No feeling down there

[Yungnwrithingr]

So i just searched this up and this website came up i read alot and decided i wanted to ask a question since it seemed pretty helpful.
Im 16 and my boyfriend fingered me for the first time a few weeks ago and..i didnt really feel much, i dont know why because when i do it i can feel everything i guess because its my own hand so i can feel where it is but when he was doing it i couldnt even tell what he was touching because i just lacked sensitivity or something? I could feel when he crazed my clit but it was very pokey mainly bc it was his first time too, ofc we were both very supportive of eachother he was looking out for me the whole time and ive told him about this too and we both dont know why is there something wrong with me?? And btw when he touches me when i still have underwear on i can feel everything and it feels quiet good which makes me even more confused.

[Heather]

Hi there!

So, a lot of how things feel sexually in our bodies is actually often about what’s going on in our minds.

When your boyfriend is touching you, are you already very, very turned on before he even starts?

[Yungnwrithingr]

I dont think so at that time that would make alot of sense why though i didnt even think of that

[Heather]

Honestly, a lot of people raised as girls and women don’t think of it, sadly, because they’re taught not to. They often won’t even think of it when choosing sexual partners, or deciding to be sexual, or in sexual relationships, period.

Ideally, you shouldn’t be sexual with partners when you’re not very turned on, either before anything even starts, or, for folks with more responsive desire, pretty soon into doing things like making out.

Is this a relationship you want to be a sexual one? Are you generally very turned on by and with this partner?

[Yungnwrithingr]

I dont need it to be a sexual relationship we have been together almost a year now i think that time i wasnt turned on because i was super nervous and shy since it was my first time doing something like that, because he has turned me on alot in the past we just never did anything other then kissing

Thanks so much for responding btw i was nervous something was wrong with me but i understand why it didnt feel that good now

[Heather]

Glad to help.

Since it sounds like this was unusual for you, maybe the best way to avoid this moving forward is to add more communication between you when you’re sexual, which always makes everything better all around. If you let your partner know to check in with you more, verbally, when you’re sexual together, then you’ll have more opportunities to let him know when you’re just not feeling something, when you need more time to get into it, or when something just isn’t feeling great.

Ideally, with any sex with partners, we’re often checking in with each other, just asking things (and answering honestly when asked) like, “Does this feel good?” or “Do you like this?” or just even, “You doing alright?”