Talk to someone

[Laney]

Can anyone help I am sorry for replying

[Laney]

Wouldn’t the diapers smell in the trash

[Heather]

Laney, this is the last time I am going to ask you to stop with multiple posts like this. I have also gotten rid of yet another thread you started asking us about the same things we have been talking with you about for two days now.

I saw your chat history from the other day, and I believe you and jacob talked this through there as much as anyone could with you. You can see when the chat schedule is on the chat page here as anyone can: https://www.scarleteen.com/ask/live-chat We're not going to open up chat off-schedule for more discussion about this with you, and if you want to keep using the boards for discussion, we're goign to need you to honor limits and boundaries we have set, like asking you not to keep posting more posts and threads instead of waiting for us to answer you.

Yes, if left in the trash for a while, diapers will smell like anything else left in the trash. So, perhaps you can pitch in more than you have at home with taking out the trash or bring them in a smaller bag to your outside trash. Either way, these don't feel like questions anyone needs a sex educator for. I think you can figure out how to manage trash like this on your own, just like you would were you throwing away kleenex when you wipe your nose, or like someone who uses menstrual supplies figures out how to manage them..

[Heather]

Also, you did it again with yet another post while I was writing a reply. This is the last time I'm going to ask you to stop doing that. Please stop doing that.

[Laney]

Ok ok I am so sorry I am not great at communicating with people it is hard for me to communicate

[Heather]

I can appreciate that, but we're not actually asking you to communicate, and I think we have been very clear with what we are asking. What we are asking you to do is to simply wait until someone answers you to post again with the same or similar questions. Like any user, you have not had to wait more than a handful of hours at most for answers, and the questions you are asking are not even particularly time-sensitive. This is a simple boundary and I feel certain you have the ability to respect it.

[Laney]

Ok thanks heather. But on the topic of sex can I ask what would be a good toy for a teen that has never used a sex toy or had sex and i am a male

[Jacob]

Responding to a couple posts back...^^

A big part of communicating is listening, so if we've said "Don't make a bunch of quickfire short posts in a row, especially not before we've had a chance to respond" - listen to that and don't make a bunch of quickfire short posts in a row, especially not before we've had a chance to respond.

Likewise if we've said "Don't start new threads about the same topic, especially if an existing thread is ongoing" then don't start new threads about the same topic, especially if an existing thread is ongoing.

I'm going to be very honest here and say that the way you are asking these questions makes it seems like you're doing it for some kind of pleasure or enjoyment of us talking you through an imagined future scenario, rather than actual concerns with actual solutions which are suited to what we can give. E.g. talking through with you whether soiled diapers would smell or not. If you'd just like the enjoyment of roleplaying scenarios that sound exciting to you, that's a fine thing to want, just not from us as that is not our service.

If you are doing that I'd come clean and apologize, and we'd be happy to have you back in future to talk about real questions.

If I've misunderstood then please think about what you're asking and also why you're asking it, so we can figure out what support to give you, otherwise we will keep drawing the other conclusion.

[Laney]

Oh no I am asking because I wanted to know and I swear this is not for pleasure I am really asking this is actual concerns oh and can you answer my most recent question

[Laney]

Ok the truth is I really want to try diapers and I don’t know what my parents would say if I told them how they would react and I just want like tips on how to get the courage to tell them. and I did think about what I am writing and if u can help that would be great

[Jacob]

We don't know how they'd react either, so I'm sorry we can't solve that mystery, but if it's a conversation you really want to have, the best advice I can give is to be open with yourself about the possibility of it going badly, so you aren't so much facing the unknown, as feeling prepared for what is realistically possible. That is usually what nervousness around a future conversation is to do with.

However, you said you believe that they would be supportive. So we should also ask what would be a realistic negative result for you? Would it be that they were supportive but all of you were embarrassed about the topic?

If it's that, it could just be about reminding yourself "I'm going to be embarassed, they might be too, but I/we can handle it." before the conversation. Writing down some of the things you want to say, including what you'll say if the thing goes badly, or if you want to end the conversation. You can prepare yourself to break the ice if that awkwardness arises by acknowledging it by saying "I know this is an awkward conversation" - sometimes adding some humour to the conversation can help (you will know what's best with your family)

I will add that I do think privacy is is still important, so I would remind yourself that it's ok not to share everything and ask for privacy around it.

If it becomes the case that conversations with them make you feel less safe to explore this stuff, I would also encourage you to accept that you may need to wait until you've left home to explore it.

Does that help?

[Laney]

Thanks I will talk to u later

[Laney]

It’s just hard I mean, you think because their family they support you

[Jacob]

What do you mean by support, in this case?

I don't think you need family support for your things that are private to you, or the way you choose to masturbate. I'm not sure why we'd want any kind of parental support - except for respecting that privacy!

[Laney]

I would want the support that they would not mind me doing it and just accept me

[Laney]

Ok ok thanks I will see what I can do I will start by writing down what they may say and what I will say thanks if I need you I will communicate to u oh and I have another thread could u answer that one

[Laney]

I just feel awful I don’t have the courage to do it

[HannahP]

Hi Laney. I see that this is something that you've been struggling with a lot. I want to reaffirm what some of the others have said, which is that if the idea of having this conversation is too stressful for you, you do not have to have it and you certainly do not have to have it now. I understand that you want to feel accepted and supported, but often when it comes to details about our sexual preferences, that feeling of acceptance is something that we have to give ourselves, not find from other people. Why not take a break from worrying about how to tell your parents and think about how to get more comfortable with yourself?

[Laney]

What do you mean more comfortable with my self and what are ways I can do that

[KierC]

I am not sure, but I think part of what Hannah means is that sometimes, when we look to outside sources for validation that what we’re doing privately is okay, what we may really need is validation from ourselves. So, instead of your parents or even me or anyone else here telling you that this is okay, I think what’s more important is *you* feeling truly okay in your own mind. How does that sound to you?

Becoming more comfortable with yourself is something that takes time, and it can happen naturally as you explore what you’re interested in with curiosity. Journaling is also a great activity to incorporate as you explore; I think it can give more access to thoughts and feelings surrounding this preference in a safe space, where you can also try out ways of thinking about and exploring this preference in a way that feels good to you. Does that sound like something you might want to try?

[Laney]

I suppose but I really want to try it so bad I have seen many people do this like on YouTube and it seems so fun and I just want to try it and I also wonder because I am under 18 is it ok for me to try a sexual kink

[KierC]

Yes, we have answered this question for you already. Nobody can give you permission to try anything. This is all entirely up to you.

[Laney]

Ok ok thanks I will tell them eventually what would be a good setting to do it

[KierC]

Again, I think it’s best to not worry about telling them until you decide you want to and feel comfortable doing so. Right now, I would focus on what Hannah brought up about becoming comfortable with yourself first. If the time comes that you decide it’s important to you to tell them, then it’s up to you to choose a place to talk to them that feels private and comfortable to you.

[Laney]

Ok so I would say exactly this ;hay mom I wanted to talk to you so I am a teenager and I have been exploring my sexuality and I wanted to try a kink it is wearing diapers for masterbating now I was hoping you would not mind if I did it in private and would respect my choice.” how does that sound and should I make any edits