Worried I've gotten off to harmful kinks?

[shybiguy]

Recently I've found pleasure in some kinks that are making me uncomfortable: particularly scenarios involving forms of nonconsent or dubious consent, and forcefem of transmasculine individuals. For the record, I am transmasc, and in both types of scenarios I imagine myself as the person being assaulted or forcefemmed. Also, I only consume these scenarios involving fictional characters (usually hentai manga or fanfiction). I've talked to my therapist about the former, and she says it's normal, though if it is really bothering me, that it might be best to stop. (I have not talked to anyone about the latter, it's a recent thing). The problem is, I have trouble stopping, because they're the only things I can really find myself getting off to. I feel like mostly vanilla stuff doesn't do it for me anymore. Is there something wrong with me? Am I harming myself or others?

[Heather]

If and when the only place we are doing something is in our heads, we're not harming others. That part ios simple.

In terms of if it is harming you, only you can really speak to that. How do you feel about it?

I agree with your therapist, that if it is really bothering you and is making you feel bad or limited, then a stop makes sense. That could mean that for a while you also don't feel aroused by other things or maybe even that you take a masturbation/sex break for a while while you find some other things that are exciting to you, or ways to think about this that feel better, but I think that could be okay.

[shybiguy]

Thank you for the response, I really appreciate it.

I don't think it's harming me. I feel good while I consume it, and it's not like I'm hurting anyone. Part of the problem might just be that I feel guilt about sex and masturbation in general, even the really vanilla stuff. That's probably something I should talk about with my therapist.

I think for now I'm going to try to take a break, and wait until I have all my feelings sorted out. Thank you again for the advice.

[Heather]

Sure thing. And by all means, if you feel guilt around sex and masturbation in general, then it makes sense it's showing up here. (I do want to add, too, that the whole idea of kink vs. vanilla is super arbitrary, and I think sometimes can be super unhelpful, like, for instance, when it can be part of someone like you feeling worse than you might because you assume what you're thinking about is a kink, and thus something weird, rather than one of many, many common variations and themes in human sexuality.) I think if you have a therapist you feel comfortable bringing any or all of this to, that's great.

I also have an article here I think might be helpful to you: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... -own-terms