I have a crush on someone that I don’t know how to proceed with

[randomname13]

There’s this girl that a few weeks ago at my school caught my eye, and I just can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know her besides her name. The only interaction we have had is when I decided to ask if I could sit with her because I didn’t want to sit at my table that day. We didn’t talk any further though, and I’ve only seen her one time since.

We don’t share any classes, and probably the biggest thing I keep getting hung up on is that I’m a junior, and she’s a freshman. I also need to get off my chest that I found her Instagram yesterday after I deliberately tried looking for it, which was oddly quick as she just had followed the schools instagram account. I felt weird doing it, and I don’t want to message her as I just feel it would be creepy. So it feels my options are do nothing, or try and thing of something else. I just don’t really know what to do. She’s really pretty and I want to get to know her better.

[Ro S]

Hey there randomname13,

Thanks for reaching out to us with your question! Sounds you've been spending a lot of time thinking about this girl you saw at school. I think it's pretty common nowadays to find people online to get a better sense of them but I understand that you're wanting more of an in-person connection here.

Would it be a possibility for you to ask your friends at school if anyone knows who she is? It sounds like you're really wanting to get to know this person and I think it may be worth your time finding ways to coincide in activities at school so you can try to connect more.

You mentioned that you keep getting hung up on her being a freshman and you being a junior. Is it that you want to connect with people closer in age or is there something else that's coming up for you in regards to this?

[randomname13]

I don’t really have friends at school, and the people I do talk to wouldn’t know her. I wouldn’t mind messaging her if I knew for certain it wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable. I just don’t want to come off as creepy

I keep getting hung up on it for a few reasons. I would want to connect with people closer in age, but there is no one in my grade who is my type. I also tend to be limited in who exactly I am attracted to. It tends to be more “masculine” women (I recognize the ambiguity in the word, but I don’t know what other word to use). Also if they are shorter than me I find it weird. Taller is okay, but it depends. But the other thing is that it’s often, and understandably in some cases, looked down upon for freshman to date upperclassmen and vice versa. People tend to see me neutrally, and I never get involved with drama. And I’m worried that I would if we decided to get in a relationship. I am also worried about what she would think about me being older than her. I also just don’t know what would happen in two years when i graduate. I will be moving to another country, and I know from previous experience I don’t do well long distance.

[Ro S]

hey there,

I totally understand your hesitancy to send a message over IG since you've only had one interaction in person and it was pretty short. I would say that if you're really interested in getting to know her more but aren't able to find activities or friends in common at school, reaching out via social media could be helpful to find more ways to connect! I think that if you went that route, it would be important to emphasize your interest in getting to know her more and asking if she's comfortable with messaging online.

I get the sense that you're feeling some pressure to meet expectations with your social circles and that it brings up some anxiety to veer away from those at times. I think for the moment, I would recommend you consider if social expectations are more important than your feelings towards wanting to be in a relationship (romantic or friendship). You may find that if you feel solid on what's important to you, the expectations of others will start to weigh less on your decisions. Does this all make sense?

As far as getting to know this person, I would say that if you're really wanting to connect there isn't any harm in taking a little leap either through IG or in person. Definitely nerve-wracking but you may find that it all works out whatever the outcome may be! If anything, you may find that taking the little leap may allow you to feel more at ease with not being able to connect with her too!