Long Distances, How Do I Make Them Smaller?

[wolfruner123]

I've been with a lovely boy for a little over a year now. I saw him in person for the first time in January. I want very much to be able to be near him, but we are very far apart (1000+ miles).

I am currently a college drop out and living with my parents and looking for a job (I am not very good at holding a job). He is living with his parents and working and trying to finish school all while under a massive amount of student debt. Naturally, neither of us have much money, if any. We want to be able to be close to each other and I have no problem moving about (and neither does he, but he wants to finish school), but I can't move without money (also I've never lived on my own before, let alone moved, so it's a bit intimidating).

It took me a year to save up the money (working at $7.25, minimum wage) I needed to take a plane to see him and stay for a week (I didn't have to save money for lodging because it was kindly offered to me by one of our mutual friends). If it takes me that long to save enough money just to get there I'd hate to think about the time it would take to save up for a move, especially considering the cost of living where he is happens to be extremely high.

I don't know what I should do, I can't even get a minimum wage job. I've been trying for some time (granted, I haven't been trying hard because I don't know what I want to do and everything seems like it is really unpleasant). I need to spend some time at home anyways to get some things sorted, but I want to be near my love and my friends. I get lonely here sometimes, everyone is so far away.

What do I do? How do I make the money to move? How do I move? Where would I move? What are my options?
I just wish I had a real plan.

[Sam W]

Hi wolfrunner,

Ultimately, you are going to be the best judge of what is the most viable plan for you based upon your resources. But, to being with, if you want to money to move, then you'll have to work. Even if it's a low-wage job, pick the ones that seem the most tolerable to you to apply to (sometimes it's good to remember that there are no perfect options). If you don't know what you want to do long term, that's okay. Pick something that interests you, or something that you have the skills for, or the job that pays slightly better even if the work seems boring, or whatever might make the job more manageable for you. When you're working, remind yourself that you're doing so for a purpose, be that to be able to see your boyfriend, or your friends, or to just have the means to be on your own.

Focus on that part of the equation for now, but also start to think through different options for moving. Your instinct may be to want to live with your boyfriend, but would moving be more feasible if you shared a space with multiple friends instead? What about the job market in that town. You want to have a plan, so start gathering the data needed to make one. Does that make sense?

[wolfruner123]

I understand what you're saying.
I've been gathering data, but it just makes it seem more and more hopeless. I could never afford and apartment and I could barely afford a rented room if I worked minimum wage. I'd have to have two jobs.
I'm terrible at keeping jobs. I'm terrible at working in general. I'm not sure if it is because of my depression and anxiety or just because I'm lazy, but I can't keep a job. They make me feel miserable and so I usually quit after two months.
I just feel like this is a dead end for me. I have no interests or skills, I don't have a degree, I don't have any money, I don't have any connections, and I'm just not terribly motivated or enthusiastic about working.
As much as I want to see my friends and boyfriend all I can think of is how hopeless this seems. I spent a year working horrible jobs just so I could see them and now I'm flat broke and would have to spend exponentially more time just to move, not even considering that I'd have to pick up two jobs while there to afford a place to live and maybe a third job so I could feed myself.

[Heather]

I'll be honest and say that in my experience, when you're young, working two jobs (or more) to make ends meet is a given. I worked two or three jobs myself almost into my 40s, and while that was a little extreme, I'd say most of the people I have known in my life who didn't grow up and leave home with a lot of money worked two jobs or crummy jobs into their thirties. Same goes with living with housemates, rather than having a place totally of one's own.

I don't know if that is useful to you, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

That said, it sounds to me like you might benefit from focusing more on yourself than anything else right now and in the near future, given how you are feeling. What feels manageable to you, and what feels in alignment with really getting your footing on getting and keeping jobs, and learning to just deal with the stuff of getting by?

Have you ever checked out the employment office in your community? If not, they often offer job coaching and counseling (for free), and also often have jobs posted that aren't elsewhere.