Why can't I finger myself?

[Cally.blk]

Alrighty so to start this off I'm 17 and a virgin, I've tried to finger myself before and I can't get like anything in at all. I've tried to have sex before and I have the same issue? It's not like I'm not aroused either or nervous, I just genuinely can't, although I also have never had my period? So maybe it's just not open or something? Idk it confused the butt out of me and I don't know what I'm supposed to do

[HannahP]

Hi Cally.blk, welcome to our boards!

There could be several things going on here. I'm going to start with your comment about your period. While it's not unheard of to be 16 or 17 and still waiting for your first period, it is unusual. Is this something you've ever discussed with a doctor —either a gynecologist or just your primary care physician? If you haven't, that should be your first step. A doctor would be able to do an exam and determine whether there's a connection to your period or if there's some other underlying cause, like vaginismus.

If the idea of asking your doctor (or asking your parents if you can see a doctor) seems daunting, we can help with that! We have some great resources on that topic and we'd be happy to talk you through how to go about it. To be clear, it's also entirely possible that the trouble you're having with fingering has nothing to do with your period or your anatomy (it is super common for people with vaginas to have trouble with insertion at first, for all kinds of reasons), but I think that a doctor's appointment and a physical exam is the right place to start.