Huge Mistake!

[Opal111]

I'm trying not to freak out BUT...I think this is something to ask. So..I accidentally left my lube bottle in the pocket of one of my dirty shorts. Today I decided to do my laundry and as I put my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I saw the bottle almost COMPLETELY empty (Mind you it was almost full). Would you think that would..."contaminate" my clothes with my lube and ruining my clothes??? Or even worse, I did use this lube to masturbate, so what if some semen survived in the washer??? Which is IMPOSSIBLE, but idk this scenario is so specific aaagh. It was a complete screw-up on my side and i'm trying to not let my mind wander (like what if someone uses the washing machine later type of deal) and stay calm. BUT JUST TO BE SURE. I washed my clothes 2 times thru, just to make sure no extra lube is leftover.

[Opal111]

The lube was also water-based, which i heard dissolves off of clothes easily. I also used Oxi-Clean powder that removed odors and stains too! I tried not to let it bother me, so I folded the clothes from this incident and they don’t look stained at all, as well as tgey don’t smell at all.

[Latha]

Hi Opal!

I think this is more of a laundry question than a sex ed question, so it’s a bit outside of our scope here. To be clear, you do not have to feel bad for asking. This just isn’t a question we can answer. I think you have all the right information around this though. Try to set aside your worries, and trust your judgement.

I just want to note that our anxiety resources page was recently updated. There are some anxiety self help guides there that you can use for help staying calm in situations like this. Take a look, and bookmark one that you like so it is easy to find. I hope you’ll feel less stressed soon!

[Opal111]

I'll look into those right now! I just ask this because I am unsure if this is a risk of semen contamination or not, or if my OCD is triggering my doubts again :,))

[Latha]

Hi Opal!

Sometimes, when we have questions like this, it can be useful to ask whether the premise is fair. Your question assumes that semen contamination is an actual problem — is that grounded in fact? Try to set aside ‘what if’ questions, and think back to what you know about how sperm cells and pregnancy work.

[Opal111]

I see. I’ve calmed down anout this, but another just popped up. And this is a sex question i think..I just made the horrible realization that after i masturbate and ejaculate, I use the bathroom soap after to wash my hands, meaning im getting semen and lube all overthe soap bottle..Tho i only jack off w one hand and use the other to wipe it with soap and water, there’s 100% guarantee semen was on that bottle….family members used that bottle…There’s no way..right??? AAAAAGH IM LOSING MY MIND ITS 2 AM AND I CANT SLEEP.

[KierC]

Hey, Opal <3

It sounds like you’re having some more thoughts that are distressing to you. I am sorry to hear it’s kept you up without sleep. I want to gently remind you of what we talked about last week and a bit before too, which is that seeking reassurance about these thoughts is something that, with OCD, does more work to continue the cycle of anxiety and reassurance seeking than to address it. As someone who also struggles with this, I really do empathize with how difficult it can be not to dive into the thought and try to “fix” it. But, it’s really important that we try and practice the good stuff when we can. You know?

[Opal111]

Hey. Yeah you’re right, but it’s been getting increasingly hard as of late. I need help. My parents cancelled my therapy. And I asked them for an OCD specialist, but they respond by calling me stupid and pathetic. They call my fears idiotic and that I’m a loser for even thinking such a way. Every day too. I don’t know what to do. I can’t pay for therapy. And the books I read do help, but I need guidance. Because clearly doing it on my own isn’t working. It’s become so demotivating. Is there a way I can get one somewhere?

[KierC]

Hey Opal,

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that they cancelled your therapy and that they responded to your request for help in that way. Goodness, nobody deserves that. I hope you know, you’re not idiotic or a loser for asking for help. Quite the opposite, if you ask me or anybody else here. I’m here and listening, and you’re not alone.

We can actually help see if there are free/sliding scale therapy options in your area if you’d like some support finding that. Is that something you’d like help with?

[Opal111]

Yes, please. I’m so tired man. My parents don’t even want to pay for anything. This therapist was “free” with my mom’s perks at her job and just gave them to me. There werr six free sessions and as soon as I used the last one, they told me to never return because I’m “ok” and the therapist will just baby me and I’ll never improve. Well clearly..I’m not doing so better right now!! Had another “scare” last night and i had barely any sleep again. Didn’t reassurance seek as long this time, though!

[KierC]

Ah, I hear you. I can appreciate how tiring this must be. I’m sorry you had a rough night as well. But hey, managing without reassurance-seeking is such a great step and should be celebrated! I hope you have a more restful day ahead too.

I’ll let the team know we’re looking for resources for free/sliding scale OCD treatment for you, but in the meantime if you want to let us know your location through our contact form email (so it’s secure and private), that can help us see if there might be a resource near you. Would you be interested in any online resources, too, in the meantime?

[Opal111]

I emailed you guys just right now. Thank you so much Kier. You’ve been ever so kind to me and i’m forever grateful.

[KierC]

Hi again! Thanks for your email.

I have an update regarding OCD treatment and a couple of clarifying questions, but first I want to check in about your parents. You’re reporting that they are being verbally abusive toward you, and I want to make sure we address your safety and wellbeing here first. To start, do you live with them at home?

For specialized OCD treatment, the best person to ask is going to be your primary care doctor. They will have much more information on your personal needs for OCD treatment and resources near you. Though, I also remember you started college last year. That’s another great place to seek mental health treatment! Are you still in school? If so, could you reach out to their student health services or counseling center about OCD treatment?

One last thought for now: If you’re still in school, it might be possible to explore on-campus jobs or work-study. That may help open up more options for paying for OCD treatment! Also, having a job and being busy that way leaves much less time for rumination, which might be a helpful addition to your routine if you’re interested. Is that something you’d want to explore?

