were these experiences cocsa/sexual harassment

[ls2verice]

hey I was wondering if these experiences were COCSA/sexual harassment (me perpetrating).

1. nokia incident: for context, me and my cousin are 6 months apart (me born first), born the same year. when I was 7-9 I had found porn and I decided I wanted to share with m cousin. when we had a sleepover I told her about how I found out about sex and asked her if she wanted to see, she hesitated at first but then decided that she did want to see. I said "but I'm warning you it looks weird". She then looked at the picture on my screen and said "ew", I agreed with her and that was it.

2. before nokia incident, it was a game we did on another sleepover (we were 6/7): she asked me to dare her to do anything, so I asked her to kiss me down there. she said sure, I proposed a countdown and then we agreed on a time (10-15 seconds). I actually had wanted to do it without my underwear, but she said ew and that she'll do it with them on but without is just gross so that did not happen. she did it, didn't really feel anything, then we moved on to other things.

3. fort incident: this was between my aunt and me who is 7 years older than me. when I was 6-8 (most likely on the younger side because I did not know what incest was), so she'd be 13-15. My aunt had made a fort for me and I had gotten the most random idea to try to kiss her out of curiosity, I then tried kissing her but she was pushing me away but I did end up pecking her once. I don't remember if she scolded me or just walked out of the room but I remember being embarrassed and confused, then following her downstairs to her moms room. I don't know if she told her or not because I did not hear, but I didn't get in trouble so I must've been really young. I recently apologized to her this year and when that happened and she said she was "not sure" what I was referring to but said that there's "no need to worry about that".

4. fanfiction incident: when I was 15 and my friend was 12, I suggested we make tumblr accounts to read fanfiction. she's 3 years younger than me, but we grew up together as church friends, she was taller than me, nor did we have much of a maturity gap, it felt like were the same age. I did this because I wanted to have someone to relate to fanfiction with. This friend had always been overly sexual with me and my cousin, in fact, I'm pretty sure she had more knowledge of sex than we did despite being older than her. a lot of her jokes were sexual which were funny at times and weird others. Because of this I was assumed she was going to look at accounts with "mdni" in their bio so I told her to lie about her age or else she will get blocked. at the time I did not really understand why these adults didn't want us to read their stuff other than, minors are annoying and them always saying "nsfw is for 18 only", so I didn't think the looking at it was harmful. Later I felt odd about the situation but brushed it off. I also recently apologized, told her it was unsafe to lie about her age, and suggested her age appropiate fanfiction websites. she said she didn't see the big deal but she understands now. she even told me that she never really used tumblr anyway, so I assume she just searched for a few fanfiction and just stopped.

5. amino incident: this was on amino, I had made a post when I was 12 asking people to ask me questions and someone asked me what is my original characters favorite song. now I had the idea to be "funny" and made my character listen to a lyric from cupcakke's song "deepthroat". they just responded "okey" with a flat faced emoji. I then remember feeling embarrassed and wishing I didn't send that. I recently looked back at their account and I found out that they were actually 13-14 at the time.

were any of these experiences cocsa/sexual harassment? Apologize for how long this is, I tried to shorten it as much as possible while not leaving out important details.

[Andy]

Hi there Is2verice!

I’ll say that none of these situations seem to involve any sexually abusive behavior in them. A big part of what makes something abuse is that it’s about power or control. Doing something, often repeatedly, with the purpose of hurting the other person is what abuse usually look like, not like accidentally doing something that might make someone uncomfortable. And I don’t see anything about controlling or hurting the other people in your descriptions, all I see is healthy curiosity and care for them. We aren’t born knowing everything about sex or boundaries, we have to learn about these things from people around us. And many 7 years old kids, and many older as well, don’t for example know they should ask before kissing someone, it’s a learning process and what matters is that you know that now. Does that make sense?

It also sounds like none of these people feels in any way harmed by these events, they might not even remember it like your aunt doesn’t!

I’m wondering, do you have an idea what made you question if these situation were sexual abuse?

[Jacob]

Just do add, I think for many people, events like these are how we learn what our own and other's boundaries actually are!

So instead of thinking of these a potential evidence that you had bad boundaries, they might actually be the opposite - memories that show you developing your sexual ethics through your experiences.