New to this and also gender and other stuff

[OpossUM?]

Okay there’s a few things, so I’m 17, and I just started masturbating this year, I’ve found a lot of help on these articles but I have some questions and worries still.

For context I’m a guy but I have female anatomy (ftm)

To masturbate I usually hump a little and massage my clitoris, I’ve tried with my vagina but I don’t feel nothing. But this I think is probably just what my body is like, I’m still exploring.

It feels really odd after though because I’m a guy but I masturbate like a girl. Makes me dysphoric and I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do.

One issue I have since I’ve started masturbating is that whenever I lay down I sometimes hump my bed, I don’t know if that’s normal,
Overall I’m scared I have hyper sexuality.
I also have bad anxiety and had been using masturbation as a coping mechanism, but I’m worried to get an addiction or something.

I guess I just want to make sure that nothing I’m doing is unhealthy or a red flag/ something I need to tell my healthcare provider about.

One small thing is that after I masturbation sometimes I still have a funny feeling after, kinda uncomfortable. Like I’m still arroused I guess but I don’t really feel like masturbating any more.

Then I think lastly, how do I know if I’m ready for sex? I feel curious about it now that I’m more comfortable with my body and sexuality, I have a boyfriend and I’m not sure if he’s interested. My mom is very supportive and open about this stuff I just don’t know when’s the right time, I think I still plan to wait till I’m older.

ALSo do other kids my age do this stuff??

[Anya]

Hi OpossUM?,

I'm glad you've been finding some of our articles helpful! I apologize in advance if any of the suggestions I give you have already read, so feel free to let me know if that's the case. I want to start by addressing some of the masturbation stuff, then I'll move on to talking about the dysphoria part of all of this, and then about sex and readiness.

So first of all I want to say that everything you have described so far seems totally normal. Given what you have told me at this point, I am not concerned with things like sex addiction or hypersexuality. It turns out that human beings are actually really sexual creatures, and especially during puberty when your body is releasing tons of hormones at once, feeling like your libido is going crazy is a super common experience, and practicing safe masturbation is a completely healthy way to deal with those feelings. The ways in which you described masturbating (humping the bed, clitoral stimulation instead of vaginal) are not at all uncommon, actually, clitoral stimulation is a significantly more practiced mode of masturbation than solely vaginal penetration. That being said, everyone's body is different and no one way works for every person, so what might work for you may not work for someone else and vice versa. Here's an article that might settle some nerves. In terms of the feeling you get right after masturbation, when our most sensitive body parts are stimulated a ton, it is completely normal to immediately after the fact feel some throbbing, sensitivity, or discomfort just because our body is gradually settling back into not being stimulated anymore. If you experience any pain during this, that would be something I would tell someone about, but if it's just more of a discomfort/sensitivity, I wouldn't worry.

I'm curious as to specifically what you meant by using masturbation as a coping mechanism. would you tell me a little bit more about that?

As for the dysphoria element to this, I want to say first, that you are definitely not alone in this experience. Masturbation can sometimes be a really triggering experience when your genitals don't match up to the way you see yourself, and I understand how stressful and frustrating that can be. In terms of trying to feel more connected with genitals that match you, it's not an uncommon practice for people to use other items to hump and rub on (like you have) because no matter your genitals, everyone humps haha, as well as maybe trying to fantasize about how you might interact with someone else's genitals who are the same as yours, and as manly as the next. Our perspectives on what we deem "masculine" and "feminine" are so important to how we see ourselves, and others, and if we can stretch our brains even a little to think of someone else's vagina as the hottest and most masculine thing we've ever seen, it might impact how we see our own. Down the line, if you have the financial accessibility once you turn 18 there are also sex toys out there sold for this exact purpose, although I personally don't know enough about them to recommend anything, it's something to look into in the future.

Now on the topic of sex and readiness, just like how everyone's body is different, and we don't all feel things the same way, there really is no one-size-fits-all timeline for sexual next steps. One thing to keep in mind though, if it takes any weight off, is that virginity really is something we created as a culture, and sex can be defined in many many ways, all to say, penetrative sex is sometimes put up on a pedestal as "the only kind of real sex" when in reality things like mutual masturbation, oral, and manual can be just as important as penetrative sex. Readiness for penetrative sex is something that really only you can decide because you know yourself and your body better than anyone, but if it helps at all, each of those kinds of sex and more are all valid and normal. Heres another article of ours that might help you sort through some feelings on readiness.

I know that's a lot of info so take your time and go through it, but how does all of this sound to you?

[OpossUM?]

This was all very helpful and reassuring!!! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one with these worries. I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with masturbation I think. With the coping thing, basically a bit back I was having a lot of episodes of anxiety and panic attacks, so when I felt one coming on I just unconsciously kinda thought to masturbate which kinda helped. I was worried though because I was doing it a lot because of how much anxiety I was feeling. Though I’ve gotten new medication and I’ve been a lot better lately. I assume that if it happens again, I don’t think it’s inherently bad, I’m just guessing to make sure it’s not the only way I deal with my anxiety when it’s that bad.

For the dysphoria I’ll remember to try that stuff out, I have a little and it does make it a lot easier. I know one day I’ll be comfortable with my body, it’ll just take some time. I’ve though about the sex toys for trans people, I think I’d really like to try it out, right now I’m 17 but me and my mom are very close and it’s not something I’m that afraid of asking about.

With sex I think I’ll just keep on spending time with my partner and see how him and I feel, and I’ll make sure to consider everything in that article.

One last thing though, I realized this is probably a good place to ask. I wanted to know if my menstrual cycle was normal, an issue I have is that I get discharge everyday till my period, most people I think usually just have it like a couple days after or before etc. This means I always have to where a panty liner or light pad, which is really annoying. This began ever since I started my period. This happens for my twin sister too, I don’t know if it’s a hormone thing, my mom was told me and her could have hormonal issues growing up, but I’m not really sure how to identify that.

[Jacob]

On your last point, from reading our piece on the subject
(Honorably Discharged: A Guide to Vaginal Secretions) it seems that the frequency of discharge can vary quite a lot from person to person, and still be perfectly healthy even if its very frequent. Usually the main time to be concerned about discharge is if the the appearance, consistency or smell is off. If your twin sister has the same, it could be this is a common thing about how both of your bodies operate.

Apart from it being so frequent, is there anything else about the discharge that is worrying?