[Opal111]

Oh, I’m completely safe at home! My parents don’t get stuff like mental problems and think it’s an excuse. They only get mad right now, as they usually try to comfort me. As you know, this won’t completely ease my fears, so they get frustrated. Though they NEVER will hurt me or do anything.

My counseling didn’t go well in college, as majority of the therapists there focused on relationships. While they did help with anxiety, and i still use some of the methods to identify cognitive distortions. It’s only talk therapy which isn’t what i need. They keep recommending medication, but I never got an OCD specialist yet. I want to try that first before i resort to taking anything. It’s actually getting that help which is the issue.

I’ve been job hunting and I even made a resume! Though the job searching in my area has been rough, and very competitive. I’m still trying though. I definitely need some distraction though. The best I can do is watch my favorite shows or draw, or clean my room (no compulsively! Just to stay organized haha). I am trying so hard to stay strong, but it takes me hours to get out of bed, or my mind wanders to ignore the anxiety and I forget what im doing. Can’t sleep well lately either :,)

[Heather]

Hey, Opal.

I want to let you know that verbal abuse -- like namecalling -- does harm. And in your case, it clearly has done harm. Look at how it makes you feel. That's the result of the harm it does.

Someone being called stupid and pathetic by someone is not safe with that person or people. Verbal abuse is called abuse because it is a form of abuse, and often a very potent one, at that. And someone abusing someone because they feel frustrated doesn't make it acceptable. So, both from seeing its impact on you, and from hearing you describe it, I must disagree that you're safe with anyone verbally abusing you, your parents included. If and when you want to talk more about what you can do about verbal abuse in your home or relationships, we're here to talk with you about that. <3

I also don't believe you need an OCD specialist to have someone qualified to prescribe meds for you. Anyone with the ability to prescribe the kinds of psychiatric medication you can prescribe someone for OCD is, effectively, that specialist, because mental health is or is one of their specialties. It sounds like it may be a great deal of time before you can get a therapist who specializes in OCD and be able to see them regularly. My best advice would be to stop considering meds as a last resort and consider them the next best thing you can try, one of the things most likely to be effective, no less, that you have yet to try.

[Opal111]

I can’t afford medication on my own, anyways. My insurance goes thru my families and it will be shown that I have used it. And my remaining money I have is for my tuition. I don’t know what to do i just want a way to get rid of this suffering.

[Heather]

Can I check in about this?

It goes through their insurance, but it's not like it will cost them extra. If you can cover any co-pay you have for it (we can get to how in a sec, if you like), it going through their insurance changes nothing for them. Why does it matter if it will show you used it? Are you even sure they look that closely at their insurance account on the provider's website to know this information? There's usually no reason to look *for* that information, after all, because it generally isn't useful or any more information than you'd get when you get prescriptions from the pharmacy.

[Opal111]

I’m just scared to get caught is all. I’ll be in so much trouble and not only that, I’ll 100% be sure not get any help if i do. My dad is very wary abt what is spent.

[Heather]

I want to just share a link with you while (or for after, whichever is best for you) we're having this conversation, just so you can find out more about these meds and the practicalities of using them from a credible and OCD-focused source: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/treatment/meds/

[Heather]

When you say get caught, do you mean that your parents have told you that it is unacceptable for you to use your insurance to cover OCD meds? When you say you'll be in so much trouble, what would that look like?

(I do also want to say here that being afraid of how they will react is another indication that it isn't safe for you in your home. In a safe home, someone isn't afraid of taking care of themselves or of another person's reactions if they care for themselves or their health in ways another person doesn't agree with for themselves. I'm so very sorry, Opal, that on top of dealing with the OCD, you have to deal with this, and that it's also something keeping you for care that could make such a positive difference for you.)

[Opal111]

Thanks for the link, Heather. I’ll probably give it a shot. And yes, any form from medication to therapy. They think i’ll become reliant on the therapy and won’t be able to think for myself. That i’ll be using my money on people who will tell me what i want. And what i really need is to just sit wity the feeling and deal with it.

[Heather]

Okay, so what I am hearing is that they will disagree with you. What I'm not hearing is what that will mean. Would they take you off of their insurance? Call you names? Just not shut up about these (massively ignorant and goodness, so antiquated) opinions?

Can you give me a sense of what you think would or might actually happen besides them just disagreeing?

[Opal111]

Well i think i would be a huge disappointment to them in general. I’ve always been a failure in my dad’s eyes and i feel like this will be the worst one. I also would feel immense stress i’m just scared of doing something on my own. Heck, when I called my therapist my mom took my phone and called the lady making my appointment. I don’t have peace.

[Heather]

Thanks for filling me in, and again, I am so sorry that you're living in what sounds like such a dysfunctional and controlling home. Everyone deserves peace at home, and everyone deserves to be treated so much better than this. I hope that someday soon, you can at least get some distance and have the ability to make a home for yourself where you do have peace and support. <3

So, it sounds like you are saying that more projected disappointment unto you would create additional stress for you. I can certainly see that.

But what if being ON the medication made it less stressful? What if being on the medication made it harder for their bad opinions and verbal abuse to get to you like this (as it probably would)?

[Opal111]

I do consider it an option, and I will try to get some if i can. It will probably make my life easier. I just wish i can get an OCD specialist without having all of these hurdles. I even asked if i can just make an appt with my doctor. Yknow what? At this point imma say screw it and go over there myself. I hate this. I hate all of it. It sucks and it’s draining me.