I get confused about my sexual orientation

[ferrerorocher]

It took me a long time to simply admit that I am a lesbian. I did have intimacy with a guy once and I did orgasm but I was under the influence of alcohol and I couldn't bear watching him most of the time. Though I have never had intimacy with a woman I know that I like/love them simply because I only ever had genuine feelings for women and because I find them physically more attractive. What however bothers me is the fact that whenever I see sex scenes in movies or watch porn I instantly get aroused when I see the male part ? or when I watch heterosexual/ gay porn... Sometimes when I watch "solo women porn" I do get aroused too but it takes me way longer and it sometimes feels forced. Now I wonder why do I not get "wet" when I see women even though I obviously like them? It just really confuses me

[KierC]

Hi Ferrerorocher, and welcome to the boards!

I hear you that it took you a long time to identify as a lesbian, and that it’s confusing now to experience arousal from looking at penises. Sexuality is one of those complex, not-so-easy-to-pin-down things, and there is often a lot more nuance to how someone experiences sexual attraction than the words that are available to describe one’s identity. Too, the words people use to describe their sexual identity often refer to the gender identity of the person they’re attracted to, but their gender identity does not tell us what genitals someone has. So, identifying as a lesbian doesn’t mean that you can’t be aroused by penises, as many women do have penises.

I think another helpful way to look at this might be to recognize that there’s many reasons someone might get aroused at the sight of certain genitals. For some, looking at genitals in porn feels good and triggers desire and some thoughts about doing the thing that’s being shown; but for plenty of folks, the porn they watch doesn’t always line up with the types of sex they like to have. Some folks particularly enjoy the sight of penises regardless of gender identity because it’s more obvious when they’re aroused (an erection is visually more “out there” than wetness or engorgement on a vulva), but that doesn’t mean they want to have sex with a penis or are attracted to men.

How does all of that land with you to start?

[KierC]

Double-posting to add that, speaking to the idea that your identity can be more complex than the words commonly available to describe it, my colleague Anya just posted a wonderful thread on lesbian identity and describing complex attraction; I think a lot of what they said there might resonate with you too. <3 What is Lesbianism really?? Drop your confusion below <3

[ferrerorocher]

Wow, thank you I never really looked at it that way. Maybe I do enjoy "penises more than vaginas" I have not tried both yet so I wouldn't know either way. But ig what my eyes like to see does not always have to resonate with what I feel more attracted to. Thank you for the thread rec as well!

[Latha]

Let us know if you have any other questions!