is there a time when you fully process being assaulted? why does it come up randomly? why do mundane parts of life remind me of what happened? why do happy things trigger me? i don't necessarily need answers but i feel like i don't talk about this with anyone. and its extremely difficult to talk about in my therapy sessions. i feel deeply hurt and violated. i still have thoughts of ''is this my fault? did i make it seem like i wanted that? why couldn't i say anything? why couldn't i move and scream and fight? '' why do people think that i wanted that?
why cant i process what happened? why doesn't it feel over? why does it still feel like its happening? even right now i feel like i'm there again.
sometimes i feel fine mentally and then my body will react weird. i can't get anything done. i feel like i'm being used. i feel worthless. i feel undesirable. i really don't know what i'm doing. i wish this never happened. why does this happen? why do i even feel like this? it hurts a lot. everything feels so in the air. nothing feels real anymore.
this is really hard. but i know i can get through this. i deserve to get better. nothing was my fault. i know what happened to me and i know what's true. it feels uneasy but i just have to remind myself to keep going.
vent (tw: sa, flashbacks?)
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: vent (tw: sa, flashbacks?)
Hi Kittybunz! Welcome to Scarleteen.
When we're in a lot of pain and our efforts don't seem to go anywhere, it can be so difficult to imagine a hopeful future.
I promise, healing isn't always linear, but it is possible. You can get through this. You deserve to get better. You know what happened, and none of it was your fault. Remind yourself not to listen to anyone who says otherwise.
I know it can take immense courage to talk about these things, so I'm glad you felt that you could do so here. What can we do to support you? I have some ideas, but feel free to suggest something else. We can talk about what you can try when you feel like you're there again, or when nothing feels real. We can also discuss ways to bring this up with your therapist, or we can just provide reassurance or affirmation.
When we're in a lot of pain and our efforts don't seem to go anywhere, it can be so difficult to imagine a hopeful future.
I promise, healing isn't always linear, but it is possible. You can get through this. You deserve to get better. You know what happened, and none of it was your fault. Remind yourself not to listen to anyone who says otherwise.
I know it can take immense courage to talk about these things, so I'm glad you felt that you could do so here. What can we do to support you? I have some ideas, but feel free to suggest something else. We can talk about what you can try when you feel like you're there again, or when nothing feels real. We can also discuss ways to bring this up with your therapist, or we can just provide reassurance or affirmation.
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