I had bullied a boy at my church and I need help with my apology

[ls2verice]

from 8-15 I think I had bullied one of the boys at my church. it wasn't any insults nor was it physical, but I remember we did ignore him, didn't really talk to him that much etc, so he was alone/isolated while my other friends would play. I think I mostly didn't like him because I had a weird aversion to boys at that age which I took out on him and didn't want to be friends or even near him because of it. If we were in the same car I'd try my best to sit as far away from him as I could. I remember multiple times where I'd come over or he would and I'd be fine, it's just that at church when I was with my friends I'd care less to talk about him. Except this one sleepover at our house where my dad ridiculed me for avoiding him and I eventually warmed up to him a little. still I didn't really talk to him or play with him.

other reasons my dislike grew for him:
-- he made a sexual comment towards my other church friend
-- one day he came to our church and just started saying "anus" repeatedly as a joke which I found annoying and gross
-- because he had put his hands in his underwear and then touched my aunt with his dirty hand which also made me repulsed by him.

eventually distancing myself as much as I could when we sat together in the car slowly waned, but I still wasn't comfortable sitting by him (idk why, he probably just found it funny).

the year I turned 15 I still didn't really talk to him, but it wasn't me actively avoiding. I also think the fact that no adults corrected us made it worser than it had to be. When that one church friend he made a sexual comment about left, I noticed that I didn't really feel all that compelled to avoid him or ignore him anymore. It was also during that year where two other little boys who were visiting our church asked him in front of me, "didn't she used to bully you" and he said "yeah". I didn't object to this, just sat there silently. now that I'm older and reflecting on my disdain for him, I found it really immature and unnecessary. I'm planning on apologizing this year, but I don't know where to start, our relationship actually got better, but I still do not feel like being friends with him. since 15 I've grown out of the avoiding thing and just talk to him normally, but there's obviously still some awkwardness due to that happening.

my apology was going to go something like this (simplified to bullet points):
- hey, I'm sorry that I avoided and ignored
- talking about my immaturity
- you are actually a pretty nice person and you didn't deserve to be treated that way.

is there anything else I should add or do?

[ls2verice]

"idk why, he probably found it funny", is referring to him putting his hands in his underwear and then touching my aunt.

[CaitlinEve]

Hey ls2verice,

I think it's normal for people, especially teenagers, to have preferences about who they interact with! The things you describe him doing are valid things to be put off by, and I don't want you thinking unnecessarily that you're a bully for having boundaries. That being said, apologizing isn't a bad thing and you should absolutely do it if that's what you want to do! I think that your apology outline sounds good. Since you mention wanting to make things less awkward between the two of you, I also want to link you to this article, which talks about communication in relationships (including platonic/acquantice relationships!).