Why is it difficult for me to insert anything?

[spaceotter]

(Be aware that I will put some tmi stuff here and talking about my struggles with vaginal penetration)

Hello! I’m a 19-year-old virgin but is sexually active. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, because I can’t put anything inside my vagina. I’ve been scared to insert anything for the last couple of years and only have been into clitoral stimulation. I have bought my first ever silicone dildo. I thought it was time for me to start inserting something because I’ve felt at times where I DO want something inserted. It is flexible and curved. It feels awkward trying to get it in but it won’t budge. I’ve put water-based lube on it and even on my vagina. It feels like my vagina is blocked (something like my hymen possibly?) and I felt it hurt a little when I tried to force it in (not that forceful but slightly putting pressure). I began to cry because I literally cannot shove anything up there. I’ve never tried my fingers. I’m not sure if this counts but I did try to put in 1 finger and I feel like some did go through?

My thought is that I’m not relaxed. I stress myself out doing this because I’m scared of the feeling and also scared it’s going to hurt. I’m thinking about seeing a gynecologist but I’m scared they will make me do a Pap smear and THAT seems extremely terrifying.

Anyways, if anyone knows what I should do, let me know please. Thank you for reading my post!

[aarija]

Hey spaceotter, welcome to the boards!

It can be very frustrating when our bodies aren't responding the way we'd like them to! Often, the body just needs a bit of notice about what we're trying to do, so it can respond accordingly. In sex, this is called foreplay, and its a important part of solo sex as well. When aroused, the vagina will actually expand and self lubricate to allow for insertion. It can take time to reach full arousal, and one of the important parts is to be relaxed. If you're putting pressure on yourself to perform, it may be one of the reasons you're finding insertion to be difficult.

I also encourage you to start with something smaller, like a finger, and work your way up to the dildo, using plenty of lube along the way.

You said you have been enjoying clitoral stimulation. Is that something you tried before trying to insert the dildo?

[spaceotter]

Thank you so much for your response!
I definitely agree to start smaller, I kind of jumped straight into a 7” and I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I hope I can eventually!

And, for the last question, I did try to make myself arouse but I was just filled with anxiety about getting it in and I just didn’t feel aroused anymore, I felt stressed out. I’ll def try to be more relaxed.

[KierC]

Hey there Spaceotter

I am glad to hear Aarij’s advice was helpful! Starting with one finger (and lube!) and only moving up in size when you feel comfortable doing so is a great step toward slowly stretching the area and just getting more comfortable with the feeling of vaginal entry. It might also be helpful to incorporate stimulating other areas before inserting a finger, like clitoral stimulation if that is something you enjoy.

Doing what you can to ensure you’re relaxed can go a long way to helping things feel more pleasurable. If you feel like it’s hard to relax, though — if you’d like ideas, or want to talk about what about vaginal entry is stressful, we’d be happy to chat with you about that as well.