I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
when i was younger 8-9 years old, i remember discovering porn. which in turn, i showed my cousins and would suggest we engage in sexual things such as laying on the bed and kissing all over each other including the top of our pubic bones. Neither of my cousins bring it up, in no way am i just trying to bring it up in regular convo either with them. So many things i forget but this i remember. I feel shame and guilt in my twenties still. I don’t know what to do
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Re: I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
Hi Greenwitch, and welcome to the boards
I’m so sorry to hear this has been causing you to feel shame and guilt. Hopefully we can help untangle some of these feelings with you.
From what you’re describing, this sounds like the type of childhood curiosity we know to be common in younger children. This doesn’t sound like COCSA, and the biggest reason I say that is because I’m not hearing anything in what you’ve described that sounds coercive or manipulative. You didn’t push or force anyone, and it sounds like you were all curious. It sounds, too, like you yourself didn’t have some of the context for this situation either, because you learned about it through sexual media without education or information on it.
How does reading that make you feel about this now?
I’m so sorry to hear this has been causing you to feel shame and guilt. Hopefully we can help untangle some of these feelings with you.
From what you’re describing, this sounds like the type of childhood curiosity we know to be common in younger children. This doesn’t sound like COCSA, and the biggest reason I say that is because I’m not hearing anything in what you’ve described that sounds coercive or manipulative. You didn’t push or force anyone, and it sounds like you were all curious. It sounds, too, like you yourself didn’t have some of the context for this situation either, because you learned about it through sexual media without education or information on it.
How does reading that make you feel about this now?
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Re: I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
how do i get the images to go away
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Re: I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
Memories can certainly pop up when we don’t want them to, and there’s a few things we can do about that. First, recognizing that while we can’t get rid of memories, we can do things about how we remember them, and what sort of things we think while we remember them, to make them a little less heavy on us. So, in this case, I think it might make sense to untangle some of the ways you view these memories, and if there’s a way to reframe it for yourself. Second, sometimes when these images pop up more, there may be an underlying emotional need to address — feeling like a bad person, feeling like things are your fault, feeling out of control, etc. that can be cared for more directly.
With all that in mind, do you want to talk a bit about what sort of thoughts come to mind when the images come up?
With all that in mind, do you want to talk a bit about what sort of thoughts come to mind when the images come up?
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Re: I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
oh yeah i feel like a terrible person and that everyone hates me and im disgusting, there are many encounters in my life that make me feel this way, this is just one piece of it
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Re: I’m pretty sure i committed COCSA
Hey there, greenwitch. I’m so sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself.
All of this, to me, sounds like stuff where you’d be most likely to create positive change with the help of a therapist. Is that a kind of help you’re open to exploring?
All of this, to me, sounds like stuff where you’d be most likely to create positive change with the help of a therapist. Is that a kind of help you’re open to exploring?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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