chance of being pregnant?

[carine]

hello!

me and my boyfriend were messing around two days ago and we’re worried we might’ve done something that would lead to me being pregnant. at one point, i used my hands on him and when he orgasmed his semen got on my hand and a little bit got on his hand. we both wiped our hands dry on my blanket and a while after he started using his fingers on me, not inside but just rubbing the outside. but now we’re worried maybe he still had semen on his hand and it got inside or something. i’m not even sure if it’s possible to get pregnant that way but i have really bad health anxiety and im not expecting my period for another three weeks so some reassurance or anything would be nice.

thank you!

[Jacob]

Hi Carine,

Sperm can't survive and stay viable outside the body very long, and even when it does it needs to stay wet and there needs to be enough of it.

So if you're asking yourself it was there or not, it definitely wasn't enough to cause a pregnancy risk.

Now you know it's not possible that way, how are you feeling? Health anxiety can be very overwhelming, is there any way we can help?

[carine]

hello!

i was feeling better about the whole situation, but now i am just feeling worse.
lately i have had some pain ( not bad but noticeable) in my lower left abdomen and it hurts to pee. i’ve also been bloated.
i know these symptoms could probably mean anything but i always jump to the worse conclusions and it is so frustrating!!! i’ve convinced myself that im either pregnant or have ovarian cancer, which i had also thought a few months ago and it was the only thing i thought about for weeks on end.
this type of stuff genuinely consumes me and worsens my day and i don’t know who to talk about this to without sounding absolutely crazy. it’s gotten to a point where ive had sit down talks with my parents asking who has died from what and our family’s medical history and constantly googling my symptoms.
i feel like i can’t spend time with my friends without worrying about my health or focus in class because im always thinking about it and im so anxious.
i feel helpless

[Jacob]

Welcome back carine!

How about as a start we try and be kind to ourselves about having mental health struggles. That includes taking some of the stigma out of the idea of being "crazy". Health anxiety, or it's close relative OCD are genuine psychological issues, and if we sound like we have those issues, it's because we do have them, and we don't need to feel ashamed about what are some very human emotional reactions to living in an often confusing and overwhelming world.

On how to talk to people about it... Of course people can be dismissive and rude, in which case we don't need support from that kind of person. However, often when someone hasn't experienced those things the way we have, they might just be held back by their lack of understanding. In those cases maybe you could try talking about the anxiety itself instead of the things you're anxious about, because those anxious thoughts are confusing and contradictory even for you, whereas feeling anxious and stressed are very relatable problems.

If you tell someone that you get anxious invasive thoughts about various health issues and it's hard to feel safe, I'd hope that is the kind of description people can more easily emphasise with, rather than "AAh, this week I think I have ovarian cancer!" - which is obviously part of it, but starting with the general points about health anxiety is going to make that stuff easier to understand.

I really like this metaphor I heard recently about being allergic to half the plants in a garden where you live, and trying to pull them all out one-by-one while more get planted behind you and you getting more rashes in the process , when all the time you're forgetting to do something that might really help which is to talk to the gardener.

In this case the plants are the anxious thoughts, and the gardener is the part of yourself that's planting these thoughts... If we think of that part as "crazy" we're really going to struggle to communicate with them, but if we can treat them with kindness then that's a really powerful starting point, which will help with your own self soothing, with talking about it with friends and family, and is a great thing to work on with a therapist.

Have you had therapy or counseling before? Do you think that's something you could get access to?

[carine]

hello!

i used to go to therapy however my focus was not my anxiety, more so my eating disorder even though i was experiencing anxiety at that time.

i also apologize for my use of the word “crazy” as i see how that can be hurtful to myself and others.

since my last post i have been feeling a bit better about the whole health stuff and i’ve been taking magnesium gummies at night to help with sleeping. i also try to dedicate 30 minutes before bed to something relaxing and enjoyable like coloring or taking a warm shower so i can look forward to bedtime instead of dread it and stay up all night worried about my health.

however today i’m supposed to get my period and i haven’t yet, it’s currently 5 pm where i am so i’m not too worried because the day isn’t over yet but i am kind of starting to get into that head space where i worry about my health and being pregnant and stuff.

last month i got my period early so i’m not sure if that means ill get it later this month?

[Jacob]

The length of your cycle and the day of your period can vary a fair bit all by itself for (seemingly) no reason at all.

Given that this is a focus of your anxiety I would advise against using periods as a signal either way regarding pregnancy, that just sounds like an extra source of stress every month.

If nothing has happened in the month which could lead to pregnancy, that's all you need to know. And if it did, you would have the option of taking a pregnancy test.

Your evening routine sounds so good! Night time can be a really tough time for worries to creep in so finding ways to get to sleep can be a life-saver for our mental health.

That also gives you a good platform for heading back into therapy and working on stuff when its no longer overwhelming.

If possible, I'd recommend trying to move your attention somewhere else altogether if pregnancy anxiety starts to take over, but if that's not an option I'd give this piece a read: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul - and maybe dedicate some time to write down some of your reflections, both for your own benefit, and if you restart therapy to have something you can take there to get support on.