Stuck in limbo?

[talkinitout]

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18 and he was 19 (now 25 and 26). I have been having maybe an existential crisis or realizations, but I feel like I want to leave. I reflected on our relationship and there are some things that we just don’t click on. The main thing being he’s not a drinker/partier and I am. I don’t mind that he doesn’t care, but he judges me for it and it’s starting to weigh me down. He’s also very particular about things being his way. I love him to death, but when I think longer term, I wonder if I’m capable of being with someone who is so black and white with thinking and rigidity? I also have never been “alone” per se. I have had some kind of boyfriend since I was 15, so I don’t know if it’s that part of my brain that just wants me to be alone. I just don’t know what to do.

[KierC]

Hey there Talkinitout, and welcome to the boards

So, nobody here can tell you if you should stay or go, or what to do with your relationship. The only person who can decide that is you. But, we can absolutely talk here about what you’ve been feeling and experiencing, and hopefully that might help give you some space to talk about how you feel and maybe have some clarity on where you’d like to go with this. How does that sound to you?

To start, it sounds to me like, in reflection, you’ve discovered there’s some distinct differences in how you spend your time, but that also you feel like he’s judging you for drinking and partying. I want to say first that it’s okay for couples to enjoy doing different things with their time, but I hear you that it’s difficult to enjoy when you feel like he judges you for it. When you say he judges you, what kind of things does he say? Too, have you mentioned to him before how this makes you feel? I also hear you that perhaps a larger difference is his black-and-white thinking. Could you explain a little more what you mean by that? Are there specific things he does or says to you?

I hear you that you’re also feeling like you might want to just be alone, and that is perfectly valid. You don’t need to stay in a relationship if you don’t want to be in one, but I hear you that you’re hesitant. Would it be helpful for you to list out/weight the pros/cons a bit?