sexuality

[confused_teen]

Sorry this is my first time posting here and im kind of scared and embarrassed to be talking about this type of thing. I hope this is the right place for this kind of stuff.
Im confused on my sexuality I like both men and women but i go more for personality then anything. I was raped as a child could that be whats causing this confusion? What type of sexuality is that is it bi or something else?

[Jacob]

Hi confused_teen,

Good job on posting this here, especially if you've been scared and embarassed, it's a big step and a really good thing. It is absolutely the right place.

Really plenty of people are attracted to folks based on their personalities much more than their genders, so you're not alone there. What you call it is really up to you!

Bisexual could be a really good fit for you, because it describes being attracted to men and women.

Pansexual is another term, and it means not really minding what someone's gender is at all, so it makes extra clear that you don't mind, and that even if someone isn't a man or a woman you could still be attracted to them (so if someone's genderqueer etc).

Some people call it just being queer, and some folks just don't call it anything and take it one relationship at a time.

So maybe one of those words feel like they fit?

I do also want to address what you say about childhood rape. Really any kind of sexual abuse can mess with us emotionally and psychologically... and while it isn't going to cause this confusion (lots of people are confused without having been abused), it can be something that makes it more difficult.

Have you ever had any support dealing with the emotional effect of that rape since it happened?

[confused_teen]

Yes I have been seeing a counselor for depression and the rape. Its a hard thing to talk about tho and go thro. I also have never been in a relationship before and i want to be but no one wants to be with me.

[Jacob]

It's is really great you are seeing a counsellor... that is going to have such a good effect.

I can feel you with not feeling wanted, it sucks so much to feel like that. There are so many great people out there, I'm know there are folks who are just perfect for you. Just because you haven't met them yet, doesn't mean they're not there.

If you look at it another way, from what you're saying you don't feel ready either, and are just discovering these things, so in a sense maybe not feeling rushed into relationships can be a good thing, just don't believe that it says anything bad about you. Because when I read what you've written here you sound awesome, intelligent and sensitive, feel welcome to stick around the boards, it's a pleasure to have you here!

[confused_teen]

thanks and ya maybe your right maybe Im not ready for a relationship. If i ever bring up a topic that isnt appropiate for here please tell me instead of kicking me off right away.

[Heather]

We're very clear in our user guidelines about what results in a ban, as well as the fact that we don't just ban people outright out of nowhere. No need for anyone here to have that concern.

[confused_teen]

ok thanks and im still a bit confused between pansexual and bisexual

[Heather]

For some people, those terms are interchangeable, and just mean "attracted to more than one gender."

For others, they're a bit different. Some people who identify as bisexual mean they are only attracted to cisgender men and women, and some people who identify as pansexual do because it feels like it better describes being attracted to all genders, including transgender men or women, or people who are genderqueer.

Some people may also choose to use bisexual rather than pansexual just because more people recognize bisexual as a term, so they won't have to explain it as often.

[confused_teen]

is it wrong to be bi i mean i dont want to act on my actions to females to a point but yet i do im usually attracted to older women like in there mid 20's early 30's am i a bad person for that?

[Sam W]

Hi confused teen,

In a word? No, being bi is not a bad thing. It's just one of the many ways humans can express and/or feel desire and attraction. Now, like being gay, there is some stigma attached to bisexuality, but that's not the result of bisexuality being wrong or shameful, it's the result of people holding bigoted opinions about what the "correct" type of desire is. So, there is nothing wrong with you if you feel this way. We have some articles on the site about different sexual orientations. Have you had a chance to read those yet?

[confused_teen]

no i dont know where to find them.

[Karyn]

There's a whole section on sexual identity right here: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual%20identity

This piece is a good place to start, though, if that list looks overwhelming: b]The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone[/b]

These two pieces might also be useful:
Q is for Questioning
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer

You can do a search of the main site, too, for terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, orientation....whatever you're curious about, really.