will also refer her to this site to talk to you guys, thank you for the help, also pretty sure there is like a male birth control pill that’s being tested

[KierC]

There is one being tested! I think the clinical trial is ongoing, but it’s really, really exciting. And yes! We’ll be happy to talk to her, too.