Wooo, lets get typing. Also bear with the typos, im on my Ipad because my laptop is dead.
Im just gonna start explaining, so tw for kinda detailed story telling about this stuff.
In 6th grade, i had a girl stuff her hands in my pants through rips and touching me. I never processed this, and assumed it was normal since I wasnt online much/didnt learn about SA. I would happen day to day, and I never said no, never said yes, just kind of squirmed around while giggling nervously (I laugh when im scared unfortunately) and occasionally telling her to stop.
It didnt bother me much though so I dont think it really counts?
In 7th grade a guy did the same, but it was really different. This time it was really uncomfortable because I used to say no at first, but he would pressure me into saying yes, and then he would do it. For example, in class he would start groping my upper thighs and after I told him it made me uncomfortable, he would say sorry and stop, wait a couple minutes, and then a few minutes would pass and he would start doing it again, asking if it was ok after his hands were already on me. After a few attempts I gave in and told him it was fine, so he stopped asking for consent and would randomly put his hands in between my legs and rub me and such. He also sexually harassed me online, asking for nudes and such because he fantasized about my body. Thankfully I never gave into those because thats…illegal. I think.
Ive just been feeling shitty recently and started to really think about the situation and it started to dawn on me that I said yes at some point, so did it not count as SA? Some outside feedback on this would be nice, thanks guys <3
Im not sure if my “SA” was valid..
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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Re: Im not sure if my “SA” was valid..
Hi BoC!
I'm so sorry this happened! Unfortunately this sort of thing is very common and we would call what this guy did sexual assault, just as you have, regardless of what you said to get through the situation, he was still touching you in ways you'd been clear you didn't want, and he pressured you until he got an answer he preferred. You mentioned not sharing nudes because it was illegal, but I'll also add that there's nothing here telling me that it's something you wanted in any way, so you're absolutely correct that he was overstepping your consent there too and that it was sexual harassment too.
With the situation in sixth grade, it sounds like you were again touched without your consent in a sexual way, which we can absolutely call a sexual assault. However, I think whether it "counts" or not, really should come down to what you think would be useful for you in processing what happened and understanding yourself?
I also want to acknowledge that you are saying that the two events did feel different to you, even if you can't name it, you did experience them both differently.
It's ok, to have different feelings around different events. Regardless of the role that sexual assault played in both, you're allowed to approach them both in your own way.
It sounds like it would have been helpful to have had a serious conversation at that age around consent so you could have a better idea of how to process what was happening, and someone could have challenged this girls behavior.
Closer to the present this guy has been behaving horribly to you, and in both cases you don't deserve any of what you have gone through. You have deserved better this whole time, full-stop.
What's the situation now, is this guy still harassing you and posing a danger? Have you thought about what you might want to do next?
I'm so sorry this happened! Unfortunately this sort of thing is very common and we would call what this guy did sexual assault, just as you have, regardless of what you said to get through the situation, he was still touching you in ways you'd been clear you didn't want, and he pressured you until he got an answer he preferred. You mentioned not sharing nudes because it was illegal, but I'll also add that there's nothing here telling me that it's something you wanted in any way, so you're absolutely correct that he was overstepping your consent there too and that it was sexual harassment too.
With the situation in sixth grade, it sounds like you were again touched without your consent in a sexual way, which we can absolutely call a sexual assault. However, I think whether it "counts" or not, really should come down to what you think would be useful for you in processing what happened and understanding yourself?
I also want to acknowledge that you are saying that the two events did feel different to you, even if you can't name it, you did experience them both differently.
It's ok, to have different feelings around different events. Regardless of the role that sexual assault played in both, you're allowed to approach them both in your own way.
It sounds like it would have been helpful to have had a serious conversation at that age around consent so you could have a better idea of how to process what was happening, and someone could have challenged this girls behavior.
Closer to the present this guy has been behaving horribly to you, and in both cases you don't deserve any of what you have gone through. You have deserved better this whole time, full-stop.
What's the situation now, is this guy still harassing you and posing a danger? Have you thought about what you might want to do next?
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Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
Please vote for Scarleteen at Project for Awesome before 2/19/25!