confused about masturbation and toys

[eastonnn]

hi sorry if this is confusing but idk who else to ask about it and its sort of embarrasing

ive been masturbating for a while now and im bored with it and wanted to try it in a new way by getting a toy specifcally a fleshlight but idk if thats like too crazy or maybe bad for me to use??

ive never used anything other than my hand and also i dont know how to get it since my mom would have to know and idk if this is something i should talk to her aboutt or not. shes been asking me for weeks what i want for my birthday and that she would get me whatever i wanted so i thought for a second maybe i could ask for this but would that be dumb and make her mad and if not then how could i bring it up?

thankss

[Andy]

Hi eastonnn and welcome to the boards!

No worries, this is a great place to ask this and your post is perfectly okay!

I think you might like this article that talks about common household things you can safely use to masturbate: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition
This way, you can experiment with different kinds of stimulation even if you won’t be able to get a toy right away.

As for if and how to bring this up with your mum, how do you think she would react? Have you ever talked about sex and sexuality related topics with her?

[eastonnn]

hii thanks for replying i have tried making my own toy already but likee it didnt turn out so great so thats why i really wanted a real one. idk how exactly my mom would react but shes usually pretty chill and stuff but we dont rlly talk about stuff like this much because i get embarrassed and since its just me and her at home i dont really have anyone else to talk to about it but i do wish i could be more open with her about these things but i dont know how much i can talk about before she thinks its tmi

[Andy]

Glad to hear your mum seems like a safe person to talk about this with!

It’s understandable that these conversations can feel a bit intimidating and awkward, especially for the first time. But that’s okay, it’s even possible your mum wants to talk about sex and sexuality with you but just doesn’t know how to start! Could you give this article a quick read and let us know if something there helps you with the possible conversation? About That "Talk" with Your Parents...

As for you worry that it might be too much for her, it’s good to remember she has the ability to ask you to stop you if she needs to. You both can state your own needs and boundaries for the conversation beforehand.
It’s also worth mentioning that instead of a single conversation about getting a toy, it might be good to make sex and sexuality a more frequent topic among you two, if you feel comfortable with that of course.

[eastonnn]

i read thru the article and it had alot of good points , im still sorta nervous to have a conversation about it but im gonna try. but if the conversation is goin well how do i bring up the toy? like what should i say

[HannahP]

Hi Eastonnn!

I don't think there's any one right way to bring up something like this -- it totally depends on you and your mom's relationship and what you're comfortable sharing with her! You might want to tell her pretty much what you've told us here, that you want a toy, but that you feel awkward talking about it. How does that sound?

[Heather]

I do want to pipe in and make a suggestion, thinking about the perspective of parents in this situation.

Those of us who have long worked as sex educators have usually talked to at least one (and in my case, way more than one) parent who feels really torn and conflicted about getting their minor child a sex toy. Those worries and concerns run the gamut from being worried about boundaries with their kids, to being worried about the department of children and family services knocking on their door because they were a legal adult who bought a minor a sex toy, an unfortunately understandable concern in this era, even if that actually happening isn't presently all that likely.

So, instead, if you're going to ask her to help you get something like this, might I suggest that you try and make things a little more comfortable for you by asking her for a gift card for somewhere where you can get toys? I generally am the last person to suggest someone gives Amazon any more money, especially for sex toys, but just as an example in this case, they do sell a ton of strokers and other toys that anyone who had a gift care could get and have sent to them. You could tell your mother you want the gift card for something you want to keep private because it's about your body, too: the point isn't that asking for a toy is something to be ashamed of, so much as that -- especially with a young teen like you -- it presents a tricky position for both a child and a parent that I think can be alleviated with a little grace and a little less directness, in this case.

[eastonnn]

hiii thanks for the replys they had some good sugestions but im not sure if i can ask for a gift card since i would still have to use her account and the package might arrive when im at school and she will totallyyyyy open it and i dont want her to think i was lying or goingn behind her back. its hard to talk to her about it because im not the best at getting my point across i think if i mentioned it and then she could talk to an adult about her concerns it would reallly help idk if thats an option

thankss again for all the advice so far it really does help!!

[Sofi]

Is it possible to let her know you're ordering something private that you'd like her to not open - you could even mention it's private in a way that it would be TMI to explain, and try to get her to understand it's a sex toy without having to say it or go into details. You can order as a guest on Amazon, I'm pretty sure. There's also other sites you can use.

[eastonnn]

i dont think that would really work with her cuz if i say its private and ask her not to open it she would be like worried and then look at it for sure while im at school. i really do wantto be honest with her about itnbut i dont think she would take it seriously if i tried to argue with her aboutt it but maybe if she talked to an adult they could amswer her concerns or like explain that its not something weird??

[Ro S]

Hey there eastonnn,

I hear your concerns about your mom looking at your package even after you tell her it's a private thing you bought. You've mentioned it's just you and your mom at home - is there anyone else (maybe a close family member, auntie/uncle) that you could talk about this with? You may be right that getting your mom to chat about this with another adult may ease some of her concerns.

In the case that there isn't another adult you can trust to talk to your mom - I also want to add that it's okay you're feeling like any scenario where your mom finds out will be awkward. Awkward doesn't have to mean that anything is wrong! Do you feel like you can instill some trust in your mom by telling her that what you're buying isn't harmful to your health but that it may be awkward to tell her exactly what it is because it's related to self pleasure? (You can find your own words for this too)!

[eastonnn]

The only other family member i could maybe talk to is my aunt but thats not really any easier than talking to my mom tbh
i dont really have a problem bringing it up to my mom but i know that shes gonna like have a ton of questions and concerns and worry and i know i wont do a very good job explaining it to her and it may backfire and make her more strict. which i reallllyyy dont want. i though like maybe if someone could email or talk to her and explain for me what i need and answer her concerns and stuff?? i totally get if thats like not an option or you have better stuff to do i just really dont have anyone else i could ask to help


thanks for all the replys so far

[Sofi]

Hi eastonnn,

That is not something we do (reach out to family members, especially about situations like these, that aren't a crisis or an emergency). This situation isn't anything out of the ordinary, as many teens order toys online and either don't tell their parents, do tell them, or maybe get "caught" and just have the awkward conversation and move on.

However, you can always send her an article from our site and let her read more about it so she might feel more comfortable with the idea. She is also welcome to reach out via our boards, text, or chat service if she wants to talk to us about it. We are happy to speak to adults/parents if that's something they need and want.

[eastonnn]

ok i understand thanks for the advice. i really dont wanna risk trying to hide it since i know itll make things more difficult and stuff so i think ill try to talk to her about it today and tell her about this site so she can use the live chat if its available?? it doesnt seem to show up. is emailing an option?

[Sofi]

It should be open on Tuesday from 3-6pm CST!

[eastonnn]

Hi i just wanted to update the post and say that i talked to my mom and got her to agree to finaly get it for me it was sorta awkward to bring it up and stuff but she didnt get mad so that was a hugeeee relief so thanks for helping convince her

i got it today and i finally tried it once and idk if im just like not using it right but it feels wayyy difderent to my hand like when im inside i have a hard time moving in and out if that makes sense and i havent been able to cum yet which is frustrating

[Heather]

Just FYI, no one here convinced her. Ro spoke with her and maintained the opinion I also held, which is that ideally, particularly for what we think are healthy boundaries between you, we thought it wasn't a great idea for her to get it directly for you.

We can't help you with learning to use this, this is just one of those things you'll need to figure out yourself with experimentation.